deadspinxy Page 36 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Portland's Quipster Cop: Lightsaber Edition
We first met officer Pete Simpson a few weeks ago when he was cracking wise about Ndamukong Suh's driving style. Officer Simpson is back in the news following a (possibly mentally ill) prospective Jedi, elegantly—and not at all clumsily or randomly—got nuts in a Toys R Us with a lightsaber. After a...
Lovesick College Kid Turns Down Historic Lay
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Finally, A Turkish Street Fight Set To An "Eye Of The Tiger" Score
The guy in the white turtleneck. Yeah, that one. He has some problems in this little Turkish traffic to-do, what with his inability to land a 1) punch or 2) acrobatic sidekick without getting dropped to the street. A soul-crushing defeat, to be sure. Took his time. Took his chances. Ended up laid ...
Bro Charged With DWI After Crashing Muscle Car Into "Booze It And Lose It" Police Command Center
"A Hickory (NC) man is facing multiple charges, including DWI, after slamming into a DWI mobile command center Sunday morning. Law enforcement officers were conducting a DWI checkpoint when a 1989 red Chevy Camaro rammed into the back of the 'Booze it and Lose it' mobile unit. People were inside th...
The <em>Postmortal</em> Live Holiday Funbag
All right, we did this once before and it didn't end with Sarah Silverman crying, so let's close out the year with one more live funbag. I'll be here answering your questions from 1 till 4. You know where to send them. Put LIVE FUNBAG in the subject line. I'll get through as many as I can. And if yo...
Cockblocked By Peanut Butter Cups!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Confessions Of A Terrible Father; Or, How To Fight That Urge To Put Your Kid Through A Wall
I got an email this week from a reader named Chris that made me think about the times when parenthood can leave you a shriveled-up, emotional wreck of a human being. This was his email....
This Video Ensures That Nobody On The Face Of The Earth Will Ever Mess With Tiffany Again (NSFW)
The description of this here "Pimp gets bitchslapped by his Slut whore" video reads as follows:...
Always Remember: Hot Tubs Are Disgusting Places
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase three heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
HOLY SHIT MONSTER CARROT-EATING CRICKET
Say hello to the giant weta, now the world’s largest known insect. I want to die now. I don’t want to live on a planet where encountering something like this is possible. HOW IN THE FUCK IS MR. HAND MODEL SO GODDAMN CALM?! HE IS HOLDING A MONSTER. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (Via Gizmodo; Photo: Mark Mof...
Soon-To-Be-Fired Newspaper Editor Puts A Big Old "Fuck" On Page 3C
You may want to avert your delicate sensibilities from today's Greenville (S.C.) News, because they accidentally printed a naughty not-for-old-people-who-still-subscribe-to-newspapers word in today's story about the SEC Title Game. It's easy to miss, subtly placed in the flow of the text, but look v...
Naked Dude Fights With NYC Bouncer, Runs Into Traffic, Falls Off A Car (NSFW)
A reader sends in this video taken on 6th Avenue in Manhattan at 2:30 a.m. Saturday night. Very few good things happen at 2:30 a.m. on 6th Avenue, which is why it's always a good idea to have your phone camera at the ready....
If You Like Watching Dolled-Up Lovelies Brawl In Atlantic City, This One's For You (NSFW)
Barefoot gal in hiked-up pink, thong-revealing getup or heels-sporting jean lady in loose tanktop. Contestant who got kicked in the grill vs. a virtual human centipede of flailing femarms....
This Week In Unintentional Dong Submissions Involving Hand Gestures On Wheel Of Fortune
Not only was Andrew P. of Lenexa, Kansas watching Wheel of Fortune this evening, but he was watching at the precise moment that contestant Lorimar made a hand gesture made all the more unfortunate when not accompanied by volume. 'Twas also an unfortunate gesture that host Pat Sajak caught himself ...
This Portrait Of Atlanta Falcon Ray Edwards And LaStarya Thompson Better Be Called "Handful Of Ass"
Tipster Mike S. was kind enough to ferret out this glorious piece of artwork on artist Gabe Richesson's website. In proper form, the Edwards/LaStarya study is five-feet wide and four-feet tall. In proper form, it owns the room, as if a vice squeezing your attention tight and showing it who's boss....
How The Internet May Have Saved The NFL And NBA
Before we get to the Funbag, just a reminder that I'll be reading in Milwaukee tomorrow night at 7 p.m. at Boswell Book Company, followed by all of us going out and getting drunk on cheddar-flavored ale. Then, on Thursday night, I'll be in Chicago reading at the Book Cellar at 7 p.m. Come one, come ...
Clearly This Woman Loves The 'Cocks
South Carolina's about to win the Palmetto Bowl in big fashion over Clemson, and here's how one Gamecocks fan reacted to DeVonte Holloman intercepting a Clemson pass to help lock up the victory. I can only imagine how she'll celebrate....
Watch Turkeys Intimidate A Mother And Son Thanks To Someone Who Chose To Record Instead Of Help
Whomever posted oldie-but-goodie "When Wild Turkeys Attack Indian People" two years ago claimed it was shot in Cherry Hill, NJ. I grew up across the mighty Cooper River from Cherry Hill, NJ and never seen no turkeys sprinting down the sidewalks. But whatever....
Make $50 By Licking A Urinal Wall. Ask This Guy At Husky Stadium How!
Writes tipster Tim W., "I went to the second to last game to be played at Husky Stadium before it gets torn down and replaced. We were playing Colorado. I went to the bathroom and this guy was on his knees next to the urinal trough shit faced and ready to make 50 bucks. You can see guys pissing wa...