devils Page 22 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Duke Administration Cancels Tailgating After Minor Is Found Passed Out In Port-A-Potty
A visiting teenager was found unconscious in a portable toilet after tailgating celebrations for Duke's win over Virginia on Saturday. The university will now brainstorm different gatherings that reflect "the class and spirit for which Duke is known." Right....

Boy, I Bet This Fan Regrets Threatening Wayne Rooney's Life Now
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

There Was A Lot Of Fighting In Last Night's Devils/Capitals Game
The things you learn listening to hockey announcers. Take last night's meleepalooza featuring a whole lot of fisticuffs between New Jersey and Washington once the Capitals had a four-goal lead. [Star Ledger]...

Athlete Goes To School Where Athletes Get Laid
The class of 2011's top recruit has committed to Duke. I WONDER WHY....

The Full Duke University "Fuck List" Thesis From A Former Female Student (UPDATE)
Update: Names redacted. Read here. So this is going to be bad. Or good, depending upon where some of the lacrosse, baseball, and tennis players rate on former Blue Devil Karen F. Owen's "Fuck List."...

Last Night's Winner: Mississippi Valley State's Airline Miles
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the MVSU Delta Devils, who will play their entire nonconference schedule on the road, because the program really really needs the appearance fees....

You Can Buy Bobby Hurley's Foreclosed Farm. Ask PNC How!
There are two ways to look at the Oct. 5 auction for Bobby Hurley's Devil Eleven Stables/Farm in scenic Ocala, Florida: 1) Fans can bid on a piece of Duke history or 2) Haters can finally finish squirrelboy off....

White Duke Player Completes Rare Feat Of Athleticism
Miles and Mason Plumlee, of the Arden Plumlees, took a moment during the Duke basketball game for some fun. Watch as Miles jumps over Mason to throw down a dunk and delight the other tank-top wearing white people in attendance. [The Dagger]...

Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Bobby Hurley
Welcome back to Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater. Today's entry: former Duke point guard Bobby Hurley synced up to Scandal's rollicking anthem, "The Warrior." Note the brilliant match-editing at the 1:01 mark. H/T TarHeelBlues ...

Duke Basketball Fan Feels Persecuted, Part 7,938
"i've noticed that espn opens each sportscenter with championship snippets of the yankees, saints, lakers, alabama football, even uconn women's bball. hmmm. who's missing and is it intentional?" That's followed by the emoticon for "whining Little Lord Fauntleroy." [Duke Basketball Report]...

Area Man Hits Two Holes In One
His name is Rich Schultz (yellow polo, large grin, Jersey tan), but please don't call him "Two Holes" because that's somewhat suggestive. Odds of him hitting two holes in one during a single round? 26,045,834 to 1. [Allentown Morning Call]...

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY DEVILS
Hence, the prolonged wheel-spinning you may be experiencing. From Gawker Quality Assurance: "It appears that we are under attack again, and are seeing major problems as a result." Just be patient or FUCKING PRAY QUIETLY BEFORE THEY MAKE YOUR EYES BLEED....

Ilya Kovalchuk's 17-Year Contract Is So, So Illegal, And The NHL Can't Do Anything About It
It's being reported that Ilya Kovalchuk, 27 years old, re-signed with the Devils for 17 years and $100-plus million. What gives? Oh, nothing. Just New Jersey taking a dump on the salary cap, and wiping its ass with the CBA....

Accused Russian Spy Also Fan Of Neutral Zone Trap
The Feds should have known something was off, since no real Devils fan likes Ilya Kovalchuk. Also, only someone who grew up in the wilds of Siberia could be happy to be in Newark. [Star-Ledger]...

PING! It's College World Series Time!
Actually, it has been for several days already, but by request, here's a CWS open thread. No. 1 Arizona State got bounced today and Oklahoma plays Clemson in the nightcap. No offense, but I'm watching "The Two Escobars." [AP Photo]...

Men From World's Most Insufferable Prestigious Universities To Decide Championship With Lacrosse-Off
That's right, the bros from Duke and the bros from Notre Dame are going to take some time away from icing other bros and play a game that involves nets and balls where neither Digger Phelps or Mike Krzyzewski will be involved....

Footage Of Maryland Student's Beating Goes Missing, Re-Appears Minus Some "Editing"
A disc of security camera video that might show police officers assaulting a Maryland student during the post-Duke game bliss mysteriously went missing, then re-appeared hours later....with a two-minute gap in the footage. Wait! That's not the shadiest part, yet!...

David Brooks Provides Us With Yet Another Reason To Hate Duke (And David Brooks)
I'm sorry, somehow we missed this bit of intellection from the Upmarket Jeff Foxworthy, David Brooks: "How do you construct a rich versus poor narrative when the rich are more industrious?" he mused last week ... about Butler-Duke....

Video Catches Cops Brutally Beating Maryland Student After Duke Game
After a Maryland student was seriously injured during the melee that followed the Terps big win over Duke last month, cops claimed he had attacked mounted policemen and was kicked by their horses. This videotape says they're dirty liars....

Detestable School, Loathsome Sneaker Company Produce Most Insufferable Ad Ever
This ad appeared in Sports Illustrated. As it is not a four color ad or black & white, it cost somwhere between $229,300 and $352,800. At least, according to the SI rate card, pictured after the jump: ...