evil Page 50 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Today In Rather Bizarre Potential Kurt Warner Movie News
"Warner has talked to movie producers interested in making Warner's life story. Kurt's wife Brenda wants Denzel Washington play the lead." That concludes Today In Rather Bizarre Potential Kurt Warner Movie News. [Pro Football Talk, H/T Disco Choo]...

White Duke Player Completes Rare Feat Of Athleticism
Miles and Mason Plumlee, of the Arden Plumlees, took a moment during the Duke basketball game for some fun. Watch as Miles jumps over Mason to throw down a dunk and delight the other tank-top wearing white people in attendance. [The Dagger]...

Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater: Bobby Hurley
Welcome back to Incongruous Athlete Mix-Tape Theater. Today's entry: former Duke point guard Bobby Hurley synced up to Scandal's rollicking anthem, "The Warrior." Note the brilliant match-editing at the 1:01 mark. H/T TarHeelBlues ...

Duke Basketball Fan Feels Persecuted, Part 7,938
"i've noticed that espn opens each sportscenter with championship snippets of the yankees, saints, lakers, alabama football, even uconn women's bball. hmmm. who's missing and is it intentional?" That's followed by the emoticon for "whining Little Lord Fauntleroy." [Duke Basketball Report]...

Area Man Hits Two Holes In One
His name is Rich Schultz (yellow polo, large grin, Jersey tan), but please don't call him "Two Holes" because that's somewhat suggestive. Odds of him hitting two holes in one during a single round? 26,045,834 to 1. [Allentown Morning Call]...

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK BY DEVILS
Hence, the prolonged wheel-spinning you may be experiencing. From Gawker Quality Assurance: "It appears that we are under attack again, and are seeing major problems as a result." Just be patient or FUCKING PRAY QUIETLY BEFORE THEY MAKE YOUR EYES BLEED....

Ilya Kovalchuk's 17-Year Contract Is So, So Illegal, And The NHL Can't Do Anything About It
It's being reported that Ilya Kovalchuk, 27 years old, re-signed with the Devils for 17 years and $100-plus million. What gives? Oh, nothing. Just New Jersey taking a dump on the salary cap, and wiping its ass with the CBA....

Accused Russian Spy Also Fan Of Neutral Zone Trap
The Feds should have known something was off, since no real Devils fan likes Ilya Kovalchuk. Also, only someone who grew up in the wilds of Siberia could be happy to be in Newark. [Star-Ledger]...

PING! It's College World Series Time!
Actually, it has been for several days already, but by request, here's a CWS open thread. No. 1 Arizona State got bounced today and Oklahoma plays Clemson in the nightcap. No offense, but I'm watching "The Two Escobars." [AP Photo]...

More Photos Of Ben Roethlisberger's Night In Milledgeville Released
About 54 cds featuring video interviews will also be released later today by the Georgia Bureau of Investigation. Check out the first 13 photos of Big Ben, Willie Colon and a gaggle of sorority gals hanging out pre-bathroom badness. More later.[TSG]...

Men From World's Most Insufferable Prestigious Universities To Decide Championship With Lacrosse-Off
That's right, the bros from Duke and the bros from Notre Dame are going to take some time away from icing other bros and play a game that involves nets and balls where neither Digger Phelps or Mike Krzyzewski will be involved....

Presenting The London Olympic Mascots Photoshop Contest
The twin horrors of London 2012 are oh so exploitable. To that end, we're calling for your photoshopped submissions. Fabulous prizes abound!...

Footage Of Maryland Student's Beating Goes Missing, Re-Appears Minus Some "Editing"
A disc of security camera video that might show police officers assaulting a Maryland student during the post-Duke game bliss mysteriously went missing, then re-appeared hours later....with a two-minute gap in the footage. Wait! That's not the shadiest part, yet!...

ESPN.com Editors Can't Appreciate A Good Manly Kiss
It's not so much that the image on the front page of Soccernet is Gary Neville warmly congratulating Paul Scholes on his game-winner. It's more that the original filename was "nevillegay" (since been changed to "nevillekiss"). [ESPN.com]...

David Brooks Provides Us With Yet Another Reason To Hate Duke (And David Brooks)
I'm sorry, somehow we missed this bit of intellection from the Upmarket Jeff Foxworthy, David Brooks: "How do you construct a rich versus poor narrative when the rich are more industrious?" he mused last week ... about Butler-Duke....

Video Catches Cops Brutally Beating Maryland Student After Duke Game
After a Maryland student was seriously injured during the melee that followed the Terps big win over Duke last month, cops claimed he had attacked mounted policemen and was kicked by their horses. This videotape says they're dirty liars....

Detestable School, Loathsome Sneaker Company Produce Most Insufferable Ad Ever
This ad appeared in Sports Illustrated. As it is not a four color ad or black & white, it cost somwhere between $229,300 and $352,800. At least, according to the SI rate card, pictured after the jump: ...

Some Steelers Fans Have Soured On Big Ben: "He's A Jagoff"
Ben Roethlisberger won't be charged in the Milledgeville bathroom incident, but some Steeler faithful have declared Big Ben unfit to wear the Black & Gold. Our Pittsburgh correspondent, Domenick Cosentino, visited local watering holes last night to get some unfiltered Yinzer reaction....

Jon Scheyer's Prank Was Pretty Darn Funny
Damn it. I hate when this happens. A guy you don't want to likes goes and pulls off a prank that can only be described as excellent. Goddamnit....

Welcome Back, Duke Persecution Complex
At left is the front page of the Charlotte Observer the day after North Carolina won the 2009 national championship. At right, this morning's front page. Dookies, you may now return to your hilariously overblown sense of persecution....