deadspinxy Page 55 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
“Help! I Keep Dreaming About Banging My Mom!”
Hey, before we get to the letters, BRAD CHILDRESS WAS FIRED YESTERDAY! WOOHOO FUCK YEAH! SO LONG, CUNTGROPER! We're finally rid of you, YOU BALD ASSHOLE! Now my beloved Vikings can finally get around to drafting the wrong quarterback, losing key free agents, becoming as tightfisted as the Bills, and...
A Watched Bridge Never Implodes
A pair of Chicago morning show anchors eagerly wait for the demolition of a bridge...and wait...and wait some more. They come back to the studio for some chit-chat, only to completely miss the destruction. They proceed to freak right the fuck out....
Half-Headed Man Takes World's Most Bizarre Mugshot
There's clearly something off with this man's skull. As the profile shot reveals, it's that he's missing most of it....
“My Pussy Is Like Steel!” And Other Things You Hear During Sex
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
How To Identify Satanic Sacrifice: A Helpful, Creepy Police Training Video
This old police training video teaches up-and-coming detectives how to look for signs that their murder victim has been sacrificed to Satan. One such clue: often "a penis is placed inside the mouth of the deceased person." Good to know. [Metal Insider]...
Bay Area Denny's Serves Up Halloween Brawl
As funny as it is to see a "skeleton" get pelted with a chair, this is the third such incident we've seen at a Bay Area chain-dining establishment. It's officially a trend....
How To Make Your Own Four Loko
The FDA is going to ban caffeinated malt liquor beverages very soon. Gone will be Joose and gone will be our precious, disgusting Four Loko. Luckily, you will be prepared for the 21st century prohibition with this helpful video....
The Poop Mugshot Will Make You Happy
Nice to be back. Your letters:...
Demolition Goes Wrong: Smokestack Falls The Wrong Way
A 300-foot tower at an abandoned power plant tumbled the wrong way during demolition yesterday, taking out buildings and power lines but thankfully no people. [WKYC]...
CNN Gives Us The Mother Of All Telestrator Dongs
Everything about this picture is ideal: facial expressions, hand gestures, and, especially, telestrator dong placement (TDP). Why, this telestrator dong was so perfect, The Daily Show got in on the fun. Video after the jump....
A Very Special Edition Of The Funbag: Your Questions, Answered By A Woman!
Good afternoon! I'm taking a brief break from lady-wrangling over at Jezebel so that I may have the pleasure of filling in for Drew today. Because while his funbags are considerable, mine are better....
Small-Business Owner Does Not Appreciate Young Turk Messing With His Bushes
When you have a row of bushes in front of your shop, you want them to look pristine. A well-tended exterior shows your business is also well-tended. It's understandable you'd be upset if skateboarders repeatedly fucked with your shit....
Here's A Breakdown Of The <em>Wheel Of Fortune</em> One-Letter Solve
Last Friday, a Wheel of Fortune contestant solved a prize puzzle with only one letter on the board. The internet exploded with astonishment and conspiracy theories. Esquire's Chris Jones—who's written about phenomenal game-show performances before—broke it down on his blog....
What The Hell Is Going On During This Burt Reynolds Interview?
So, Burt Reynolds is getting interviewed. That sort of thing happens all the time. But then he starts antagonizing the interviewer. There's laughter—some of it forced—and eventually a question's repeated while two guys carrying a body try to get by....
Cockblocked By A Salad-Tossing Cow!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
Knifepoint Cunnilingus And A Fishy Scent
I don't want to spoil the surprise, but I really think you should check this out....
Slow-Motion Video Of Popcorn Popping, Because Why Not
If you have ever wondered how popcorn is made, the answer is science. But here's a video that shows some really delicious science in action. [Modernist Cuisine, H/T Katie]...
The McRib Is Back
Public Service Announcement: The McRib sandwich is available at McDonald's nationwide, though only through the end of the month....
My Girlfriend Became A Pro Cheerleader And Dumped Me In Wartime For The Team Mascot
I watched the The Walking Dead premiere yesterday (it was unreal) and then spent the rest of the night wondering if I had it in me to shoot friends or family members if they turned zombie on me. Like if AJ turned zombie, I could totally shoot him in the face and not hesitate. That wouldn't be a prob...
"Then I Felt My Testicles Switch Places": One Man's Twisted Story About His Balls
One day, seemingly out of nowhere, something terrible happened to Evan Jacobs's testicles: They rotated. Then came the pain, the marijuana, the doctor's finger, the testicle display, and the compression shorts....