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Eli Manning Beats Tom Brady, Will Still Not Be Considered Elite: Your Sunday NFL Roundup
For whatever reason, Eli will always be considered just an "OK" quarterback. Maybe it's because he is a contemporary of some very, very good quarterbacks—one of whom is his big brother—or maybe it's because he is kind of a doofus. Either way, here's your Sunday roundup. Enjoy....

Getting An Answer Out Of Bill Belichick Is Fucking Frustrating
Thrill to the master of stonewalling doing his damndest not to say anything interesting, or really anything at all about Julian Edelman's assault and battery arrest. The Boston papers sent their general reporters and not their sports writers to Belichick's presser so they could ask the tough quest...

Patriots Player, Dressed As A Cop, Was Charged With Indecent Assault And Battery On Halloween Night
New England Patriot Julian Edelman was charged with indecent assault and battery on a woman early this morning. He is due in Boston Municipal Court for an arraignment today. Hopefully, since he was taken into custody at a Back Bay nightclub at about 1:30 this morning, he has had the opportunity to c...

SprtsCntr: The Losers All Talk The Same
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Rob Gronkowski's Brother Goes As Rob Gronkowski For Halloween
Earlier today, Rob Gronkowski's younger brother, Glenn, tweeted a picture of his Halloween costume. Oh, those crazy younger brothers. He's a college student, at Kansas State, so this costume actually fits his budget perfectly. No Shirt, and a jersey from his brother. The whole thing is priceless. W...


Mario Balotelli: Spokesman For Firework Safety
Man City's mercurial striker had one hell of a weekend. He set his rented $4.8 million house on fire after setting off fireworks in the bathroom. He scored the first two goals in a 6-1 thrashing of second place Manchester United at Old Trafford, Sir Alex's "worst ever" defeat. He drove through Manch...

Rob Gronkowski's Porn Star Ladyfriend Says She Humped Dan Uggla And Assorted Married Athletes
Bibi Jones, noted buddy of Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, and star of such acclaimed flicks as The Crib and Babysitters 2, appeared on the Toucher and Rich Show today to tell her tales....

Rob Gronkowski, Hanging Out With Porn Star Bibi Jones, Looks Like He's Enjoying His Bye Week
The Patriots don't play this weekend, and Bill Belichick's authoritarian grip on his players is apparently taking some in-season time off, too. Gronkowksi, the Patriots' rookie second-year tight end, reportedly went back to Arizona (where he played in college) to unwind, and by all indications he's...

"City Fans, 10% Off; United Fans, Fuck Off."
Could you tell it's nearly derby day? With City two points clear ahead of Sunday's showdown at Old Trafford, the watering holes of Manchester are taking sides. [Twitter]...

Mr. Congeniality Bill Belichick Has Some Thoughts On The Postgame Coach Handshake
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Bill says it's all the media's fault....

The Stats May Or May Not Show That Dez Bryant Played His Ass Off, But This Photo Does
Your morning roundup for Oct. 17, the day the headline "Used Condom-Collecting Women Charged In Alleged Sex Attack Spree" caught our attention. H/T to Adam for the Dez Bryant photo. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Patriots TE Aaron Hernandez Ate A Piece Of Grilled Chicken In The Locker Room Today
"It's General Tso's chicken," Hernandez told reporters. "It's grilled, so it's pretty healthy."...

Are Things Going Any Better For John Henry Over At Liverpool?
It's been almost exactly one year since Henry's Fenway Sports Group purchased Liverpool, so to mark the occasion, Henry agreed to a rare lengthy interview with the Guardian. Both parts are well worth your time, but let's draw out the interesting stuff....

Oh Look, An Empty Threat To Bench Wayne Rooney For A Year
After a red card in England's draw with Montenegro, Wayne Rooney will miss the first one or two games (depending on a disciplinary hearing) of next summer's European Championship. With three big warm-up matches before the tournament, England manager Fabio Capello is supposedly contemplating using Ro...

So D'Brickashaw Ferguson's Shoe Got Stuck In Patrick Chung's Helmet For A Bit Yesterday (Video)
The Jets tackle delivered a block on Kyle Arrington when his foot met Chung's facemask and wouldn't let go, ripping the helmet right off of Chung's head. Ferguson would need the assistance of two officials to finally pry the shoe loose. [Cosby Sweaters]...

What The Boston-Area Papers Wrote About An Interview In Which Aaron Hernandez Had Nothing To Say Except "Aaaahuuugh"
The above video has been bouncing around because of the obvious silliness of Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez's reaction yesterday to questions about his injured left knee. Hernandez has been out for two games, so his condition is somewhat newsworthy in New England. And after clowning for a bit, H...

Wes Welker Doesn't Know How The White Boy Does It, Either
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Wes Welker reflects on the wonder of his whiteness....

HOLY SHIT TOM BRADY CUT HIS HAIR
What does that face tell you? He looks guilty to me. Is this some form of self-inflicted punishment? Or is he punishing us? Did Gisele make him do it? Did Belichick make him do it? Did Jesus get jealous and make him do it? Did the Bills make him do it? Did ESPN The Magazine make him do it? Will the ...

Growing Up On NFL Violence In A Violent Neighborhood
We're doing a season-long NFL roundtable with our friends at Slate. Check back here each week as a rotating cast of football watchers discusses the weekend's key plays, coaching decisions, and traumatic brain injuries....