fjm - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

This Andy Benoit Take About Russell Wilson Is So Fucking Stupid I Want To DieYou might remember Sports Illustrated’s resident tape-eater Andy Benoit from the time he proudly listed 15 backup stiffs better than Colin Kaepernick (and unironically included the likes of Brock Osweiler), or the time he said the Browns weren’t a joke because he watched the film on them, or the tim...

Humorless Dickhole Business Writer Very Upset About March Madness Pools<em></em>As much as we here at Deadspin like to poke fun at sportswriters and political hot-take artists, the truth is that business journalists may be the lowliest scum of all. We’re all horrified by Darren Rovell, and yet there’s only ONE of him in sports. Really, that man is just a business reporter in sp...

Ken Tremendous is back, and he has fisked an impenetrable Bill Plaschke column. [Tumblr]...

Oklahoma State Student Paper Demands CMU Give Back Hail-And-Lateral Victory

The editorial staff of Oklahoma State’s student newspaper, The O’Colly, is NOT happy about Central Michigan’s Hail Mary Lateral play this past Saturday, which was one of the greatest college football plays of all time but which also technically shouldn’t have been allowed by officials....

Braying Shitheel Mike Lupica Pens Worst Possible Column About Kevin Durant

It’s the question on America’s mind: After Kevin Durant abandoned Oklahoma City to join forces with the Golden State Warriors and their garbage fans, who would blurt out the shittiest, most predictably obnoxious, pseudo-macho take possible? Would it be Stephen A. Smith, who previously threatened Dur...

Bill Simmons Introduces Himself to HBO Viewers With Worst <i>Bull Durham</i> Speech Ever

A year after his rude ouster from ESPN, you’re about to get a whole shitload of Bill Simmons back in your life, both at The Ringer (set to formally debut next month, although they’re already pumping out vital “Is Tom Hiddleston A Superstar?” takes on Facebook) and with his new HBO show, Any Given We...

ESPN's Insane Adam LaRoche Puff Piece Features LaRoche Liberating Sex Slaves

ESPN’s Tim Keown did a deep dive on former White Sox 1B/DH Adam LaRoche today, the kind of purple-hued schlongread that purports to tell you the REAL STORY of LaRoche’s decision to walk away from baseball after White Sox boss Ken Williams asked him to stop bringing his son to the ballpark every day....

The Ballghazi Takes Are Here, And They Are Fucking Insane

You knew they were coming, America. The second the Patriots got busted for doctoring footballs, you knew the TAKENAMI would rush in. And VERILY IT HAS COME TO PASS. Oh, people. Oh, this is my Christmas. These takes are so pure in their stridency, so firm in their conviction that ROGER GOODELL M...