fin Page 80 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
A Thorough And Informative 2019 NBA Finals Preview For Basketball Idiots
Hello, casual basketball viewer! At long last, the NBA Finals are here, and you know what that means: It’s time once again for you to crib a pitiful smattering of hoops knowledge from this extremely half-assed blog and carry it forth to the sports bar like the torch that lights your path....
Hear Me Out: Infinite-Field Baseball Games
A few weeks ago, I was reading this interview with architectural critic Paul Goldberger about baseball stadiums in America when I stumbled upon a reminder from Goldberger that doubles as a breathtaking conversation piece for stoners all across the land:...
Drake And The Raptors Both Got A Talking-To From The NBA
The Toronto Raptors will host Game 1 of the NBA Finals tonight, and there’s no doubt Drake will be sitting on the sideline. He’s behaved like an unruly dingus courtside in Toronto, blurring the lines between participant and bystander in ways that would make Spike Lee blush. Bucks coach Mike Budenhol...
Vladimir Tarasenko Nearly Ripped Himself In Half Scoring This Goal
Carl Gunnarsson’s rocket of a winner for St. Louis in Game 2 last night understandably gets all the love and applause this morning —it gave the Blues their first-ever Stanley Cup Final win and sent them back home with hope instead of despair. But back in the first period, long before Gunnarsson’s go...
Carl Gunnarsson's Pissing Prediction Led To A Boston Pee Party
“Tonight it was hard, so I’m happy about that,” Oskar Sundqvist said, and he was talking about a shot, thank goodness. Specifically, teammate Carl Gunnarsson’s OT goal to give the Blues a 3-2 win and knot up the Stanley Cup Final at a game apiece....
Is This Abandoned Beer Or Fresh Piss?
ESPN hockey analyst Greg Wyshynski was on-hand for St. Louis’s stirring 3–2 overtime win over the dreaded Bruins in Game 2 of the Stanley Cup Final Wednesday night. Afterward, Wyshynski shot the following Blair Witch-style blurry video of two completely full cups of what he described as beer, tucked...
Carl Gunnarsson's Blue-Line Blast Gives The Blues Their First-Ever Stanley Cup Final Win
Folks, we got a series! After getting absolutely trounced in the final 39 minutes of Game 1, the St. Louis Blues showed that this Stanley Cup Final would not be a repeat of 1970. Rather than allow themselves to get steamrolled by the Bruins in Game 2, the Blues held their ground and beat Boston in o...
Kaapo Kakko Is A Good Teen Who's Too Busy Partying To Go To The NHL Combine
The World Championships were a coming-out party for Kaapo Kakko, who spent the last year tearing up Finland’s top pro league, before proving on an international stage that he can do more than just hang with the world’s best. The 18-year-old winger lit up Worlds for six goals in 10 games as Finland t...
Even If The Warriors Win, Oakland Loses
This is the real NBA Finals, the one that transcends Larry O’Brien, Kevin Durant, Kawhi Leonard, Doris Burke, Woj, Adam Silver, dynasties, the next Why-The-Lakers-Are-On-Fire tell-all, the works. This is Oakland’s last stand with the team it raised from a pup, its last healthy bite of an apple that ...
What Can The Raptors Possibly Do To Make People Believe The Lie?
The Raptors took down the Bucks on Saturday, 100-94, to clinch an NBA Finals berth for the first time in franchise history. With that series victory, Toronto seemingly vanquished the infamous Drake curse, exorcised the demons of past postseason failures and even vindicated Kawhi Leonard’s place as ...
Drake Cuts Sweaty Promo About How Raptors Fans Are Really Good At Following The Rules
The Raptors beat the Milwaukee Bucks in Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals last night, and Drake, the Raptors’ rowdy uncle/human mascot, was not in the building. He was back home in Toronto, watching the game with thousands of Raptors fans in an outdoor square. He was so excited after the win t...
Kevin Durant Probably Won't Be Ready For Start Of NBA Finals, Will Have Time To Continue Posting
Here’s some news that, perhaps perversely, should increase interest in the upcoming NBA Finals:...
Lyon Trounce Barcelona To Win Fourth Consecutive Women's Champions League Title
Lyon cruised through the Women’s Champions League final and defeated Barcelona 4-1 to win the club’s fourth consecutive UCL title. After scoring four goals in 30 minutes—which included a 17-minute hat-trick from Ada Hegerberg—Lyon were able to sit back, relax and enjoy the remaining hour of game tim...
Kaapo Kakko Looks Like A Beautiful, Unstoppable Monster
The projected second pick in the upcoming NHL Draft has been nothing short of dazzling for his native Finland during the ongoing IIHF World Championships in Slovakia. Kaapo Kakko, the 18-year-old winger who broke the Finnish league’s record for most goals by a first-time draft-eligible player, has b...
Manchester City Face Champions League Ban For Breaking UEFA's Dumb Rules
Things are moving quickly against Manchester City. After a report earlier this week that the back-to-back Premier League champions could face a ban from the Champions League, the New York Times reports that a ruling is imminent. All of this because Manchester City, the poster boys for the current fi...
Texas A&M Hurdler Wins SEC Title With A Daring Diving Finish
Texas A&M hurdler Infinite Tucker was losing his grip on the lead of the 400-meter hurdles at the 2019 SEC Track & Field Championships. As he and the rest of his competitors finished the final two hurdles, Tucker and his teammate, Robert Grant, separated themselves from the rest of the pack. In orde...
Bolton Wanderers' Ownership Disaster Is Now Affecting Actual Games
When last we checked in on Bolton Wanderers, the storied English soccer club was on the verge of ruin after years of mismanagement and ownership incompetence. Not much has changed since: while the nearly bankrupt club has found a potential new owner willing to buy the team, the deal still has yet to...
Pay-To-Play Is The Stadium Grift That Keeps On Giving
Sometime in the next few days, Indiana Gov. Eric Holcomb—aka the guy who took Mike Pence’s job when Pence ascended to the Old Executive Office Building—is expected to sign a bill extending the Indiana Pacers’ lease in Indianapolis through 2044. In exchange for agreeing to have his team play where it...
Let's Catch Up On The State Of The Marvel Cinematic Universe In Time For <i>Avengers: Endgame</i>
Hello friends! As you’re well aware by now, Avengers: Endgame opens in theaters this weekend, finally bringing to a—uh, well, not a close or a conclusion, but uh like some kind of large-scale branding transition for Disney and its Marvel Studios subsidiary, where they will arbitrarily plant a flag a...
Bucks Take Pistons' Best Punch, Then Coolly Dropkick Them Into A Toilet
The Pistons got off to a very good start Monday night, at home, in Game 4 of their playoff series against Central division foe Milwaukee. Blake Griffin was lively; Reggie Jackson poured in 20 first-half points; the Pistons all but played Brook Lopez and Khris Middleton off the court. It was about as...