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Deadspin Classic: Bill Simmons Is Not The Cosmos (<em>The Book Of Basketball</em> Reviewed)
The paperback edition of Bill Simmons's Book of Basketball is now in stores, and reader Patrick Sauer points out one notable tweak to this version: Charles P. Pierce's name no longer appears anywhere in the text. You don't suppose it has anything to do with Pierce's review of the book, do you?...

What Objects Are We Putting In Our Rectums?
Let's have some more fun with the Sun-Sentinel's emergency room database, shall we? Here's a list of various objects that in various contexts were lodged in various rectums. Verbatim:...

Crazy NYC Corner Store Fight Is Crazy
NYC bodegas are always good for something. Take this ridiculous fight for example. Somebody owes somebody money, so somebody else throws some shit around, then: pandemonium....

Bruce Pearl's Wife Rushes To His Defense With Ill-Advised Crucifixion Comparison
Bruce Pearl received an 8-game suspension for recruiting violations that he admitted to. To Brandy Pearl, that makes him just like Jesus....

How To Make Your Own Four Loko
The FDA is going to ban caffeinated malt liquor beverages very soon. Gone will be Joose and gone will be our precious, disgusting Four Loko. Luckily, you will be prepared for the 21st century prohibition with this helpful video....

Happy Veterans Day! Here Are Some Really Happy Dogs Welcoming Soldiers Home
Inspired by the smart folks at mental_floss, we've put together a little video in observance of Veterans Day: a compilation of excited dogs greeting their owners upon their return from basic training or service overseas....

Joe Morgan Is Done At ESPN
James Andrew Miller, co-author of this forthcoming book about ESPN, reports via Twitter that Joe Morgan and Jon Miller won't be returning to Sunday Night Baseball: "Morgan out @ ESPN; Miller out of TV; rest TBD." [@ESPNBook]...

NASCAR Was Entertaining, Bizarre Last Night
Fistfights on the track, drivers flipping officials off, flying car parts crashing into skyboxes, and monkeys. Not just another night at Texas Motor Speedway. Monkeys!...

This Is The Worst Start To A Newscast Ever (UPDATE: Video Back)
Something is definitely afoot in San Diego's 10 News Communication Center, or at least something was on this particular day. Problems behind, in front of, and around the camera materialize at a rapid clip, making for sweet, wonderful, YouTubeable failure. [@richarddeitsch]...

This Is What Should Happen Whenever You Play A Sports Video Game
We've all been there: Playing Bulls versus Blazers on SNES, Shasta'd out of your mind, Kevin Duckworth at the line. He misses. You lose. Wouldn't you like a chance to see Duckworth—the real Duckworth—atone?...

Bo Pelini Is Pissed In Both Senses Of The Word
Please cast your eyes to the crotch of Coach's pants, which appear to be running a spread offense of their own. [ESPN, H/T Bryan C.]...

The Taiwanese Animation Version Of The Brett Favre Scandal We've All Been Waiting For
Brett Favre's penis is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? There's nothing quite like Taiwanese news outlets animating stories to let you know what you're covering is news. And nothing quite like using "offensive tackle" as a euphemism. [NMA.tv]...

Watch This High School Quarterback Hurdle A Standing Defender (Update)
Watch in awe as Marky Thompkins of the East Liverpool (Ohio) Potters shows off his ridiculous athleticism by jumping clear over a defender to get into the end zone. H/T Nic....

100-Foot Super Mario Game Plays Out In MLS Stands
Supporters of the Chicago Fire put together this impressive tifo (basically the soccer equivalent of those North Korean card stunts) over the weekend featuring Mario, a Koopa Troopa, and one on-target fireball....

How To Hack ESPN Fantasy Football To Get Any Player You Want (Update: Fixed)
ESPN's is the second most popular fantasy football site, with more than 6 million users. So it's a huge problem that a gaping flaw exists, allowing you to change the rosters of any team in just minutes. Here's how to do it....

Let’s Welcome Special Guest Bill Conlin As He Helps Me Criticize Bill Conlin
Junior: Ladies and gentlemen, this is a Fire Joe Morgan first....

Naked Photo Of Someone Who's Probably Not Nick Saban's Daughter Is About To Go Viral
It started off with an email from a man named David: "Any interest in Nick Saban's daughter, who is a sophomore at Alabama, topless?" And then some other dude sent us the pic rapidly circulating around SEC cell phones. (NSFW)...

Your Patronizingly Edited WNBA Finals Highlights, Game 1
The NBA's lady auxiliary sneaked in Game 1 of its Finals on Sunday so we decided to collect some of the "best" "moments" from the "game" and set them to a "classic" Herb Alpert tune. "Enjoy."...

Leave A Nice Note In The Deadspin Birthday Card
Head over to the new hashtag #deadspinbirthdaycard to share your thoughts/memories/whatever about Deadspin's five years on this planet....

Watch And Hear Aaron Cook Fracture His Fibula
Joey Votto broke Colorado Rockies pitcher Aaron Cook's fibula last night on a hard liner and it's really something to hear. Again and again. And again and again and again. [HardballTalk, video via MLB.com]...