epl Page 19 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
José Mourinho's Failed Tenure At Manchester United Is Finally Over
After two-and-a-half bad and boring seasons at Manchester United, the club announced today in some euphemistic language that manager José Mourinho has been tossed out on his ass. This decision to get rid of Mourinho is both overdue and yet still surprising, which says so much about the ruinous state...
This Is How Liverpool Will Win The Premier League
Liverpool are legitimate contenders to win all the big trophies this season for the simple reason that their starting lineup is crammed full of players who are amongst the very best at their positions. Mohamed Salah, Virgil van Dijk, Alisson, Trent Alexander-Arnold, the forward line generally, the f...
Chelsea Ban Four Fans In Conjunction With Alleged Racist Abuse Of Raheem Sterling
While local police investigate an incident during Saturday’s Chelsea-Manchester City match during which a Chelsea fan was caught on camera allegedly yelling racist shit at Raheem Sterling, Chelsea have identified four fans suspected of being involved and have banned them from attending matches while...
Cross Country Runner Faceplants Across Finish Line
Congratulations to Jimmy Gressier, a 21-year-old French runner who defended his title in the Under-23 European men’s cross country championships today. We’d also like to extend our apologies to Jimmy Gressier, the two-time defending Euro cross country champ who many people now know only because he f...
Officials At Army-Navy Needed 8 Minutes To Review A 2-Yard Run
The Army Black Knights held a 10-0 lead against their bitter rivals, the Navy Midshipmen, heading into the fourth quarter of the 119th game between the two academies. Faced with a fourth-and-two situation, and having used the break between quarters to mull things over, Army coach Jeff Monken elected...
Thank God David Silva's Hair Transplant Is Finally Taking Root
David Silva has long been one of the most aesthetically pleasing players in soccer, mostly because he is a wizard with the ball at his feet but also due to a handsome look that married strong, angular facial features with what was a delightfully messy mop of hair. Then last year he buzzed off that f...
David Moyes Is The Most Interested Man In The World
Southampton fired Mark Hughes today after finally realizing what was evident to just about everyone the day he got the manager position there, which is that things were almost certainly not going to work out. And like your unemployed cousin who desperately needs a job so he can finally move out of y...
Here's A Fair Way To Pay College Athletes For Their Labor
At the end of October, federal prosecutors succeeded in proving something that every college sports fan alive already knew. With the help of FBI wiretaps, defendants Jim Gatto, Merl Code, and Christian Dawkins were found guilty in federal court of wire fraud and conspiracy to commit wire fraud. The...
Premier League Votes To Force-Feed Fans Steaming Piles Of VAR Next Season
If you read this site you probably already know why VAR, soccer’s misguided foray into video replay, is shit. Up to now the Premier League admirably resisted the trend of competitions shoveling VAR down everyone’s throats, in part because of some high-profile local instantiations of VAR’s shittiness...
Claudio Ranieri, Everyone's Lovable Soccer Grandpa, Is Here To Save Fulham
Despite spending something like £100 million in the transfer market in the summer, newly promoted Fulham have been the worst team in the Premier League by a good margin. Finally, they’ve decided to do something about it. Today the club announced that they’ve fired manager Slaviša Jokanović and repla...
It's Time To Admit That Manchester City Are Unstoppable
Look, we get it. To a certain way of thinking, blowouts are bad, indisputable superiority is boring, and a season with a wire-to-wire table-topper isn’t as enthralling as a tightly competitive one. It would be nice if this year’s Premier League title race were a genuine competition between two or mo...
New Footage Shows The Moment Leicester City Owner's Helicopter Spun Out Of Control
A recently released video taken from the pitch of Leicester City’s stadium on Saturday shows the exact moment a helicopter, which was carrying Leicester’s owner, Vichai Srivaddhanaprabha, and four other passengers, began to spiral out of control before crashing and exploding, killing everyone on boa...
Mohamed Salah Is Smiling Again
There was a minor inquest into Mohamed Salah’s state of mind following Liverpool’s comprehensive victory against Red Star in the Champions League last week. Salah scored twice in the 4-0 ass-kicking, but both of his post-goal reactions were noticeably subdued. The same was true after his goal the we...
Everyone, Including The FA, Is Overreacting To The José Mourinho-Marco Ianni Thing
Just after Chelsea’s Ross Barkley scored the equalizer in the 96th minute of their match against Manchester United on Saturday, Chelsea assistant coach Marco Ianni ran onto the field in front of United manager José Mourinho, heaved an almighty fist pump, and then jogged back to his bench. As Ianni h...
When Mesut Özil Is On His Game, He's A Goddamn Marvel
Arsenal moved into a three-way tie on points for third in the Premier League with a 3-1 win over Leicester City today. More than anyone else, the Gunners have Mesut Özil to thank for that. Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang may have scored Arsenal’s go-ahead goal, and Héctor Bellerín may have gotten the assi...
Chelsea's New Plan For Dealing With Racist Fans: Send Them To Auschwitz
Racism and soccer go together like peas and carrots, or like cigarettes and lung cancer. Premier League club Chelsea have struggled with the scourge of racist fans themselves, and they’ve come up with a new plan for how to deal with it: instead of banning bad fans from the stadium, send them to Ausc...
The Biggest Game Of The Premier League Season Was Kind Of A Dud
It’s generally not a good testament to a soccer match’s quality when the most compelling footage taken from the game involves a couple of guys talking to each other. That was the case for yesterday’s hyped-up Liverpool vs. Manchester City match, a clash that had everyone who’d tuned in giddy to watc...
José Mourinho Is Cornered
Usually when Manchester United manager José Mourinho—who has been presiding over a plummeting team full of star players who hate him—is backed up against a wall of his own failings, he reacts by talking some insane and/or defensive shit or by storming away in anger. In his pre-match press conference...
Paul Pogba And José Mourinho's Relationship Is Rapidly Deteriorating
When last we updated you on the fraught situation between Manchester United manager José Mourinho and his star player Paul Pogba, the two parties were slamming their team’s performance this weekend and low-key (or in Pogba’s case, explicitly) blaming one another for the loss. In just a few short day...
Mourinho And Pogba Agree That Manchester United Suck, But Disagree On Who Is To Blame
If there’s good news to come from Manchester United’s home draw against newly promoted Wolverhampton on Saturday, it’s that José Mourinho and Paul Pogba agree on what the problem is. If there’s bad news to come from that good news, it’s that Mourinho and Pogba more or less think it’s the other one’s...