emo Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Very Depressing NBA Trade
The Sacramento Kings selected Ben McLemore out of the University of Kansas with the seventh overall pick in the 2013 draft. It was a surprise he’d fallen that far, and the Kings were very glad to have him. “Ben McLemore was our dream choice from the get-go,” owner Vivek Ranadivé said after the draft...
Antoine Griezmann May Be The Last, Biggest Derrick Rose Fan On Earth
French striker Antoine Griezmann—noted NBA and, specifically, Derrick Rose fan who unfortunately also once painted his entire body black while donning an afro and Harlem Globetrotters uniform—won a World Cup on Sunday. And he played a huge role in the final, delivering the free kick that led to Fran...
The Sports Highlight Of The Day Is This Plucky Little Lemon Rolling Its Way To Freedom
Are you ready to be surprisingly invested in the fate of a lemon? Are you ready to cheer, to gasp, to thrill as an indomitable citrus rolls ever onward, besting the gutter forces arrayed against it? ...
Why Didn't The Rockets Use Their Mid-Level Exception On Luc Mbah A Moute?
Luc Mbah a Moute is leaving the Rockets. And, to use one of the more cursed sentences in the English language, he’s going to be a Clipper. The former Houston forward signed an artificially deflated one-year, $4.3 million contract with the L.A. team that doesn’t have LeBron, in a deal that the Rocket...
Ethiopian Distance Runner Pulls Fellow Countryman By His Shorts After Believing He Was Tripped
The end of today’s men’s 5,000-meter race at the IAAF Diamond League meet in Lausanne, Switzerland devolved into infighting between two Ethiopians when one runner felt he was tripped and yanked his fellow citizen’s shorts in retaliation....
<i>Uncle Drew</i> Probably Shouldn't Exist, But Definitely Isn't Bad
It is not a new or strange thing for professional athletes to want to be seen as more than the sum of their athletic achievements, and you don’t need to be a professional athlete to understand why. For the athletic portion of their strange hothouse lives, these people—normal humans, except for the ...
<i>New Yorker</i> Film Critic Has Reservations About Children's Movie Because His Boner Kept Blocking The Screen
Have you seen Incredibles 2? If you liked 2004's The Incredibles, about a family of superheroes in a sort of midcentury-modern-flavored alternate universe America, you’ll likely enjoy its sequel very much. As you might expect from any big-budget sequel it’s a little less fresh than the original and ...
<i>Hereditary </i>Will Completely Fuck Up Even The Most Seasoned Horror-Movie Watcher
My favorite genre of fiction, in books and stories and movies and probably even television shows, is horror. I love horror. I watch horror movies all the time. I stay up late after my wife goes to bed so that I can watch more horror movies, even though it means that I sleep terribly. My worry with H...
If They Can Put It Together, Croatia Are The Perfect Bandwagon Team For You
If you’re a jilted American fan in need of a World Cup team to root for but you’re put off by the prospect of frontrunning and cheering for a titan like Germany or Brazil, I humbly suggest jumping on the Croatia bandwagon....
Giants' Zak DeOssie Reported His Super Bowl Rings Stolen, Actually Left Them On Top Of His Car
Last month Zak DeOssie thought his championship rings were purloined, but a police investigation concluded that the Giants long snapper had done what many people have with coffee mugs, briefcases, and other items they forget about while getting into their car....
Dominique Moceanu Says Speaking Up About Abuse Ruined Her Career For Nearly A Decade<em></em>
Dominique Moceanu was nervous as she sat in the green room before being interviewed on HBO’s Real Sports in 2008. It was not nearly the biggest stage she’d faced, but the challenge in front of her was a new one. The 1996 Olympic gold medalist and 1995 national champion was about to talk about her ex...
Here’s Mike Moustakas<em></em> Hitting A Homer In The Snow
It started snowing around the sixth inning of the Angels-Royals game last night, and by the time Mike Moustakas came to the plate in the bottom of the eighth inning it was really coming down....
Winnipeg's Been Waiting A Long Time For This
It had been 22 years since a Winnipeg Jets team won a playoff game, and that wasn’t even these Winnipeg Jets. That was a different franchise altogether; it’s in Arizona now. This Jets franchise, including its time in Atlanta, had never won a playoff game. But before a crazy, popcorn-erupting, whited...
Gaze Upon This Mavericks Box Score, And Despair
The Dallas Mavericks, who have spent most of the season doing everything they can to lose games on purpose, fucked up big time on Tuesday night when they beat a very good, playoff-bound Blazers team. This gave them 24 victories on the season, and put them in danger of being passed in The Great Tank ...
From The Grave, Dead Fabulist Pat Conroy Gives New Life To Whopper About Getting His Ass Kicked By His Dad<em></em>
Pat Conroy was full of shit....
Deadspin Nature Moment: A Hawk Eating A Pigeon On Top Of A Trash Can
Welcome back to Deadspin Nature Moment, an irregular feature in which we share various goings-on from the natural world with our readers....
Son Heung-Min Is Playing The Best Soccer Of His Life And Having A Blast While Doing It
Any pro athlete in the major sports will tell you how fortunate they are to earn truckloads of money to participate in what are at heart kids’ games. It’s right there in the one shared verb that unites them: they get paid to “play.” However, it’s rare to find a pro athlete who actually takes to the ...
What A Depressing Offseason
The caveats are caveats, but they do exist. Mike Moustakas is not a superstar, for reasons that are easy enough to identify. He has mostly been a decent defender at an important position, but his defense was unexpectedly and undeniably poor last year; he is a good hitter with real power, but not an ...
Mike Moustakas Will Return To The Royals For Less Than Half Of The Qualifying Offer Value
With three weeks until opening day, third baseman Mike Moustakas is reportedly finally signing a deal to stay in Kansas City. He’ll do so for just a fraction of what he was originally expected to bring in—a one-year, $5.5 million contract with $2.2 million in potential performance bonuses and a mutu...
Hafþór Björnsson Is Still So Goddamn Strong<em></em>
At the same event where Russian strongman Mikhail Shivlyakov’s face turned into a bloody mess, Icelandic strongman and Game Of Thrones hulk Hafþór Björnsson took the stage and deadlifted a world-record 1,041 pounds. Björnsson’s lift came on a specially designed bar meant to accommodate four-digit li...