emo Page 33 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Wake Forest Was A Mild Breeze Away From Upsetting Duke
Wake Forest, a lowly 4-12 ACC squad that Kenpom said had a 99.6 percent chance of losing tonight, came achingly close to beating Duke on “Senior” night at Cameron. The Demon Deacons held with the Blue Devils all night, and even jumped out to a 10-point lead in the second half, but in the end the det...
World's Top Bridge Player Suspended For Doping With Synthetic Testosterone
The World Bridge Federation announced today that Geir Helgemo, the world’s top-ranked bridge player, has been suspended after testing positive for two banned substances: synthetic testosterone and clomifene (a female fertility drug)....
Even The Sprinklers Lost Control In Bournemouth's Match Against Wolves
In the 96th minute of a game tied at one a piece, Bournemouth keeper Artur Boruc was getting ready to launch a ball to his team. As if the pitch was responding to the slow pace of play, sprinklers emerged from the ground and started spraying the players that were waiting for the kick with water....
Who Is Chris Clemons, And Why Does He Score So Many Dang Points?
Depending on how charitable you’re feeling, you might think Campbell University senior point guard Chris Clemons is an unholy cross between Isaiah Thomas and James Harden, or just a North Carolina novelty act piling up impressive stats on the fringes of D-I basketball. Playing for a Big South team t...
Chelsea's Grouchy Meltdown Is Happening Ahead Of Schedule
Why is it always like this at Chelsea?...
Jamaican Distance Runner Kemoy Campbell Collapses While Pacing Men's 3000m At Millrose Games
Saturday afternoon’s Millrose Games had to be temporarily put on hold when Jamaican distance runner Kemoy Campbell collapsed while performing his rabbiting, or pacing, duties during the men’s 3000-meter race. ...
José Mourinho Eats Shit At Russian Hockey Game
Unemployed soccer manager José Mourinho is currently in Russia for some reason, and decided to take in a KHL game today. While performing the pre-game ceremonial puck drop, Mourinho managed to do in his first appearance on ice what it usually takes him three seasons to do when coaching a soccer team...
The Fan Who Keeps Whistling During Rams-Saints Is Impressively Loud
You’re not hearing things—it does sound like a whistle is blowing before every Rams offensive play in today’s NFC title game. That noise is very likely being made at least in part by a superfan named Leroy “Whistle Monsta” Mitchell, who’s been doing it at Saints home games for 22 years. The whistle ...
Alleged Football Leaks Hacker Seeks "Whistleblower" Protection After Arrest In Hungary
Since its inception in 2015, Football Leaks, a website that publishes documents obtained from the hacking of various powerful soccer clubs and organizations, has been the bane of European soccer. The website has helped surface scandals ranging from Cristiano Ronaldo’s rape case and Jose Mourinho’s t...
José Mourinho's Failed Tenure At Manchester United Is Finally Over
After two-and-a-half bad and boring seasons at Manchester United, the club announced today in some euphemistic language that manager José Mourinho has been tossed out on his ass. This decision to get rid of Mourinho is both overdue and yet still surprising, which says so much about the ruinous state...
It Must Suck So Hard To Be A Manchester United Fan
Try, if only for a moment, to go inside the mind of a Manchester United fan....
Manchester United Score Late Winner, José Mourinho Freaks The Fuck Out
José Mourinho fancies himself something of a rock star, so it was fitting when he reacted to Marouane Fellaini rescuing Manchester United with a late winner by treating a couple water bottle carriers like a guitar and kick drum at the end of a metal show....
José Mourinho Caps Quintessential Win With Quintessential Assholery
Juventus had little trouble bossing Manchester United in the Champions League today. The Italian team was in control for the vast majority of the match and, if not for some shaky finishing, probably would’ve won with ease. But even during this struggle of a season, United manager José Mourinho prove...
Everyone, Including The FA, Is Overreacting To The José Mourinho-Marco Ianni Thing
Just after Chelsea’s Ross Barkley scored the equalizer in the 96th minute of their match against Manchester United on Saturday, Chelsea assistant coach Marco Ianni ran onto the field in front of United manager José Mourinho, heaved an almighty fist pump, and then jogged back to his bench. As Ianni h...
José Mourinho No Longer Tolerates Over-Celebrating, Apparently
After a second Anthony Martial goal put Manchester United up 2-1 against Chelsea in the 73rd minute, it looked like José Mourinho had inspired his side, yet again, to put in a second-half comeback performance to seal a win. Three point would have given Mourinho his first victory at Stamford Bridge s...
Happy One-Year Anniversary To This Bullshit
Has it already been a year? It seems like just yesterday I was watching wonderteen Christian Pulisic, now a wonderman, sob tears of abject despair and humiliation on a ratty old pitch after being knocked out of the World Cup qualifying rounds by Trinidad and Tobago. Let us take a trip down memory la...
Let's Remember Some Guys: WrestleMania Vol. V
Wrestlers had jobs in the 1990s....
José Mourinho's Job Saved By Former And Current Scapegoats
José Mourinho will likely survive another matchweek at Manchester United thanks thanks to an incredible comeback led by players who have few reasons to play hard for their manager....
José Mourinho Is Cornered
Usually when Manchester United manager José Mourinho—who has been presiding over a plummeting team full of star players who hate him—is backed up against a wall of his own failings, he reacts by talking some insane and/or defensive shit or by storming away in anger. In his pre-match press conference...
Adam Ottavino Overthought It
During the regular season, Rockies reliever Adam Ottavino worked 36 at-bats to an 0-2 count. Hitters went 0-36 against him in those situations, and 31 of them ended up as strikeout victims. It’s hard to understand, then, how this happened:...