eli Page 159 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

ESPN Reporter Falls For Hoax, Busts Up Hotel Room
Elizabeth Moreau was in a Gainesville hotel to cover a UF volleyball game for ESPNU, when she got a phone call. Hijinks definitely ensued....

With $110 Million Settlement, Elin Nordegren Can Finally Replace That Busted Car Window
Elin Nordegren reportedly received $110 million in her divorce settlement. That's 11 times more than No. 1 mistress Rachel Uchitel received from No. 2 golfer Tiger Woods. In a just world, it would have been 17 times more. Or 19?...

Bo Pelini Is Pissed In Both Senses Of The Word
Please cast your eyes to the crotch of Coach's pants, which appear to be running a spread offense of their own. [ESPN, H/T Bryan C.]...

The Messiah College Lady's Soccer Team Will Not Tolerate Peeping Toms
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Crazy Lady Elisabeth Hasselbeck Has Predictably Crazy Theory About Our Brett Favre Story
Barry mentioned this earlier, but here's video of Elisabeth Hasselbeck putting on her tin-foil hat and saying it's fishy that the Brett Favre story broke the week Favre was playing the Jets. It's the dumbest conspiracy theory Favre's junk has caused....

Last Night's Winner: Mossholes
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like all those "Patriot Way" fetishists in New England, now freed from the tyranny of watching the greatest deep threat the NFL has ever seen....

Deion Sanders Knows How It Feels To Get Used
Noted intellectual Deion Sanders ponders the life lessons of Cowboys WR Dez Bryant's $55K dinner bill. Says it's funny....

Bud Selig Can't Hear You: A Gallery Of Metaphorically Rich Photos Of The Commissioner Cupping His Ear
The Dallas Observer has the latest entry in an ever-growing genre of sports photography: Bud Selig cupping his ear and straining to hear something that he'll probably just lie about anyway. Speak up, America. Bud can't quite make out what you're saying....

The Fire Joe Morgan Pledge Drive Is Nearing Its Goal
Ken Tremendous checks in: "$4680 has been donated, so our $5000 is right around the corner." Donate in Mike Celizic's memory to the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute or Sloan-Kettering and send a copy of your receipt to [email protected]....

Bud Selig Says He's Willing to Talk About Expanded Baseball Playoffs
It's not like letting more teams into the MLB playoffs is a brand-new idea, but the issue resurfaced before the Cardinals/Cubs game yesterday. Here's what Commissioner Bud Selig said about it:...

Last Night's Winner: Felix Hernandez's Chances Of Not Getting Jobbed Out Of A Cy Young
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Felix Hernandez, who probably locked up his Cy Young last night along about the time the Rays hung their seventh run on CC Sabathia....

Notes, Errata, And A Tip Of The Hat To Hat Guy
A few final notes, before we disappear back to our mothers' basements where we belong:...

"Look At The Tree" Tornado Video Is The East Coast's "Double Rainbow"
So, we had a tornado here in New York yesterday evening. Most people took it in stride. These bros in Brooklyn freaked right the fuck out. Let's enjoy....

Blackhawks Fans Swing Dancing To That One Annoying Song, Because Why Not
A bunch of Blackhawks fans finally decided to combine their team's insufferable goal-scored anthem with the Lindy Hop because when anyone thinks "middling Scottish rock song," they think "dance celebrating Charles Linbergh." [Puck Daddy]...

Let's Talk About Sex, Ines Sainz, And The Sideline
The Jets harassed a female reporter during practice. According to another female reporter who was there, it was the natural outcome of an eye candy "journalist," and a bunch of overgrown young men, filled with testosterone and not much sense....

10 Footballers Who Wouldn’t Visit Prostitutes (NSFW-ish)
If you'd asked The Spoiler a month or so ago to name one footballer who definitely wouldn't reach into his pocket to score some cheap sex with a proz, the name Peter Crouch would have been at the top of the list....

Here's a Picture of Bill Belichick Picking His Nose
(H/T Patriots haters far-and-wide including Noah Devine)...

Have Your Way With Eli Manning
Wanna know a great way to spend a hungover Friday? How about side-by-side with Eli Manning! "All you need is an image of yourself and a few minutes," says this day-making Toyota website. (A-Rod is all "mm-hmm.") Let's play!...

Tortillas Banned From Texas School Celebrations
Tonight, Texas A&M-Kingsville kicks off the season at Northwest Missouri State, in a continuance of the epic D-II rivalry. (Maybe. I don't know.) One mainstay that will be absent: the traditional Tossing Of The Tortillas after Kingsville touchdowns....

Science Wins Again: Heavy Drinkers Live Longer
Hey teetotalers: not only are you a drag, you're going to die younger. Live slow, die fast, jerks....