A great judgment call from a true professional.

Well what do you know, it turns out that world-class asshole Sergio Ramos was actually innocent of this one incident of assholery against Raheem Sterling in Monday’s Spain-England match.

Update [Oct. 17, 10:04 a.m.]: Today Sergio Ramos posted a video that proves he did not actually stomp on Raheem Sterling. The original version of this post can be found below.

Though Paco Alcácer’s goal today came when Spain were already down big in their UEFA Nations League match against England, the weight of the scoreline was never going to keep the corners of his mouth from turning upward in delight. Alcácer had stepped over the sideline and into a 3-0 hiding in the 57th minute, and…

Instead of paying a speeding ticket like a normal person might, David Beckham opted to plead not guilty and take this thing to court. There, his slick lawyer—known by British media as “Mr. Loophole”—got him off on a technicality, the BBC reported.

This own goal from Huddersfield’s Juninho Bacuna came in stoppage time, with his team already down 1-0 to Stoke City in today’s League Cup match. Since Bacuna’s gaffe wasn’t the difference maker in the result, it’s okay to marvel at his impressively sliced shot, which would have been an all-timer had he somehow …

If we were to build a pantheon of world soccer’s most lethal weapons, there are a few iconic appendages we can think of that would be locks to make it in: Lionel Messi’s left foot, Cristiano Ronaldo’s right, Abby Wambach’s head. To those ranks we must now add the right hip/stomach/ribs region of Lauren Hemp, the…

I suppose it’s worth setting up this clip with a bit of context: What you’re about to see is Gary “The Flying Scotsman” Anderson getting 501 with the minimum nine throws during a darts tournament in Blackpool, England. This is essentially the darts version of a perfect game, so you should be impressed. But what you’re…

Belgium topped England in a loose and entertaining third-place game Saturday, behind a couple terrifying quick-strike counterattack moves, and some delightfully screwy defending from the lads of England.

When I adopted England as my team for this America-free World Cup, I figured they would fuck me over by bowing out early, maybe underwhelming in the group stages. Instead, they REALLY fucked me over by making a run, getting my hopes up, and then collapsing against Croatia when they had more than a few chances to build…

Immediately after England scored in the fifth minute of today’s World Cup semifinal, it seemed like they’d cruise to a comfortable win over a clearly exhausted Croatia side that was running on fumes.

The bracket was on their side, the memes were on their side, and even the sport, a creation of their very own, appeared to be in favor of the Brits. Unfortunately for them, football won’t be coming home, because Croatia beat England in their World Cup semifinal today by a score of 2-1.

Is it coming home or what? It only took five minutes for Kieran Trippier to do his thing and put England up 1-0 with a gorgeous curling free kick from just outside the box.

England are in the World Cup semifinals, and all the lads know one thing to be true: It’s coming home.

In a truly unfortunate turn of events, England’s World Cup run can no longer go down as anything other than a tremendous success after the terrible lads triumphed over Sweden Saturday, 2-0. We are left to take inadequate consolation from the fact that under no circumstances can both England and Russia advance to the…

Coming into the knockout rounds, everything was lined up perfectly for England to make their deepest World Cup run in generations. Naturally, this set a countervailing force in motion, one that would see England do what they always do and choke in hilariously heartbreaking fashion. During today’s England-Colombia match…

In today’s crucial group stage match between England and Belgium, the Brits narrowly managed to come out on top by coming out on bottom of a hard-fought 1-0 loss. With this phenomenal loss, England won entry to the much weaker side of the knockout round bracket, and now have a clear lane to the World Cup semifinal.

England and Belgium will meet tomorrow at Kaliningrad Stadium in a match that will decide which team will win Group G. Both teams have scored eight goals and conceded two in a matched pair of blowout wins against Panama and Tunisia. This means that if they draw tomorrow, they will have identical goal differentials and…

Expectations are everything at the World Cup. A narrow loss in the Round of 16 might be a generationally humiliating result for one team while being a heroic feat of determination and resolve for another, with the lines between the two being drawn based on what was expected from each team coming into the tournament.…

England pulled level with group rivals Belgium after their lopsided win against Panama this morning, giving each national side six points going into their final group stage game against each other. Not only do Belgium and England have the same amount of points, though, but they also have exactly eight goals for and…