fast-food-smackdown - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Burger King's Hot Dogs Are A Tasteful Middle Finger To Uppity Fast FoodHey, bud, want a burrito? For real. I appreciate you: For the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you’re statistically unlikely to be the shrieky dude who lives upstairs. But mostly for the way you click. Damn, you click so good. So I would like to give you a burrito. Or more specifically, I wou...

Fast-Food Smackdown: Burger King's Jalapeño Chicken Fries Vs. Taco Bell's QuesalupaLife, being pain, will sometimes trap even the most careful fast-foodie in the burgerless hellscape of a bullshit “real” restaurant that offers six total options: beef, chicken, this kind of fish, that kind of fish, some mushroom-pasta thing, and a wild card that is probably duck or beans. The meat-...

Fast-Food Smackdown: McDonald's Mozzarella Sticks Vs. Wendy's Bacon Fondue FriesCheese trails only corgis and dead British men as a stimulator of exaggerated public devotion. Forgetting for a blessed second the “lactose intolerant” cowards who try to hide dime-store haterism behind their genetics and intestines, we all stand ever ready to declare undying love for good old thick...

Nacho Smackdown: Taco Bell Vs. 7-Eleven

Tex-Mex food is increasingly popular in the United States for a number of very good reasons: It caters to our changing demographics, it advances our national agenda of all getting as fat as possible, and it’s relatively simple to execute on a large scale. In fact, it’s so hard to truly ruin a burrit...

Chicken Nugget Smackdown: Wendy's vs. Burger King vs. McDonald's

Little kids can be cool, but there are a lot of obvious arguments against parenthood. Children are demonstrably shouty, snotty, and wobbly, and they are rumored to be very expensive to maintain. It has also been widely reported that children have poor taste in television. These are among the reasons...

Burger King's Halloween Whopper Plays Trick-Or-Treat With Your Tongue, Butt

By now you’ve surely heard that ingestion of Burger King’s new Halloween Whopper could lead to a curious and colorful gastrointestinal endgame. I have nothing to add to this lively public discussion, toilet-wise, other than to suggest that if you are either excited or repulsed by this development, y...

Pulled Pork Smackdown: Subway Vs. Wendy's

During the first several decades of our glorious and persistent fast-food era, America’s low-end, high-speed restaurateurs relied almost exclusively on the cow for protein. And why not? Beef tastes good, and cows are huge, plentiful, and otherwise useless (except the cheese cows, those are cool). Bu...

Taco Bell's Dare Devil Loaded Grillers Are Brilliant And Gross, As Usual

Taco Bell is one of the few old-style American fast-food chains still thriving in a reshaped marketplace that increasingly rewards freshness, quality, and nutrition—or at least the perceptions thereof—rather than simply the thrift, speed, and suspect beef upon which the industry was built. The faux-...