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The Justice Department Is Investigating How The FBI Fucked Up Its Larry Nassar Investigation
The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday that the U.S. Department of Justice is conducting a probe into how the FBI mismanaged its investigation into sexual abuse allegations made against former Michigan State and USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar. Thiis comes after the FBI conducted its own inte...
The Athletic Fails To Raid The <i>Washington Post</i> Sports Desk
The Athletic, the venture capital-backed digital sports media venture that’s plundering sportswriters from news organizations all over the country and has said it wants to brutally kill newspapers, finally announced on Monday that it is turning its gaze to Washington, D.C. The company’s voracious r...
This Children's Book Is Messed Up: <i>The Story Of Babar</i>
The Babar I remember from childhood was a jolly elephant who goes on adventures. Somehow that’s all I took with me into adulthood from early readings of The Story of Babar by Jean de Brunhoff (and his wife Cécile, who first told their children the story at bedtime), a children’s classic that spurred...
How I Became A Wizard, By Dwight Howard, Age 7
Last year, the Washington Wizards underperformed both out of sheer ingrained habit and because some of the most important people on the team just absolutely fucking hated some of the other most important people on the team. On Monday, the team introduced Dwight Howard, the veteran big man that the t...
Report: Maryland Hit With Two Subpoenas Over FBI Investigation Into College Basketball
Maryland has responded to a pair of subpoenas issued by a New York grand jury in relation to the FBI’s ongoing investigation of college basketball recruiting. The Terrapins announced the information to the Associated Press and Yahoo Sports, among other media outlets, on Friday, offering the followin...
Jay Bruce Apparently Celebrated Being Traded Away From The Mets By Conceiving A Child<em></em>
The New York Mets, a team that began the season 11-1, lost their ninth game of their last 11 in Philadelphia on Sunday afternoon. Ace Noah Syndergaard, who was scheduled to start Saturday’s rained-out game against the Phillies, was skipped for reasons vague enough to be weird. Less-hairy co-ace Jaco...
Down With Decorative Pillows!
Hello and welcome to the Funbag! The last time I filled in for Drew, I took over the sex and fantasy football mailbag that he started for Kissing Suzy Kolber, a poorly named blog of a bygone era. I am presently unemployed, so if Drew turns up dead and I’m writing this column again next week, I didn’...
Brandon Williams, Who Recently De-Committed From Arizona, Commits To Arizona
Top high school player Brandon Williams de-committed from Arizona back in early March, citing the “current climate surrounding U of A” in the wake of ESPN’s report of Wildcats coach Sean Miller being caught via FBI wiretap offering money to then-recruit DeAndre Ayton. The climate must’ve changed, be...
Kansas And NC State Are Now Caught Up In The FBI's College Basketball Investigation
A new indictment announced today in the FBI’s college basketball bribery investigation adds both Kansas and North Carolina State to the mix of involved schools that already included programs like Louisville, Miami, and Arizona....
"The Most Dangerous Man In College Basketball" Dodged FBI Charges By Pocketing Money Meant For Athletes<em></em>
Brad Augustine was described and profiled by Yahoo! Sports as “the most dangerous man in college basketball” just six months ago; now, that dangerous man is skating on any punishment for his alleged crimes....
This Is "This Is March": Unpacking College Basketball's Most Uncanny Twitter Account
Jon Rothstein is a real person. He was born in a town at the very outermost edge of what could be called exurban New York City and has covered sports for a living virtually from the moment he graduated from Ithaca College. Rothstein won a Dream Job contest at New York’s ESPN sports radio station, 10...
Judge Overseeing College Basketball Corruption Case Would Like Everyone To Stop The Dang Leaks
U.S. District Judge Edgardo Ramos has officially had it with the leaks coming out of the FBI’s ongoing pay-for-play case against various college basketball programs....
Look Into The Face Of March Madness's Cruelest Mascot
Last Friday evening, while covering the Big East Tournament, CBS Sports reporter Matt Norlander tweeted an image of the Providence Friars mascot looming creepily on the block at Madison Square Garden. It was an innocuous tweet, in its way, but also it was not....
This Is How To Pay College Athletes<em></em>
For all that the ongoing FBI investigation into college basketball’s underground economy has and could yet reveal, nothing is more obvious and undeniable than this: The on-stage performers in a multimillion-dollar entertainment industry do, in fact, have value beyond athletic scholarships and small ...
Is There A Good Reason To Doubt ESPN's Sean Miller Report?
Last Friday, ESPN published a big piece by Mark Schlabach that revealed the FBI had recorded phone conversations between Arizona head coach Sean Miller and sports agency runner Christian Dawkins in which they devised a pay-for-play scheme....
Report: Former Bears Great Charles Tillman Joined Up With The Man
I remember Charles Tillman as a fun player with a preternatural gift for causing turnovers, and though I have never been a Bears fan, I remember rooting for him personally out of appreciation for his mastery of the forced fumble and the defensive touchdown. Those were happy times, and like virtually...
Report: Larry Nassar Molested At Least 40 Women After FBI Became Aware Of Abuse Allegations
The New York Times published a report this weekend that lays out a timeline of the FBI’s investigation into Larry Nassar, who has been sentenced to 40 to 175 years in prison for 10 counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct. According to the Times, Nassar was able to continue working and abusing...
South Carolina Admits Former Louisville Recruit Brian Bowen, Who Will Try To Play Next Year
Former Louisville commit Brian Bowen, whose alleged bribery-aided recruitment was at the center of the FBI investigation that cost Rick Pitino his job, has been admitted to South Carolina, where he’ll try to play if the NCAA decides to reinstate him....
Louisville Countersues Rick Pitino, Seeks Money Lost From NCAA Violations
The clusterfuck of Rick Pitino getting fired by Louisville amid an FBI corruption investigation is only getting more complicated. While Pitino has active suits open against his former school for wrongful termination and Adidas for intentional infliction of emotional distress, Louisville has now coun...
Fearing NCAA Penalties, Louisville Permanently Benches Brian Bowen
After several weeks of no-comments, deflections, and avowals that they were Focusing On The Upcoming Season, Louisville announced Wednesday that five-star forward Brian Bowen will not be allowed to practice or play for the Cardinals this year. The standout freshman will remain on scholarship, and Lo...