ew Page 2789 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Unhappy To Be Stuck With You
We've all known that our main man Chris Berman — who was such a joy to watch broadcasting the Cardinals-Cubs game last night! — has had a lifelong pants party with Huey Lewis And The News. (We think they show the footage of him on stage with the band at least twice a year.) But we had no idea just h...

Welcome, Chorizo!
Yesterday, the chorizo was officially announced as the fifth racing sausage in the Milwaukee Brewers sausage race. They had a special press conference just to introduce him, with his first race this Saturday. He has a little goatee. He is a dancing chorizo....

Bedtime Stories With Alex Rodriguez
You might think you know Yankees third baseman/perpetual ESPN target Alex Rodriguez, but you don't know him at all. Only through his illustrated children book can you possibly being to understand him....

OK, Maybe Everyone Should Boo Dusty
OK, we understand that he had thrown a lot of pitches, and that he had walked five guys, and that the score was 0-0 and that he has been injured enough to need to be coddled a bit....

Harold Reynolds' Firing: The Smaller Picture
Lost in all of the hubbub over Harold Reynolds being dismissed at ESPN is the fact that he won't be in the broadcast booth for the Little League World Series, breaking a nine-year string. It seems especially cruel to cut Reynolds loose on the eve of the biggest event for pint-sized athletes in the...

Welcome, All Chorizos!
If you want to know why we love doing this site more than we've loved doing just about anything else in our lives, here's a good reason: We get to treat the addition of a new racing sausage in Milwaukee has one of the biggest stories of the day. Because IT IS!...

It's Carl Monday Night At The Ballpark
As you know, we're big fans of minor league baseball, particularly the odd promotions they put together from time-to-time. (We still think our favorite is the time a team gave away free vasectomies on Father's Day.) And a couple of weeks ago, we pointed you to the Dunedin Blue Jays' professional w...

Hello, FSN Southwest!
In case anybody out there was wondering who our favorite Fox Sports Net affiliate is ... why, it's Fox Sports Southwest, now that you mention it!...

The Haka Scares Me
That is the Haka of the All Blacks, New Zealand's national rugby team. I don't know how the Australians fared on that particular day, but if I played on an opposing team, and I saw those guys doing that dance, I would run like hell in the opposite direction while screaming about my plans for immedia...

Week In Review: Goatriders, Tornadoes And Carl Monday's Goodbye
• The brilliant (and somehow underrated) final chapter in the Carl Monday-Mike Cooper odyssey. • Jimmy Johnson ... TOPLESS! • Keep your wives away from Bill Belichick! • Curt Schilling, man of the online people! • You can absolutely not go wrong with a Bob Knight instructional video outtake. • No ...

Cultural Oddsmaker: Insane in the Membrane
A.J. Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Send him all kinds of email....

Chalk One Up For The Little Guy
And so the debate rages: Does Johnny Damon, or doesn't he, suck? We refuse to take sides, but one thing we can report is that our nation's babies are now involved. A New Bedford housewife, still miffed over Damon's defection to the Yankees, had been trying to sell "Johnny Damon Sucks" baby bibs on...

Men, Keep Your Wives From Bill Belichick
OK, so it turns out that Patriots coach Bill Belichick is quite the swordsman....

Who Knew Strange Things Happened In Long Island?
OK, probably time to get into this New York Islanders mess. As you surely have read by now, the Islanders fired general manager Neil Smith and hired current backup goalie Garth Snow to take his spot. The move seems curious from all directions; even Snow seems to be receiving a demotion, since he h...

The Closer: Exploring The Melky Way
Notes from a day in baseball ......

Only A Matter Of Time Before This Becomes An Olympic Sport, You Know
It is at once Carl Monday's worst nightmare, and everyone else's dream come true. On August 5, hundreds of people will gather in a hall in central London to, um, pleasure themselves for charity. We only wish we were kidding about the UK's first "masturbate-a-thon," in which contestants — both men ...

Tsuyoshi Shinjo, SUPERSTAR!
We're not going to say anything about this Japanese video of New York Mets flop Tsuyoshi Shinjo. We're just going to show it. And then hide....

Curt Schilling Can't Live Without His Modem
As anyone who has ever been around Sons Of Sam Horn can attest, Red Sox LEGEND AND HERO Curt Schilling tends to spend a little too much time on the computer. (We can attest to this too; he's even emailed us.)...

Week In Deadspin: Sexagenarians, Headbutts And Bears, Oh My!
• Get this folks: Danica Patrick needs to occasionally use a tampon! No way! • MIke Cooper is sentenced and Deadspin is THERE! • Sigh. Another Rocky movie. • Hey, rugby players have to pee too! • Rick Chandler is having tons of fun in Tahoe. • Zinedine Zidane had a somewhat busy week. • It's your ...