detroit Page 63 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Caleb Campbell: "I Was Left In The Dark"
On Wednesday night word broke that Caleb Campbell, 7th round draft pick out of Army for the Detroit Lions, would not be allowed to play NFL football in the 2008 season. Campbell, a 2nd Lt. who graduated from West Point on May 31 of this year, owed his ability to play in the NFL to a 2005 Army policy...
Rick Mahorn Still Can't Figure Out How To Talk To Girls
Sadly, last night's brawl between the Los Angeles Sparks and the Detroit Shock will probably be the only storyline that puts the WNBA above the fold for the rest of the regular season. As far as sports melees go, it was monumental; it involved two of the leagues major stars (Candace Parker, Lisa Les...
There's A Nice Man In A Suit At The Door Who Would Like To Talk To You, Mr. Fielder
Do you owe back taxes you can't pay? Don't let the IRS freeze your bank account, or threaten your job. Call the law offices of Moskowitz and Moskowitz and let our tax experts show you a way to settle your IRS problems for pennies on the dollar. Run and hide, and face jail, or call us today. Vegetari...
Keith Olbermann Is Not Much Of A Pistons Fan
Keith Olbermann seemed genuinely flustered last night when Al Gore took his sweet time taking the stage at Joe Louis Arena to endorse Barack Obama; so much so that he forgot what team Chauncey Billups plays for. Billups was onstage to introduce Gore, and Olbermann had to go to his notes to identify ...
If I May Talk About The Non-Golf Tigers For A Second
So it took until the middle of June for the Tigers to win five games in a row, and it just happened when most of the fans were on the precipice of giving up on the team. There were even trade rumors surrounding Magglio Ordoñez — a thought which is a mere two degrees less blasphemous than heliocentri...
The Sudden Plummet Of Dontrelle Willis
Seriously, what in the world has happened to Dontrelle Willis? The guy used to be the next great face of baseball, a smiling, lovable African American in a sport that desperately needs more, with a whirly-gig windup and a youthful vigor for the game we hadn't seen since Griffey. And now ... he's pit...
The Red Wings Are Taking Good Care Of Lord Stanley's Cup
The Detroit Red Wings have been partying it up with their newly acquired Stanley Cup, taking it to defenseman Chris Chelios' downtown Detroit restaurant for a night of boozing. Play nice with her, fellas. Oop. Too late. You already damaged it. Busted Coverage has a short recap of some of the revelry...
Kwame Kilpatrick Will Never Send You Naughty Text Messages After This
Beleaguered Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick was not received warmly at the Red Wings victory extravaganza yesterday. Maybe it has something to do with the sundry scandals and the vetoing of the funds set aside to remove him from office. The booing doesn't even fade after the proffering of free beer. ...
Congratulations, Stanley Cup Champion Detroit Red Wings
The NHL Closer is written by five people of European descent at Melt Your Face Off. We're not the first people to blog the Stanley Cup Finals, but Don Cherry still calls us "soft". So, for all you kids out there, Raskolnikov toughened up to recapitulate Detroit's clincher....
That'll Be All, Flip
It's strange to think now, but at one point, Flip Saunders was considered some sort of coaching savant. That seems like an awfully long time ago. The Pistons officially let Flip go about half an hour ago, and they're supposedly having a press conference at 2 p.m....
Sykora Calls His Shot
The NHL Closer is written by five insomniacs from Melt Your Face Off. We blame overtime hockey and copious amounts of caffeine for our condition. Raskolnikov downed two cases of Mountain Dew to recapitulate last night's epic thriller....
Enterprising Red Wings Fan Finds Clever Way To Give The Penguins More Money
19-year-old Zach Smith, native of Cleveland but lover of the Red Wings, devised an ingenious scheme that would not only allow him to throw an octopus on the ice of Mellon Arena last night before Game 4 but still be able to watch the game after he got tossed. His very canny, super savvy plan: buy an...
If R. Kelly Should Be On Trial For Anything, It's Inspiring This
The MERKIN mercilessly turns out attention to this spoof of R. Kelly's "Ignition" honoring the Red Wings' Henrik Zetterberg. Does this mean he pees on girls, too? ...
Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.! Beat L.A.! (Yes. Boston Is Going To The NBA Finals.)
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who has a funny feeling the Spurs aren't going to repeat this year. When he's not stating the glaringly obvious, he can be found mocking someone or something at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
NBA Playoffs: Celtics-Pistons, Game 6
Basketbawful has broken out the highest quality Wiccan spell components - coffin nails, dead sea salt, glory water, graveyard dirt, and a very phallic ritual candle - to uncover the darkest mysteries of tonight's NBA playoff game....
Ice Hockey At Wrigley Field: The End Times Are Here
If you think it would be fun to see Chicago fans reach onto the field of play and try to interfere with a puck instead of a baseball for a change, then you're in luck. The NHL's second Outdoor Winter Classic game will pit the Chicago Blackhawks against the Detroit Red Wings at Wrigley Field, accordi...
Mellon Arena: The Final Frontier
The NHL Closer is written by the five Star Trek: The Next Generation enthusiasts from Melt Your Face Off. When not attending conventions, they can be found in their makeshift Holodeck, where they practice putting the moves on a virtual Counselor Troi. Set your phasers to stun, Deadspinners, because ...
Ray Allen Reunites With Jump Shot, Celtics Win
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who says you should never let friends drink and drive. Or go home with an ugly chick. Unless he has a really great personality. When he's not giving bad advice, he can be found doing the thing at Basketbawful. Enjoy!...
NBA Playoffs: Celtics-Pistons, Game 5
Basketbawful has pulled out some 20-sided dice, a bag of chicken gizzards, and the Skull of Destiny to give you the inside skinny on tonight's NBA playoff game. (And there's one skinny thing that had better not be at the game...)...
Carlos Guillen Would Like To Borrow Your Cooling Ointment And A Large Cushion
Anyone who's ever had the misfortune of being stricken with a dreaded hemorrhoid flare-up can attest to how painful it is. When it first appears, the general swamp ass-y, hiney spider feeling reaches about a "5" on the uncomforability scale. But the longer it lingers, it quickly shoots up to about a...