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The Lonesome Independence Day Of Kobayashi, Eater In Exile
On a May evening, in a cramped biergarten behind a German restaurant off the Bowery in Manhattan, Takeru Kobayashi sat down to a plate of Rheinischer Sauerbraten mit Kartoffelklößen und Rotkraut. First, he produced a small camera and began photographing the sauerbraten for his blog, where he catalog...

Let's Check In With Mork "Hunting Bait" Encino
Now that word is out that $12,000 will allegedly afford you the right to spend 24 hours hunting a naked Mork Encino, he's none too worried about the fact that somebody claims to have GPS-located where the pictures on his website HuntMe4Sport.com were taken. Here's what had to say via email yesterda...

Helmet Would Have Saved Motorcyclist Who Crashed During Anti-Helmet Protest Ride
A 55-year-old New York man was riding in an American Bikers Aimed Towards Education helmet-protest ride Saturday when he fishtailed, "went over the handlebars of his motorcycle and injured his head on the pavement." The head injury killed him. ...

Here’s Jon Gruden Saying Weird Shit To Terrelle Pryor
If you missed the supplemental Gruden Camp episode for supplemental draft candidate Terrelle Pryor on ESPN last night, then what you essentially missed was public harassment on a national broadcast. In a nice way!...

Cockblocked By Waves!
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

LeBron James Dunks On Small Child To Stay Alive In Casual Game Of Knockout
LeBron James spoke at a basketball camp this week, and then he humored the young'ns by following up his missed jumpers with a few dunks — one of which knocked out a kid's lay-up and then knocked over the kid. Luckily for the camper, the initial embarrassment will ultimately evolve into the best pa...

18-Year-Old Michael Jordan's Gibberishy, Cocky Love Letter To A Comely Lass Named Laquette
If only we had the grace and verve of Michael Jordan, we've often lamented, we could have been great basketball players. But that powerful desire never extended to love notes, when, clearly, it should have....

If You've Always Wanted To Hunt a Live Human, Here's Your Willing Prey
This here’s the tale of a fella who calls himself “Mork Encino.” Mork, he has faith in his skills as they apply to both eludin’ and survivin’. He launched a website about it on June 20. It’s called “Hunt Me 4 Sport.” As of last night, there were 21 pictures of him sporting overalls in various poses...
![Exclusive: How An NBA Team Makes Money Disappear [UPDATE WITH CORRECTION]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1865o9ndt013bjpg.jpg)
Exclusive: How An NBA Team Makes Money Disappear [UPDATE WITH CORRECTION]
We've obtained audited financial data for the New Jersey Nets covering the three fiscal years from June 2003 to June 2006. Though the numbers end five years ago, you can still see the roots of the argument that will have NBA owners, come midnight, again locking out their players. You can also see ho...

T.J. Fredette Brings His Rap Career To New York Streetball Courts
The Fredette brothers have demonstrated an admirable (and comical) dedication to pursuits not typically reserved for white guys from upstate New York. Jimmer, for example, signed a contract drawn up by his brother T.J. four years ago to promise that he would "do the work and make the necessary sac...

Chinese Male Cheerleader Has All The Right Moves
A friend tells us that this video is going viral in China, and if it's good enough to bring joy to the faces of 1.3 billion inscrutable Chinese, it's good enough for you lot....

Victim Of Quentin Tarantino Toe-Suck Fired From Job After Toe-Suck Story Goes Viral
Beejoli Shah, who decided it was a good idea to let 15 friendsicles read about her bizarre run-in with Quentin Tarantino and his nubby toe make-out techniques, was let go from her job at LA-based brand-builder GENERATE last night, multiple friendsicles have told us....

We've Found The Lass Responsible For The Lone Amstel Light On The Bruins' $156,000 Bar Tab
When the Bruins threw down with an epic body count at their Stanley Cup celebrations at Foxwoods, the world was drawn not to the six-figure bottle of champagne: Armand de Brignac is so played out. Instead it was the solo Amstel Light, a beacon of moderation and taste in a storm of crapulence. ...

The Amarillo Sox Did Not Expect Their New Mascot To Have A Huge Erection
The Amarillo Sox Sock is dead. Long live the Amarillo Sox Sock....

Intel Executive Wonders Moronically "What Intel Can Learn from Miami Heat's Recent Loss"
Let's watch a bunch of Intel employees draw a lot of silly corporate lessons from the failure of one really good basketball team to beat another really good basketball, shall we? First, here's an executive's blog post, written on the company's internal site and passed along by a tipster. We've left ...

With NBA Lockout Looming, Gilbert Arenas And Dwight Howard Start Planking
Perhaps you are familiar with planking, one of those odd fads forced upon us by Australians. (Just like Hugh Jackman!) One planks by lying completely flat on an odd surface and then photographing it....

ESPN Book To Become Future Major Motion Picture About Bristol Guys Having Fun
According to an insider from one of the major talent agencies, Hollywood has expressed significant interest in turning the Miller/Shales oral history of ESPN into a blockbuster movie. It's in the very early stages but, according to our source, one lucky studio will make a major financial investment...

Charles Barkley Has Opinions On Things, This Time At A Baseball Game
For a half-inning, Charles Barkley joined the Sportsnet broadcast booth in Toronto. We edited it down to just the highlights (SportsGrid has the entire thing) of Charles holding court on on local food, the Phillies, and other random nonsense....

Hunt For Beejoli Shah, Fabulist Author Of Viral "Quentin Tarantino Sucked My Toes!" Story Begins (UPDATE)
So, friendsicles: how many of you had the email from "beejoli" forwarded to you this morning and have subsequently sent it along to others? Dozens, I bet. Thousands even. Dozens of thousands probably. Its veracity is still unknown but I know Gawker is dutifully trying to track down "beejoli" to see ...

What's The Best Way To Clean Up Spooge After Bareback Sex?
Hey, I'm some lady. I'm filling in for that guy you like, who is on vacation, which means that he is most likely drinking rum out of a hollow fruit and riding a horse on a beach somewhere right now (romantic!). Speaking of segueing into talking about horses, my main beef with horses is how fragile t...