eli Page 124 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Confused Bo Pelini Will Take A Picture With You On Your Wedding Day
It's unclear whether these two lucky kids are Nebraska fans, but it's possible they are. I mean look at Pelini's face, he does not share their enthusiasm. His distant gaze doesn't necessarily say "fuck you, fans. Fuck all of you," but there is a healthy dose of consternation. ...
The Wisconsin State Fair Has One Food-On-A-Stick Too Many
So here's the full list of truncheon-mounted foodstuffs at the Wisconsin State Fair, currently underway in, uh, well, Wisconsin, of course. Actually, no, here's not the full list, because the full list apparently has more entries on it than there are human beings to consume them. Wisconsonianitia...
This Is The Best Excuse For Failing A Breathalyzer Test
The Daily Mirror's Sophie Gadd called attention to this News of the Weird item, and we here at Deadspin had some thoughts about it. We discussed it in our staff chatroom....
We Missed Your Face, Eli
Send stories, photos, and anything else you might have to [email protected]....
The Genius Of Baseball's Hillbilly Philosopher
A few weeks ago, Dizzy Dean was inducted into the Baseball Reliquary's Shrine of the Eternals. Our man John Schulian was there to honor the occasion. ...
Patriots Screw Panthers, Claim Their Sixth-Round Rookie Running Back
Panthers running back Tyler Gaffney injured his left meniscus last Friday, so his rookie season's already done. Normally, Carolina would place him on injured reserve, but because teams still have 90-man rosters at this point of the season, injured players have to clear waivers before they can be shi...
Gordon Ramsay's Kid Will Host A Cooking Show, For Some Reason
Gordon Ramsay, professional emotional abuser of reality-TV cooks, has a 12-year-old daughter named Tilly. And Tilly has an ambition: to indulge a 12-year-old's desire for fame and adoration in the hopes that a cooking show starring a pre-teen will goose a certain famous TV person's flagging busin...
GM Gets Prostate Exam In Stadium, Sings "Take Me Out To The Ballgame"
Andy Milovich, general manager of the Texas Rangers' Single-A affiliate Myrtle Beach Pelicans, took minor league baseball stunts to a whole new level. He got a prostate exam in front of the whole stadium at tonight's game against the Frederick Keys and did so during the seventh-inning stretch while ...
Naked Burger Thieves On The Lam In Florida Beach Town
Listen. Sometimes it's 3:06 in the morning, you and a couple of your buddies are wandering around a beach town in various states of undress, and suddenly you have need of 60 hamburgers, three pounds of bacon, three red peppers, and, uh, a paddleboard. Immediately! And the grocery stores are cl...
Hockey Players Photobombed By The Queen Of England
Australian field hockey players Jayde Taylor and Brooke Peris are in Glasgow, Scotland, for the Commonwealth Games, and earlier today posted a photo with an unexpected guest to Twitter. They knew what they were doing, thus making it not a true photobomb, but we'll allow it. Watch out, ladies! She's ...
Queen Elizabeth's Racehorse Fails Drug Test
Estimate, a five-year-old mare owned by Queen Elizabeth II, tested positive for morphine following a recent race. Morphine is illegal on race days, but it appears this may all have been a big mistake....
Peyton Manning Scolds College Kids, Achieves Maximum Dadness
The New York Daily News has a cool story about hanging out at the Manning family's annual summer football camp—which is less of a camp at this point and more of a pilgrimage site for thousands of wannabe NFL players—and there are some entertaining anecdotes in there about Peyton, Eli, and Archie. Bu...
NBA Draft Prospect Skips College For China (And $1.2 Million)
Point guard Emmanuel Mudiay has the potential to be a lottery pick in next year's NBA draft, but he won't be spending a year in college before going pro. Mudiay's taking his talents to China for the required year between high school and the NBA, and he's getting a hefty chunk of money for his effort...
Daughter-In-Law Of Nike Founder Arrested On Student Sex Charges
Melissa Bowerman, high school track coach and daughter-in-law of Nike founder Bill Bowerman, is again facing allegations of improper relations with a student. But this time the charges are serious and Bowerman is behind bars. ...
Prayer Is The Only Thing That Can Save The Ryan Hall Documentary
The 41st Day, filmmaker Tim Jeffreys' documentary chronicling U.S. marathoner Ryan Hall's late, great career, updated its Kickstarter page today. More than two years after it exceeded its fundraising goal and collected more than $57,000, the film is not yet finished. And no, there is no end in sight...
This Man Should Be Brazil's Next Manager
The Brazilian soccer association has confirmed reports that Brazil's manager, Luiz Felipe Scolari, has resigned. Huge surprise! Luckily, we've come up with the perfect, if unconventional, choice to be his successor....
Aaron Hernandez Evidence Includes 33 Pages Of Texts With Bill Belichick
Documents made public today reveal some of the evidence that prosecutors have turned over to Aaron Hernandez's defense in the Odin Lloyd murder case. Among them, interviews with Patriots higher-ups and whole mess of text messages exchanged between Hernandez and Bill Belichick in the months leading u...
Luiz Felipe Scolari Falls On His Sword
There's something about a mollywhomping that turns losers philosophical. As if there's no place to hide, no excuses that can possibly be made, and the only way to salvage some dignity is to humble yourself before a world already inclined to be sympathetic. After Brazil's 7-1 defeat at the hands of G...
Melissa McCarthy's Self-Made Waterloo: <em>Tammy</em>, Reviewed
1. So what happened here, exactly? Tammy is a passion project for Melissa McCarthy—she co-wrote the film with her husband, Ben Falcone, who also directed and has a small role as a fast-food manager—and she spent nearly a decade trying to make it. So why is it so, so terrible? This is the movie McCa...