eli Page 174 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Uh, Mr. Selig, We're Not Sure We Can Get A Crane There In Time
From Fox News' homepage this morning. When we first saw it, it had us running for the phones. First off, what about all the people inside? Secondly, uh, it's not retractable is it? Third ... who gives Bud Selig the authority? Where does he get off? Can he just roam the countryside, ripping off peo...
NFL Roundup: Portis' Head
• Contrary to popular belief, Redskins running back Clinton Portis was not doing an impersonation of Yankees center fielder Bernie Williams chasing a fly ball while doing that cartwheel in the end zone yesterday. Good guess, though. • We're not saying that Cincinnati was getting a little too excit...
Jesus Christ, All-Pro
Little Billy was a terror on defense — he had been living in the opponents' backfield all day. But then he took it one step too far. Yes, as you may have guessed from this photo, Billy was penalized 15 yards for "roughing Jesus," an infraction that also carries loss of down, plus possible eternal ...
Congressional Steroid Hearings End Four Days Early
Wrapping Up The Congressional Steroid Hearings:...
Steroid Hearings: Look, They Invited The NHL!
More From The Congressional Steroid Hearings...
We Watch Steroid Trials So You Don't Have To
We love you so much, that we're actually willing to sit through these Congressional steroid hearings, chaired by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.), who we still think could beat up the entire "Inside The NFL" staff in a fight. (We're not counting Bob Costas, who you totally know would just run away.) Any...
Set Tivos To C-SPAN!
Like most people, we watched last spring's and summer's steroid hearings with many healthy dollops of amusement; it was alternately:...
Making Sure You Have Your Expressed Written Consent
We make fun of commissioner Bud Selig and Major League Baseball a lot here, but we must give credit where credit be due. An enterprising sort named Merritt Bettineski, tongue planted firmly in Merritt Bettineski Cheek, wrote a letter to MLB Headquarters asking Selig for permission to show an old S...
Jon Bon Jovi And Bud Selig Bring The Rock
Now, we know Bon Jovi hasn't exactly ever been, oh, underground, we guess, but on the list of Things We Imagine Rock Stars Doing That Are Debaucherous, Involve Leather Pants And Mostly Out Of Our Frame Of Reference, pre-releasing your album on MLB.com with an extra track for MLB.com customers wou...
Fun With Yard Work!
We are far from the first people to scream the genius of Yard Work, but we still kinda want to be the ones who do it the loudest. Calling the site "satirical" isn't doing it justice; the site is brilliant in mad, somewhat terrifying ways. (We were unable to read this week's story about Rickey Hend...
Kicking Off The Season With Satan
According to the The Boston Herald, which is being amusingly hush-hush about the whole thing, tonight's special guest at the NFL Kickoff Festivities will be Ozzy Osbourne. What does Ozzy Osbourne have to do with football? Well, Kanye West doesn't have anything to do with football either, and if Ozzy...
Outdoor Life Network Wants Baseball. That's Kinda Cute
We're not sure how this is going to work out for them, but the Outdoor Life Network — all uppity after agreeing to be the main NHL network this season — is going to try to bid on Major League Baseball next season. The goal is to pry away those Sunday night and Wednesday night games when ESPN's con...
The Deprogramming of David Wells
It's a sad day when Boston fathead David Wells is turned into a Stepford Drone, but it has happened. On Monday, Wells blasted commissioner Bud Selig and essentially accused him of covering up the Rafael Palmeiro steroid bust, which, frankly, the rest of us all think too. But once Wells left his em...
Wells Gets Detention, Call Home to Parents
After his pissed-off comments Monday, Boston pitcher David Wells has been sent to the principal's office. Wells, who blasted commissioner Bud Selig and accused him of covering up steroid results, was summoned to New York to chat with baseball brass. Interestingly enough, Selig himself is unlikely ...
Wells Digs His Own Hole
It's always amusing when Boston elderly punk David Wells pops off, but we have a suspicion that when he verbally attacked commissioner Bud Selig after his six-game suspension for bumping an umpire was upheld, he might have got himself in some real trouble this time....
Clemens Survives ... For Now
Well, it's 5:30, and no announcement from Selig and company about steroids suspensions as has been widely rumored. We're keeping an eye out, but, of course, we'll just ask Michael Kay about it, if we have to....
The Day Of Rumor Reckoning
Well, today's the day. The Interweb has been all abuzz with rumors for days now that Roger Clemens/Johnny Damon/Gary Sheffield were about to be squashed under the steroid hammer of MLB. The Web was so a-twitter about everything that even the dinosaur print reporters noticed what was going on. (Dan...
About Last Night ...
What You Missed While Telling Your Friends Not To Tell You What You Missed On "Six Feet Under" ... · 49ers Lineman Dies. Still confusion about cause. Sean Penn investigating. · Cards' Rolen To Miss Rest Of Season. Manager Tony LaRussa consoles himself by playing with puppies. · Eli Manning's Elbow "...
The Saga Of Larry Krueger
For those who don't know him, Larry Krueger — who was finally fired last night — is a motormouthed, somewhat annoying late-night talk host on the San Francisco Giants flagship radio station, KNBR-680. On the air August 3 following another inspiring loss by the home lads (3-2 to the Rockies), Krue...
God Finally Tells Athletes To Shut Up Already
From a special column by God in the UK Guardian directed toward athletes who constantly thank him for their success:...