epl Page 31 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Manchester United Have A Wayne Rooney Problem
Despite what you may have heard, Wayne Rooney does not in fact suck. He remains a really good Premier League player who is very smart and boasts a unique skill set that can be quite valuable to the right team. However, he was really bad in Manchester United’s 3-1 loss to Watford, and it’s becoming i...
Thankfully, The Manchester Derby Wasn't All About José Mourinho And Pep Guardiola
It’s more than a little understandable that the narrative buildup coming into this weekend’s Manchester Derby was centered on the game as a managerial showdown. Yes, the two iconic managers of this generation—José Mourinho and Pep Guardiola, two legitimate soccer geniuses who famously and furiously ...
Payet Rabona Assist!
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Arsenal Draw Even On Laurent Koscielny Golazo<em></em>
Arsenal fell behind Southampton early thanks to a Petr Čech own goal, but Laurent Koscielny erased the deficit with an overhead kick off a series of headers from a corner delivery. ¡Golazo!...
Christian Benteke Probably Made Crystal Palace Sign His Little Brother, Who Sucks
It’s often difficult for small teams to convince players at big clubs making big bucks to forgo the glory and riches of the game’s destination clubs in favor of being the star at the little team, even when said player has found himself latched to the big team’s bench. Thus small clubs must pull out ...
Yesterday's Craziness Is Why We Love Transfer Deadline Day
The transfer window as a whole pretty much sucks. It teases you with literally thousands of tantalizing rumors about so-and-so team going after so-and-so player, drumming up a cacophony of irrelevant takes about value and fit and ideal roles for transfers that do not and were never going to actually...
Everton Sent A Private Jet To France to Pick Up Moussa Sissoko, But He Signed With Tottenham<em></em>
Transfer deadline day makes for wonderful theater. That guy your team supposedly signed? Nah, he’s in Qatar. That Mirror reporter who insisted Manchester United were ABSOLUTELY going to sign James Rodriguez? He’s moved on to tweeting erroneous reports about some Spaniard who is not going anywhere ei...
Arsenal Finally Woke Up And Signed Some Very Good Reinforcements
Arsenal spent most of the summer transfer window swinging and missing at a series of targets. They went at Jamie Vardy, but he stayed with Leicester. They then made a serious effort to dislodge Alexandre Lacazatte from Lyon, but his club tried to extract an increasingly inflated amount of money from...
Claudio Bravo Died (Er, Joined Manchester City) So That Marc-André ter Stegen Could Live
On behalf of all Barcelona faithful, I’d like to first wish a sincere congratulations to goalkeeper extraordinaire Claudio Bravo and Manchester City for finally sealing their long-awaited union:...
Should Christian Pulisic Leave Dortmund For The Premier League?
Here’s a tweet:...
Is Steeplechase Dangerous? Ask This Dude's Face.
If you visited our site in the last hour, you’ve probably spent some time thinking about which Olympic event would be the least likely to kill you. “Steeplechase!” one of you probably said to yourself. “Steeplechase seems pretty chill. I bet I could participate in that and escape with my life.”...
Yaya Touré And Pep Guardiola Have No Choice But To Play Nice
It’s funny, seeing Yaya Touré and Pep Guardiola say nice things about each other through the media, when it’s pretty clear that that the two probably don’t particularly like each other in the slightest....
The Premier League Kind Of Sucks Right Now And It's Awesome
It would not be an overstatement to call this Premier League season the most anticipated one in years. Coming off the collective disaster on the part of all the league’s biggest clubs last season that allowed something that three years ago you probably would’ve called Lysester City run away with the...
Coutinho Draws Liverpool Level
Liverpool’s star-filled squad struggled with Arsenal’s collection of anonymous jamokes until Philippe Coutinho rocketed home this bender past Petr Cech to draw his side level at the half....
Zlatan Scores, Makes World Reconsider Hatred Of Manchester United In EPL Debut<em></em>
Zlatan Ibrahimović has never once let us down, so there was no question that he would score in his Premier League debut with Manchester United against Bournemouth today; the only question was how. Volley from 40 yards out? Bender from a corner? Hypnosis? If you had your money on “exploiting a near-i...
Tottenham Manager's Feelings Toward Players After Last Season's Collapse: "I Wanted To Kill All Of Them"
When we last heard from Tottenham manager Mauricio Pochettino at the end of last season, he could barely contain his rage following Spurs’ embarrassing defeat to Newcastle, which capped what was almost a perfect season with yet another humiliating St. Totteringham’s Day. He has not forgotten that da...
José Mourinho And Manchester United Are Really Feeling Themselves After The Pogba Deal
Yes, Manchester United won a huge, potentially era-defining victory when they convinced Paul Pogba to join them this summer. It makes sense that everyone at the club would be ecstatic about it. What is less necessary is the way the club, and shit-talk lover José Mourinho himself, appear to be using ...
Paul Pogba's Move To Manchester United Is All About The Money
In the end, the process was simpler than many imagined. Any serious follower of the game has predicted for years that, when Paul Pogba—absurdly precocious and ludicrously talented Juventus midfielder—was finally convinced that he’d outgrown the Bianconeri and Serie A and decided to make the leap fro...
Nationals Turn First 3-(3)-5 Triple Play In History
When the Nationals ended last night’s eighth inning with a triple play against the Giants, few watching realized they’d seen something that literally has never happened before in major league baseball. At least according to SABR, it was the first 3-(3)-5 triple play in MLB history:...
Graziano Pellè Newest Player To Get Stupid Rich By Going To China<em></em>
International tournaments are prime opportunities for both emerging and established talents to showcase their skills on the biggest stages in hopes of securing a move to a more prestigious team or league, and the raise that usually comes with. Graziano Pellè played well enough at the recently conclu...