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In The Face Of Breaking Wind, You've Just Got To Soldier On
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The Number 30 Is Worth A House
The sale of jersey numbers is a time-honored tradition in sports. A team will sign or trade for a star free-agent, and some other scrub on the roster is already wearing the number that said star has worn his entire career ... and the star will pay the scrub tens of thousands of dollars for his numbe...

If There Is No Poontang For Plax, Then Plax Is Leaving
According to the New York Post's Page Six, Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress had a difficult time breaking through the coverage last night....

Bengal Arrested ... Blah Blah Blah
I would've gotten to this sooner, but I thought it was probably a good idea to wait a few hours, see if any other Bengals got arrested, and then combine them into one post. Alas, they put together an unprecedented 12-hour streak of good behavior....

Leonard Davis Gives A Damn About Your Horse
It's the biggest time of the year in horse racing, and you know what that means: total disregard for the health of animals while the rest of us drink bourbon and gamble. But not for Cowboys offensive lineman Leonard Davis. Davis is an equine hero....

We Will Cherish Him, And Keep Him Warm
You might remember, from a couple months ago, that famous eBay auction in which we discovered that Barbaro lives on forever through snack food. To remind, from the seller:...

They Just Don't Make Mennonites The Way They Used To
So, yeah, this Floyd Landis business. Heavens....

Tony Blair Prepares To Subject Eli Manning To Relentless Heckling
When we first heard that the NFL would stage a regular season game in London, we could hardly contain our glee. Are you kidding? The world's finest on-field violence, coupled with the world's premeire hooliganism? It's the perfect storm. European fans evidently agree, as 40,000 tickets for the game ...

That's Not How Personal Training Typically Works
The Arena Football League is full of happy success stories. Kurt Warner. That weird video game that's oddly fun to play. Jon Bon Jovi. And now, to add to the list, the high school coaching adventures of Tom Porras, a former AFL quarterback. He was fired last week as track coach (and "personal traine...

Brady Quinn, Always With The Hetero Photos
Last March, Packers linebacker A.J. Hawk married Laura Quinn, whom you might remember as the double-jerseyed sister of new Browns quarterback Brady Quinn....

If You Have Video Of Michael Vick Watching Dogs Killing Each Other, Please Let Us Know
In another one of their "big" EXCLUSIVES, Yahoo! Sports claims there might possibly maybe who-knows? could be a video of Ron Mexico involved in dog fighting. The story isn't much of a smoking gun, but it keeps the ball rolling, and it allows for fun Photoshops like above....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while playing with your Keith Richards action figure ... • NBA: And just for the hell of it, you get a technical for reading this. Jazz 100, Warriors 87. • MLB: Randy Johnson pitches six gem-like innings, is then placed back into the plastic container to prevent spoilage. Diamondback...

Eric Mangini Will Look For Help From Men In Tights
For all the talk that Bill Belichick is a genius — genius with your WIFE! — it's his former assistant Eric Mangini, with the Jets, who's making the real "Look at me, I'm a mad scientist!" moves. Witness the Jets' rookie minicamp, to which Mangini invited two potential Olympic wrestlers. This even th...

There Are Now No Gay Lacrosse Coaches (That We Know Of)
Kyle Hawkins coached the Unversity of Missouri men's lacrosse team for nine seasons, but only this past season was it known that he is gay. And now — surprise! — he's been fired....

Send In The Clowns
We have always been amused by lacrosse, which is America's oldest sport and tends to put us in the mind of butterfly collecting. It is also the only sanctioned activity in which it is legal to poke your opponent repeatedly with a stick. But we also knew that the pro version was missing one key ingre...

Taint Sweat Sold Separately
Say what you will about the intensity of Bears fans, but some bits of memorabilia are out of the range of reasonable and rational thought, even to them....

The Edge Of Wetness
The other day we reported on the glory that is Pee Your Pants For The Brewers, the site that wants you to pledge to pee your pants should Milwaukee win the NL Central (no fair buying pre-peed pants). In less than a week, an additional 1,644 people have vowed to wet themselves should the Brewers do t...

Tedy Bruschi's Going To Want To Try This Out Now
You know, a lot of people express concern about our nation's youth. But I say, when you've got a 13-year-old boy, smiling so broadly in front of a football star that he just tricked into throwing up the shocker ... I think the future's in good hands....

Michael Vick, Somehow, With Even Less Credibility
The hole that Michael Vick is in keeps getting bigger and bigger, like an infected puncture wound on the muscular neck of a not-quite-ferocious enough pitbull....

Don't Forget To Call Your Pulling Guard Tomorrow
Speaking at the Wisconsin Republican Party convention, Senator Sam Brownback thought he'd use a football analogy to stress the importance of rebuilding families. What he failed to realize, though, is that in Wisconsin, family is not important. Brett Favre is important....