deadspinxy Page 29 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Fun With 69ing Failures
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
This Video With A Bunch of Brawling Young Men Is "A Goddamn <em>Lord Of The Flies</em> Snuff Film"
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Brawl," or "4:39 of mostly shirtless foreign dudes re-enacting a dust bowl food-ration war of attrition." Tonight's commentator: Your favorite Dead Wrestler of the Wee...
How A White Person Gets His Hair Cut In America Today
I went to get my hair cut the other day. I meant to get it cut a month earlier, but my wife went into early labor and had a kid and the kid had to stay in the NICU forever and there's no good time in the middle of all that to be like, "Excuse me, guys. Daddy needs some time for Daddy at the beauty p...
Tonight's Weather Forecast Will Not Be Seen Because Our Set Has Been Invaded By Bears
Havoc reigned in Scranton tonight when WNEP-TV's 11 p.m. newscast was interrupted by bears. Black bears, specifically, at least four of which decided to invade the outdoor set from which meteorologist Kurt Aaron was preparing to deliver his weather report. Aaron was, understandably, concerned for ...
It's Official, World's Dumbest Criminal Found After Trying To Sell Weed To His Old Parole Officer
We find our man, Cedrick Barnes, in Florence, South Carolina. It seems Cedrick had some extra weed laying around and thought to himself, "I should really sell this stuff." So Cedrick did what any one of us would have: he started cold-calling everyone in his cell phone contacts to see if anyone want...
Czech Women Will Use You As A Bodyguard
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
College Newspaper Captures Euphoria Of Historic Upset With Headline Alluding To Masturbation
Division II Francis Marion University (S.C.) knocked off defending Division I national champ South Carolina in a baseball game on April 11. FMU's student paper is a weekly, and even though the edition chronicling the big win wasn't published until this week, the upset was still enough to merit front...
When A $125 Loan Denial Results In Wielded Knives: A Witness's Account
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fisticuffs: "Epic girl fight! Parenting fail. Shocking woman pulls a knife with child watching." Tonight's commentator: Steve Spell II, proprietor at The Float Dog LLC in Hammond, ...
Twenty Citizens' Worth Of Blood Flowed Through Him: A Medic Confronts The Open Wounds Of Afghanistan
This was originally written for Deadspin's Blood Week, but shit happens and we're running it now....
Finance Guy Keeps Incredibly Detailed, Incredibly Creepy Spreadsheet Of His Match.com Prospects
Let's call this guy, oh, "Dave." Dave is a financial services employee in New York. Dave goes on Match.com, and meets women, and sometimes goes on dates with them. Then Dave goes home and enters all sorts of information into an Excel sheet, to keep track of everyone....
Which Celebrity Would Be The Best To Eat?
A lot of people wrote in last week in response this Dadspin post, particularly other dads who had been through similar situations. I don't really have a good place to post these letters—seems inappropriate to put letters about endangered babies in a feature called DEAD LETTERS—but I just wanted to s...
Palm Beach High School Baseball Player Suspended For Soaking Visiting Dugout In Urine Before Crosstown Rivals Arrived
From the Palm Beach Post comes word of gamesmanship. Foul, fetid gamesmanship....
Pain Is A Gift, And Other Notes From A Terrified Father During A Seven-Week-Premature Birth
When the baby cried, I knew it wasn't gonna die. They had just pulled my son out of my wife and whisked him over to one of those fancy hotel pans that you put newborns in, and there was a brief moment when he said nothing, which you don't want. You want the baby to cry. You want confirmation that th...
A Fight In Ibiza Involving People From The Future And/Or Space, Analyzed For Us By A Pro Wrestler
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fight: "Big fight (Brawl) San Antonio Ibiza [Pelea de guiris]." Tonight's commentator: the return of Cory Kastle, a pro wrestler exploring his comedic chops during an extended hiat...
Mr. McFeely Terrorizes Children With A Purple Panda
I don't know what the backstory is, I don't want to know what the backstory is. All I know is that a man dressed up as Mr. McFeely from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood is hanging out with some kids at a daycare/kindergarten class of sorts when in walks a purple panda and it turns into a scene out of T...
The Restorative Power Of The Chick-Fil-A Banana Pudding Milkshake
I've had a bad week. Not just a normal bad week, where you stub your toe and your DVR forgets to record Best Sex Ever or something like that. I mean, a legitimate bad week, where your loved ones are hospitalized and you crash your car into an illegal immigrant while going TO the hospital to visit yo...
Cockblocked By The SDSU Aztec!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Shitting While Skydiving: A Physics Experiment
I apologize for not posting yesterday's Funbag on time. Due to various circumstances, you only get a half Funbag today, and I may have to work a limited schedule this month. But fear not: Everything will be back to normal soon. If by normal, you mean talking about hypothetical superpowers and poopin...
We Asked A Pro Wrestler To Weigh In On This Ditch Fight With A Big-Time Flying Kick
Welcome to Tuesday Night Fights, a weekly celebration and analysis of street-fight videos found on YouTube. Tonight's fight: "FIGHT like a BOSS ! Kampfsprung like a BOSS!" Tonight's commentator: Cory Kastle, a pro wrestler exploring his comedic chops during an extended hiatus from the ring on acco...