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The Internet Has Discovered The Exact Day Featured In Ice Cube's "It Was A Good Day" [UPDATE]
Murk Avenue reports, after exhaustive research involving Lakers-SuperSonics games and Yo! MTV Raps airings, that the Good Day in question was January 20, 1992, 20 years ago a week ago. We will forever remember it. ...

Cockblocked By Racial Stereotypes!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

A Treasure Trove Of Bat-Killing Stories For Your Super Bowl Bye Week
Drew Magary's Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Buy Drew's book, The Postmortal, through here. Find more of his stuff at his Twitter feed....

This Is One Of Few Quotes That Improves A Story About A Man Who Stole 10,000 Pairs Of Panties
"He smelled them all the time even while driving," said police Major General Saroj Promcharoen. [Daily Telegraph] (H/T Fox5)...

As Cop-Kicker Mugshots Go, This One's Sadly Artistic
"Medena Jones, while driving a green Jeep Grand Cherokee, reportedly hit a parked car and drove away at about 1:50 p.m., according to Manassas police Sgt. Eddie Rivera. Police found Jones driving her car, reportedly intoxicated ... soon afterward. Jones apparently kicked two police officers while a...

Parents: Don't Put Any Goddamn Candy In The Goodie Bag
I go to a lot of children's birthday parties. These parties are virtually identical. You go to a gym, you take off your kid's shoes, you hand your kid over to the 19-year-old girl making $6 an hour and wearing a bright red or blue shirt with the name of the gym on it (PLAY ZONE! GYMTASTIC! BALLS AND...

The State Of The Union Is Punchy In Front Yards, Trailer Parks And Beyond (NSFW)
Per YouTube uploader kustomcougar, "Cocky neighbor gets his big mouth shut after constant harassment. Then he throws a rock at my brothers truck."...

How To Lose Weight Without Wanting To Kill Yourself
I was at the gym this morning and some old British dude started talking to me in the locker room, which is a huge breach of gym locker room protocol and totally freaked me out. Anyway, he's like, "You should watch your feet." And I looked down at my bare feet on the tile floor, and he was like, "Thi...

"His Schlong" Was An Actual Answer On Tonight's <em>Family Feud</em>
If it's Monday, it means a sex reference on a game show. After last week's Donkey Punch incident on Jeopardy!, we present to you an answer nobody guessed to the Family Feud question (okay, the clues on that show are actually imperatives) "Name something an airline pilot might be holding on a long...

Cockblocked By Gum!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

9 Things I Learned In The Parent Encouragement Program, AKA Shitty Parents Anonymous
The Parent Encouragement Program is a series of classes and workshops that are available to parents living in the D.C. area. The introductory class is free, and so I went a couple of weeks ago, because it didn't cost anything and because I need all the help I can get. The title of the workshop was "...

When Awkward T-Shirt Selection Makes A Child-Porn Mugshot Even Creepier
"The Streetsboro (Ohio) Police Department announced Monday that a man was arrested for child pornography. David Peters, 66, was indicted on 20 counts of possessing sexually oriented material involving a minor and 20 counts of disseminating sexually oriented material involving a minor. ... He was ar...

Could A Barefoot QB Succeed In The NFL?
Before we get to the Funbag, one quick note: There will be a book signing on Thursday night in DC at the Dodge City bar at 8pm. I'll be around to get drunk and answer your questions about whether nor not Peter King has ever sent me angry emails (Answer: SORT OF!)....

"Donkey Punch" Made Its Way Onto <em>Jeopardy!</em> Tonight
Several readers have already emailed to alert us to this, and we just had to share it with you. Even Alex Trebek sounds like he's smirking a little. Way to take a swing, Mike....

Great Moment In Naked Condom Runs
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Drunk Chick Punches Cab Driver, Plays "American With Disabilities" Card
The words that Kristin "Krazii" Beriau used to describe herself on her soon-to-be-privatized Facebook page are as follows: "i dont give a FUCK wat anyone thinks of me cuz i no im fabolous, i love to party and chill, im friendly and sometimes a bitch, sexy, KRAZII, and above all, i am a dime....some...

Darth Vader Defeated A Taser But Succumbed To Pepper Spray In Orlando Last Week
From ClickOrlando, and via tipster Joshua K., comes this tale about how "a Florida Highway Patrol trooper was attacked in Orlando early Thursday by a man wearing a Darth Vader mask."...

This Is What It's Like When Your Bungee Cord Breaks While Hurtling Toward Victoria Falls
Australian college student Erin Langworthy went on a summer vacation to Africa, and decided to take the tourist plunge—literally—taking a New Year's Eve bungee jump from the Zambezi river bridge at Victoria Falls, along the border of Zambia and Zimbabwe....

Last Night's Phoenix Coyotes Broadcast Featured Some Lady's Five-Hole
It's unclear where the blame falls for this shot that lingered for several seconds up this woman's skirt: on the director who zoomed in, on the woman for whom modesty seems not to be an issue, or on Fox Sports Arizona reporter Tyson Nash for wearing such a ridiculous outfit. Either way, it's a howl...