“I keep sliding the numbers around, and as I do, they shove each other out of the way. The people don’t all fit.” Our whole staff is fucked-up and panicking after reading this lovely, terrifying essay about the passage of time, by our old pal Tom Scocca. Go check it out on HmmDaily.

Perhaps you’ve heard this before: The Philadelphia Eagles won the Super Bowl this year. The team that forever seemed doomed to represent the City of Philadelphia perfectly—generally pretty successful, but never the best—actually won the Super Bowl for the first time.

As Craig Sager’s two oldest children announced last week, the legendary sportscaster’s will shows that he left all of his property to his second wife, Stacy Jo Sager, and excluded the three adult children from his first marriage.

According to the Massachusetts Department of Corrections, former Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez hanged himself this morning in his single cell, with a bed sheet tied to the window. But at least two people are wondering whether Hernandez really hanged himself: his lawyer and his agent.

Clearly the End is nigh. With that in mind, and while tooling around with the NUKEMAP, the Deadspin staff discussed various apocalyptic death scenarios today, to determine which ones seem good. Here is a ranked list of some—not all!—apocalyptic death scenarios, in order from best to worst.

A tourist who fancied a bath in one of Yellowstone National Park’s many geothermal pools slipped while attempting to gauge the temperature of the broth, fell into what turned out to be a deadly near-boiling acid bath, and dissolved. That is about the most metal thing I can imagine, but also he is extremely dead.

There was an episode of Oprah that aired a long, long time ago that was about the survivors of terrible accidents. At least, I think that’s what it was about. It aired around the time of the Singapore Airlines flight 006 tragedy back in 2000, where a 747 aircraft didn’t manage to lift off before crashing into a cement…

My smart colleague George Dvorsky over at Gizmodo published a defense of “radical life extension” this morning. This is a largely pseudo- or quasi-scientific pursuit favored by billionaire parasite Peter Thiel (among others), based upon the idea that, essentially, death is a pathology rather than a natural fact of…

It is a time of war. We are under attack, and every woman, man, and child must fend for themselves. They are coming for us, and there’s nothing we can do to stop them. We must fight until we can fight no more. I’m so tired I could cry.

Portuguese MMA fighter Joao Carvalho died last night, two days after suffering a third round TKO to Irishman Charlie Ward. Carvalho and Ward fought in Dublin, Ireland, under the Total Extreme Fighting promotion.

A mother sparrow emerges from her nest atop a newly visible grave, a grave that had been buried in the cruel, gray snow until this afternoon. It is not yet officially spring, but the days are slightly warmer, and a trickle of water—melted snow—snakes past the sparrowess’ home. For months, to hydrate herself, she has…

People die every day; famous people die over the course of many days. Those left behind watch as the internet floods with earnest RIPs and dewy-eyed takes and angry ripostes toward anyone with the gall to joke or critique At a Time Like This. In some instances, some otherwise empathetic people cut straight to…

Nikita Kamayev, the former head of the Russian anti-doping agency RUSADA, died on Monday at the age of 52. “Presumably, the cause of death was a massive heart attack,” wrote RUSADA in a press release.

Mercer University guard Jibri Bryan was shot in the head and killed in a convenience store parking lot Tuesday afternoon, according to police. Bryan, who was 23, was shot while sitting in his car. The Telegraph (Macon) has the details:

A South Dakota judge sentenced Joseph Patterson to life in prison without the possibility of parole Thursday, the mandatory minimum sentence. Patterson was convicted of second-degree murder in September for the death of Adrian Peterson two-year-old son, Tyrese Ruffin. Peterson learned that Ruffin was his son a couple…

Former All Blacks rugby union star Jonah Lomu died earlier this afternoon in Auckland, New Zealand, according to former All Blacks team doctor John Mayhew. Lomu, who was 40, had suffered from kidney problems for decades, but was a big presence at the recently completed Rugby World Cup in England, working with…

MLB pitcher Tommy Hanson died late Monday night after suffering catastrophic organ failure and falling into a coma. The news was first reported by Zach Klein, sports director of Atlanta’s ABC affiliate, and later confirmed by the Braves.

Luke Schemm, a football player at Wallace County High in tiny Sharon Springs, Kan., died Wednesday, after collapsing during Tuesday night’s playoff game. Schemm was airlifted to a Denver hospital but was declared brain dead, and eventually taken off life support today. He collapsed on the sideline after scoring a…

The Minnesota Timberwolves host their first home game of the season tonight, and beforehand played a long and heartfelt tribute to Flip Saunders, who died of Hodgkin’s lymphoma a week ago. Saunders was the Timberwolves’ coach and president of basketball operations, but to residents of Minnesota, Flip was so much more,…

Edinson Volquez’s father Daniel died of heart disease yesterday, hours before Edinson started Game 1 of the World Series. It seems that Volquez did not know about his father’s death as he pitched six innings, but there were a lot of conflicting reports.