ew Page 2068 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Is Supremely Fucked Up, Don't Do This
Here we have a Yankees fan, excited because the baseball team he roots for is winning, throwing the majority of his beer onto another person for the apparently sole reason that the other person is a fan of the other baseball team. Really fucked up!...
Beefy Baseball Boy Luke Voit Is The Yankees' Not-So-Secret Weapon
Luke Voit is a meaty midwestern lad who can’t or won’t button up his jersey all the way and whose grandmother still sends him $25 for every home run he hits, and there have been a lot of $25 checks from Nana in the last couple of months....
Athletics' Feel-Good Season Smashed Up And Ruined By Vile Yankees
The Athletics had a fascinating regular season, and were a ton of fun to follow, and it would’ve been neat to watch a genuine underdog that got to this point in such a weird and surprising way go up against the powerhouse Red Sox in the ALDS. Alas, the dream died Wednesday when the Yankees smashed u...
Are The NHL's Mini-Dynasties Dead?
Until the Capitals broke through to win their first Cup, the Penguins, Blackhawks, and Kings dominated the NHL as the most effective triumvirate since Roman times. Instead of ending with stabbings and civil war, the modern NHL version collapsed for more mundane reasons involving salary caps and agin...
The Time Aretha Franklin Called Dave McKenna A Liar
Our beloved colleague Dave McKenna tells good stories. He’s done a lot of cool shit, met many weird people in weird ways, and had his run-ins with the law. And after selfishly squirreling all his stories away in Slack and our brains for years, we’ve realized we have a societal obligation to share....
A 2018–19 NHL Season Preview Of Every Team, From Best To Islanders
Hell yeah, hockey is back! After suffering through three months of sports that do not involve ice, and night after night of 90-degree temperatures with no A/C (though that one might just be me), the most beautiful and fun game in the world has returned to save you from five-hour ALDS games and lopsi...
Please Do Not Stalk Jordan Bell
Last September, Warriors then-rookie Jordan Bell shared a photo on Instagram from the balcony of his apartment in Oakland, which was sufficient for observant and/or obsessive Warriors fans to pinpoint exactly where he and his girlfriend were laying their heads. According to a report from The Mercury...
Ass Team Of The Week: Do Not Ever Feel That You Must Respect The Dolphins
This is my favorite part of the NFL season, in part because I get a certain thrill out of watching teams that roar off to surprisingly hot starts being put ruthlessly back into their places. I feel like I’ve lived through seven or eight NFL seasons that began with, like, the Buffalo Bills going 3-0,...
Ron Baker Sucked A Contact Lens And Then Put It Right In His Damn Eye<em></em>
Ron Baker played 17 mostly second-half minutes in Monday night’s Knicks preseason game, which went to overtime. It was in overtime, with just under a minute left, when Baker was whacked in the face by Wizards rookie Troy Brown and had his contact lens dislodged. Lacking a few drops of nice clean sal...
Markieff Morris's Bad Temper Is In Mid-Season Form
My friends, the Morris twins are extremely back on their bullshit. Last week Marcus Morris took the bait when Tristan Thompson ran his mouth about the LeBron-less Cavs still being the team to beat in the Eastern Conference. Also last week Markieff Morris felt it sensible to declare that the Boston C...
Kyrie Irving Is Sorry For Ironically(?) Perpetuating The Flat Earth Theory
Boston Celtics guard Kyrie Irving has something of a confession: He was not totally serious about being a big-time flat Earth guy, even though he spent a lot of time playing the part of a fake-deep intellectual. At a panel today, Kyrie blamed an algorithm-fueled YouTube binge for his incorrect belie...
Todd Bowles Hates Risk, Loves Meaningless Field Goals And Punts<em></em>
Was it really only three weeks ago that the Jets thumped the Lions on Monday Night Football? Did that win, which ushered in that unfamiliar sensation of honest-to-goodness hope, actually happen this season? The Jets haven’t won since, and Sunday’s 31-12 loss at the Jaguars was a total fartbomb that ...
Orlando Arcia Came Out Of Nowhere To Help The Brewers Win The NL Central
Of all the regular players on the Milwaukee Brewers, shortstop Orlando Arcia is almost undeniably the worst. With an on-base percentage of .260, a weakling slugging percentage of .299, and multiple demotions to the minors in 2018, it’s honestly a wonder that this guy even managed to get the start in...
All You Need Is Spite: A Very Emotional NHL Season Preview
Boys and girls and babes, we all learned so much during the 2017–2018 NHL season. For example, I learned that chaos rules the universe, sports predictions are horoscopes but less accurate, and hockey games are won by pure, defiant, you-said-I-couldn’t-do-it spite and very little else....
Alvin Kamara Never Goes Backwards
Saints running back Alvin Kamara doesn’t look like one of those dense orbs of muscle and tendon that you expect to dish out a great deal of harm to anyone who tries to tackle him. You look at a human medicine ball like LeGarrette Blount, each of whose limbs appear to weigh 200 pounds, and you natura...
Doug Marrone Has Been Waiting Four Years To Stick It To The Jets
The Jaguars beat the Jets 31-12 on Sunday, and it was about as one-sided as an NFL game gets. Jacksonville nearly tripled New York in yards from scrimmage, and nearly doubled their time of possession. But it wasn’t quite enough for Jags head coach Doug Marrone, who sent his team out to go for two in...
Nobody Could Break The Division Ties On MLB's Final Day<em></em>
All four NL teams who needed to win won on the final day of the MLB season, as the Dodgers, Rockies, Cubs, and Brewers all kept their hopes of a division title alive. Their victories set up what will be a wild prelude to the NLDS, with only the Atlanta Braves assured of their spot so far....
Bill Belichick On Dolphins Apparent Fake Injury: "That's Fucking Bullshit"<em></em>
Dolphins CB Bobby McCain didn’t seem to be prepared for a fourth-down play the Patriots were setting up during the second quarter of their game today, and he solved his problem by giving his team a free timeout....
How Patrick Chung's Concussion Fell Through The Cracks
The NFL and the NFLPA on Thursday concluded their joint investigation of Patriots safety Patrick Chung’s concussion. The inquiry found that there were no protocol violations even though Chung was initially not tested for a brain injury after being sent off the field by a game official. This appears ...
Seal Slaps The Bejesus Out Of Kayaker With Live Octopus
There you are, in your boat, kayaking, in the water, in New Zealand or whatever. Here it comes, a seal! Or is it a sea lion? Does this matter? More on that later. What does it have in its—oh. It’s an octopus! What......