election-2016 Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Voting Booth Selfies Aren't Legal Everywhere, But They Should Be
Can you snap a poorly lit selfie right there in the booth with your ballot all filled out? Can you do a vote just for the ’Gram? Technically, yes, you can take the picture wherever, but your social-media share might be illegal depending on where you are. Many states ban the practice with laws intend...
Clinton: You're Too Broke For A Candidate Who Represents You
Here is a hell of a tweet:...
Did The Media Create Donald Trump? (No.)
So the question of the moment is: Did the media create Donald Trump?...
Marco Rubio Will Have To Find Another Bed To Shit
Marco Rubio may very well be the emptiest suit to have campaigned for national office in my lifetime. He makes Paul Ryan look like Benjamin Disraeli....
Ben Carson's Presidential Campaign Was A Big Success
Hear me, O Americans. If lots of people want to give you lots and lots of money to go stand on stages and just kinda sleepily free-associate whatever pops into your mind in response to prompts from strangers, and want to treat you like a rock star for doing it, and will support you in this behavior ...
Republican Voters Vote For A Very Republican Republican
Back in August, I wrote a post accusing the political media of covering Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy more, and more seriously, than it deserved. “Stop Pretending Donald Trump Is Running For President,” I titled the post. D’oh....
Jeb Bush Is Not A Joke; He's A Sack Of Shit
Jeb Bush finally—fucking finally—dropped out of the Republican primary campaign over the weekend, by my reckoning at least a few months later than observable reality said he should. Nobody wanted him to be president. Possibly he himself did not really want to be president, so much as he wanted not t...
Lifelong Failure Carly Fiorina Does What She Does Best
If Carly Fiorina’s life were a television series, last Wednesday’s season finale would have occasioned a lot of groaning about lazy formulas. Really? Another season ending with Carly an utter abject failure, and the people who worked for her unemployed? For chrissakes, House was more unpredictable t...
Rand Paul Was Always Bullshit
Rand Paul dropped out of the Republican presidential campaign after he came up shy of five percent in the Iowa caucus. This must have been a tremendous disappointment to ... well, nobody....
Farewell To Viral Internet Man Rick Santorum
Once upon a time, Rick Santorum was an ambitious young legislator whose considerable oratorical skills and policy fluency existed in unsteady balance with social views that make St. Paul look like Aleister Crowley. Now he is a slang term for the frothy mix of lube and shit that sometimes is a byprod...
Mike Huckabee's Campaign Charade Is Over, So That His Other Charades Might Continue
Driving south on Interstate 95 through Maryland, eventually you come to the I-495 interchange near College Park. If you stay on I-95, then for the next little while, you also are on I-495, the Capital Beltway; the routes are concurrent, sharing the same physical road. Farther along, in Springfield, ...
Martin O'Malley, A Stock Photo Of A Handsome Man, Ends His Presidential Bid
Generic man Martin O’Malley ended his campaign for the Democratic presidential nomination last night. The Iowa caucus was rough on the former Baltimore mayor and Maryland governor: Once poll-workers sorted out the caucus-goers who thought they were standing in line to get their photo taken with “tha...
You Know Who Should Run For President? George Pataki
I mean, if the guy could get elected governor of New York as a Republican, he could be a heckuva candi—...
Fuck Off, Lindsey Graham
Lindsey Graham announced the end of his campaign for the 2016 Republican presidential nomination this morning. Don’t worry! He wants you to know that he still believes in his plan to wage needless war on a distant millenarian death cult whose lifeblood is the Western antagonism that certifies its ri...
Bobby Jindal, Obsequious Twerp, Simpers The Fuck Out
Bobby Jindal will no longer pursue the 2016 Republican presidential nomination. He also will not pursue Alpha Centauri, or growing a second head out of his left shoulder, or the Elder Wand. Dogs will not shoot lasers from their eyes. The sun will not be a showerhead that sprays grapefruit juice. Man...
The Only Rule Is Refusal: A Song For Rand Paul
By the end of last night’s debate, Rand Paul had been reduced to smirking and reciting the Real Fiscal Conservatism rulebook—You can’t spend trillions on the military and be a real conservative, so are you a real conservative?—like a five-year-old who’d caught a playmate in the irreconcilable though...
Big Fat Fabulist Ben Carson's West Point Story Is Bogus
Republican presidential candidate and hip-hop impresario Ben Carson is full of beans. Possibly he is as much as 82-percent beans! His tales of youthful violence keep changing, his Mannatech disavowal was bogus on its face, and now his story of receiving a full scholarship to the U.S. Military Academ...
Larry Lessig Was Running For President, Now Isn't
Larry Lessig is a Harvard professor, campaign finance reform activist, and attorney; he is not seeking the Democratic nomination to the 2016 presidential election. That last bit is new, as of yesterday: He was seeking the nomination before that—didn’t you know?—and now he is not. Baby shoes, never w...
Mike Huckabee Goes "Hunting"
On the sweltering plains of humanity’s early days, pre-industrial tribesmen acquired rich animal protein for their diets via persistence hunting. Working carefully in groups—and taking advantage of the stamina, sweat-cooling, and water-carrying advantages humans have over terrestrial ungulates—they ...