eh Page 173 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Deciding The Superior Hawk: Lehigh-Kansas Open Thread
Kansas lost to Bucknell the last time they played a Patriot League opponent in the opening round in Oklahoma City. Can the Mountain Hawks say "Rock Chalk this!" and pull off the historic upset? Joke about Sherron Collins' age please....
Stories That Don't Suck: Axl Rose, Hockey Goons, Cassius Bom-Ba-Ye, Dr. Z In The USSR
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....
Women's Football Leagues Justify Their Existence
The hiring of a female coach for a boys' HS football team does more to legitimize women's football (yes, even lingerie football) than a thousand Katie Hnidas....
Today In Hilarious Baseball Stat Acronym Humor
Ladies and germs, I give you Jerry Thornton of WEEI....
Fortunately, Drowning Is Only A Double Minor
Remember, Zamboni is a brand name for one specific ice resurfacing machine maker. For example, this one changes solid surfaces into liquid but it could've been manufactured by several different companies that will no longer honor the warranty. [DenverPost]...
Where Business Is Always Good
Former major leaguer and current AAA coach Richie Hebner still digs graves and drives a hearse in the offseason. Good thing he's in the Orioles organization; he can dispose of Garrett Atkins's career. [Detroit News]...
Say Goodbye To Mark McGwire Road Rage
"Driving the Mark McGwire Highway" sounds like a not-particularly-clever euphemism for a PED regimen, but St. Louisans have been doing it for a decade. Perhaps not for much longer....
Say Hey, Wait A Minute
"Above all, the story of Willie Mays reminds us of a time when the only performance-enhancing drug was joy." So sayeth the great Pete Hamill, who is proof that baseball makes even brilliant writers sound like a Wonder Years voiceover....
Even Monkeys Go To Rehab
Yes, unless this report comes from an Onion-style Russian newspaper, it appears a monkey hooked on alcohol and cigarettes has been sent to rehab. The world is a vampire. [Montreal Gazette]...
Oregon Pretty Much Imploding Before Our Very Eyes (UPDATE)
Oregon football is turning into an outlaw program right in front of us. But one Ducks senior has had just about enough of you people making a big deal of it. You "white people," he means....
Even NBCOlympics.com Hates NBC's Olympic Coverage
Reader Alex sends this screenshot from NBC's Olympics web site. Please note the Olympic Pulse at bottom, featuring a tweet from alpine skier Jake Zamansky. NBC is now punching itself in the face. [NBCOlympics.com, @jakezamansky]...
Stories That Don't Suck: Death On The Track, Ebert's Silence, NASCAR's Backlash Ethos, Bubba In Love
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....
Athlete Dong Is The New Celebrity Sex Tape
Before nude photos surfaced, only devoted NBA fans knew who George Hill was. But after — we all know his name. This can only be good for his career, and we will only see more athlete dong in the future....
Steve Phillips "Moves On" By Spilling His Guts To Matt Lauer
Steve Phillips made it out of sex rehab alive and has definitely seen the error of having sex with people who aren't your wife. So he went on "Today," because this is information that America needs to hear....
And On The Fourth Day, Bryce Harper Homered
Here's the Chosen One, taking some weak Arizona Western stuff deep in his fourth game as a collegian. Watch closely and you might see the ball transmute into pure light somewhere over Lake Mead. [YouTube, Las Vegas Review-Journal]...
The Holy Child Will Have To Wait A Little Longer To Begin Speaking Only In Cliches
Brilliant beacon of blinding light Bryce Harper picked up his first collegiate hit in only his second at-bat. Too bad no-one is allowed to discuss it! I haven't seen lips this tight since, like, an hour ago. [The Nationals Enquirer]...
Today In Hilarious Baseball Stat Acronym Humor
Ron Borges, ladies and germs, on UZR: "I thought those were the initials of a former Russian state only to learn it means Ultimate Zone Rating." [Boston Herald]...
The Backup Catcher, The NBA Journeyman's Wife, And The Gropey Grandpa
More details emerge in the arrest of Gerald Laird and his prospect brother after a drunken brawl at a Suns game. The whole thing was set off when their grandfather groped a Celtics wife. Isn't that how it always happens?...
It Appears Everyone Can Now Make Half-Court Shots At Olathe Northwest's Gym
Okay — this is officially insane. FOX4 went back to do a follow-up story about Joel Branstrom's blind-folded half-court shot. Reporter Rob Low, just shooting a teaser for the spot, tried one of his own (backwards)...and also made it....
When Prank Wars Go Wrong (Update)
Most of you remember College Humor's hilarious half-court shot prank at a Maryland game a couple years ago. FOX4KC reports one area high school attempted a recreation, but was ill-prepared for the one-in-a-million chance the prankee would actually make it....