fast Page 4 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Is How The Warriors Will Destroy The World
In three seconds: two passes thrown, roughly 72 feet of hardwood spanned, zero dribbles taken, and suddenly Kevin Durant has yammed it hard. This season we’ve been blessed by frequent instances of Russ and Giannis singlehandedly wrecking shit on the run, but this, um, heartwarming display of teamwor...
Tiger Woods Still Too Old And Fucked Up To Play Golf
Tiger Woods hasn’t played a meaningful round of golf since August of 2015, and that’s mostly due to the fact that his body is old and broken. Woods’s camp has repeatedly insisted that the former best golfer alive will return to the course, but all attempts to prove he is in playing shape have so far...
These Athletes Busted For Speeding Were Driving Slower Than Aroldis Chapman's Average Pitch Velocity Last Night
Yankees flamethrower Aroldis Chapman averaged 101.9 mph on his eleven pitches last night against the Twins—and that’s only because one of them was a changeup. How fast is 101.9 mph? Faster than cops clocked the following athletes when they were busted for speeding:...
Make These Damn Good Muffins For Father's Day, Or Any Time
My family has made the same blueberry muffins for Father’s Day since before I was old enough to be responsible for anything more than writing my name in crayon at the bottom of a joint kid card. It’s one of just two family traditions we abide by....
Master Poached Eggs And Never Go Hungry
Maybe you already know how to poach eggs. Perhaps you were inspired by my esteemed colleague Albert Burneko’s missive a few years ago, and now you’re pretty confident you can poach any old egg, no problem. (Note: always poach fresh, new eggs.) You feel a little smug about it, actually—waiting for un...
Burger King's Hot Dogs Are A Tasteful Middle Finger To Uppity Fast Food
Hey, bud, want a burrito? For real. I appreciate you: For the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you’re statistically unlikely to be the shrieky dude who lives upstairs. But mostly for the way you click. Damn, you click so good. So I would like to give you a burrito. Or more specifically, I wou...
Fast-Food Smackdown: Burger King's Jalapeño Chicken Fries Vs. Taco Bell's Quesalupa
Life, being pain, will sometimes trap even the most careful fast-foodie in the burgerless hellscape of a bullshit “real” restaurant that offers six total options: beef, chicken, this kind of fish, that kind of fish, some mushroom-pasta thing, and a wild card that is probably duck or beans. The meat-...
Fast-Food Smackdown: McDonald's Mozzarella Sticks Vs. Wendy's Bacon Fondue Fries
Cheese trails only corgis and dead British men as a stimulator of exaggerated public devotion. Forgetting for a blessed second the “lactose intolerant” cowards who try to hide dime-store haterism behind their genetics and intestines, we all stand ever ready to declare undying love for good old thick...
Nacho Smackdown: Taco Bell Vs. 7-Eleven
Tex-Mex food is increasingly popular in the United States for a number of very good reasons: It caters to our changing demographics, it advances our national agenda of all getting as fat as possible, and it’s relatively simple to execute on a large scale. In fact, it’s so hard to truly ruin a burrit...
Chicken Nugget Smackdown: Wendy's vs. Burger King vs. McDonald's
Little kids can be cool, but there are a lot of obvious arguments against parenthood. Children are demonstrably shouty, snotty, and wobbly, and they are rumored to be very expensive to maintain. It has also been widely reported that children have poor taste in television. These are among the reasons...
Burger King's Halloween Whopper Plays Trick-Or-Treat With Your Tongue, Butt
By now you’ve surely heard that ingestion of Burger King’s new Halloween Whopper could lead to a curious and colorful gastrointestinal endgame. I have nothing to add to this lively public discussion, toilet-wise, other than to suggest that if you are either excited or repulsed by this development, y...
Pulled Pork Smackdown: Subway Vs. Wendy's
During the first several decades of our glorious and persistent fast-food era, America’s low-end, high-speed restaurateurs relied almost exclusively on the cow for protein. And why not? Beef tastes good, and cows are huge, plentiful, and otherwise useless (except the cheese cows, those are cool). Bu...
Taco Bell's Dare Devil Loaded Grillers Are Brilliant And Gross, As Usual
Taco Bell is one of the few old-style American fast-food chains still thriving in a reshaped marketplace that increasingly rewards freshness, quality, and nutrition—or at least the perceptions thereof—rather than simply the thrift, speed, and suspect beef upon which the industry was built. The faux-...
![Good News, Siberians: Now You May Have A Happy Meal [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1402969664089828522.png)
Good News, Siberians: Now You May Have A Happy Meal [Update]
Editor’s Note: As several keen-eyed readers have pointed out, the Siberian Times source article for this post is from 2013. D’oh. Still a pretty funny image....
How To Run With The Bulls
The following is from True.Ink, the new experience-based magazine; head there for way more photos, not to mention dispatches on how to make a pipe, how to turn your pickup truck into a “boatmobile,” and how to make Tom Brady’s pancake recipe....
Pizza Hut's Hot Dog Pizza Isn't Quite Gross Enough
In this strange age of pizza shaming, when Pizzeria Uno has rebranded as Uno’s Chicago Grill, California Pizza Kitchen is deemphasizing flatbread in favor of tequila and quinoa, Domino’s is hawking cheesesteaks, and even Papa Goddamn John is hard-selling chicken poppers, Pizza Hut is staying true to...
Fast-Food Guac-Off: Subway Versus Dunkin' Donuts
Sauces and adjectives are the coagulated lifeblood of fast-food “innovation,” because it’s relatively cheap and easy to spike ranch dressing with cayenne dust, refer to the resulting substance as Kickin’, and splort it onto a chicken patty. It’s a slimy move, but what do you expect them to do? Impro...
Kentucky Breakfast Stout: The Most Important Meal Of The Day
Saturday morning, my wife and I woke up without any particular plan, unless you count the plan to go the art museum, which my wife did in fact count due to the fact that I had agreed to the plan 18 hours earlier, but funny things happen to plans sometimes. So there we were, blissfully plan-free for ...
Tim Howard Kinda Just Chills With His Hands Down, Watches Goal Go In
I know. I know. It was a great goal from Dynamo Kiev's Andriy Yarmolenko. Someone should've, could've stepped to the ball, at some point. Tim Howard probably couldn't have gotten to it anyway. I know. That's all out of the way....
List of Kale Items Made With Kale On New McDonald's Menu (With Kale)
The hippies over at Mother Jones magazine drew our attention to how McDonald's "can't decide whether to troll hipsters or embrace them," so while we all figure out which side of the coin ingesting kale falls on, we're wondering about the new McMenu....