fl Page 1231 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Playoff Pants Party: Panthers Vs. Giants
We think Tom Coughlin freaks us out a little bit. In our nightmares, when we've done something vaguely wrong that we don't understand but know that it was terrible, Coughlin's the type of guy who shows up in our dreams, screaming at us, like the drill sergeant gym teacher in "Beavis & Butthead." ...
Playoff Pants Party: Jaguars Vs. Patriots
This is the late game tomorrow night, which means, if you plan your day correctly, you should be properly hammered enough by halftime to confuse that dude in the corner with some ex-girlfriend who did you wrong. (Or, for female and non-traditional male readers, uh ... OK, we're not sure what the ...
Coach Janky Spanky: Cliffs Notes Version
We know this has already been covered here, but, honestly, we're still so blown away by Clinton Portis' performance as "Coach Janky Spanky" yesterday that we feel obliged to point out the highlights for those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching it yet. Here's a cheat sheet....
Playoff Pants Party: Redskins Vs. Buccaneers
The NFL playoffs start this weekend, and we can't wait. We'll be previewing all four games throughout the day today....
New Vikings Coach Sporting Rare Mustache/Baldness Combo
Today, the Minnesota Vikings will announce that Eagles offensive coordinator Brad Childress will be their new coach, or, if you can't resist making the same joke everybody else is making this morning, captain of their ship. Childress has been with the Eagles for seven years, and, having seen Requi...
Portis Becoming Subtle Character Actor
We've witnessed the newest Clinton Portis character, and we have to say, even though the costume leaves much to be desired, it might be our favorite one yet....
Hey, Saints, We Put Together A Little Dance For You
We don't want to imply that you should have another reason to root for the Redskins this weekend other than Clinton Portis' weekly exploits, but in case you need one, try this: Last week, in the Bucs' win over the Saints, the Raymond James Stadium loudspeakers played The Scorpions' "Rock Me Like A...
The Tragic Muzzling Of Chad Johnson
Well, it's the week before the Cincinnati Bengals' first playoff game in 15 years, and they're hosting it, against the hated division rival Pittsburgh Steelers. Man, oh, man, wide receiver Chad Johnson must be going crazy, right? What's he gonna do? Score a touchdown and smelt some ore? Strap on B...
Clinton Portis' Supermarket Sweep
Ever wonder what Clinton Portis might do if given $10,000 to spend in a Best Buy in the span of half an hour? Jeez, who hasn't?...
Culpepper: Lap Dances? Who, Me?
We don't want to overstate — and it probably won't happen, anyway — but if Vikings sex boat gods Daunte Culpepper and Bryant McKinnie get their way, we might be in for the real trial of the century....
Some 1 A.M. Bowl Goodness
We're never reminded more of just how old we're getting than when we watch college freshmen play sports. Penn State kicker Kevin Kelly, we swear, has to be lying on his birth certificate; there's no way he's older than 12. The poor kid finally erased the chances he'd be a Buckner-type goat by fina...
A Match Made In ... Well, In Detroit
We were marvelling this morning at the potential news: Matt Millen and the Detroit Lions are bringing in former Saints coach Jim Haslett for a job interview. We don't necessarily think that hiring Haslett would bring the Fire Millen crowd much closer to dragging the guy out of his house and having...
Orange Bowl: A Contrast In Coaches
Everyone's making a huge deal about the coaching legends Joe Paterno and Bobby Bowden facing off in the Orange Bowl tonight. They're the two winningest coaches in Division I-A history, and they're both still going strong. It's nice when old people do well....
Ma Sweets Will Punch You In The Mouth
What kind of woman would raise a man who would wear a costume like this? What kind of woman could raise such a spawn?...
Saying Goodbye To Tice (And Others)
The grand tradition of the day after the NFL season came through in full force this year: Six NFL coaches were relieved from their duties on "Black Monday." One of them, Dick Vermeil — who is about to be played by Greg Kinnear in a new movie — retired, but everyone else went down like a sack of so...
Southeast Jerome In Heaven With Friends
OK, so as we showed you yesterday, Clinton Portis brought along some pals for his press conference yesterday. The conceit was that Southeast Jerome — who had been previously considered "lost" — had died and made it to heaven with all his friends. They included:...
Clinton Portis And His New Friends
We'll get into this more tomorrow ... but if you go to Redskins.com right now, you'll see that our man Clinton Portis has, uh, brought a few friends along for his weekly psychological exploration....
FSU Linebacker Accused Of Rape
Florida State linebacker A.J. Nicholson — linebacker prospect "No. 5B" on Mel Kiper's draft ratings — has been accused of rape. According to the Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinal, Nicholson is accused of raping a "19-year-old acquaintence" at a Broward hotel. He has been suspended by coach Bobby Bowden ...
Dungy Returns To Coach Colts
The Indianapolis Star reports that Tony Dungy has returned to the Colts and will be on the sidelines for Sunday's game against the Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals. He is scheduled to conduct this afternoon's practice session. He has been away from his team for exactly a week and spoke at his...
The Sad, Sorry Last Days Of Brett Favre
We probably should have seen this coming: Now that it's pretty much obvious to everyone on the planet that Packers quarterback Brett Favre should retire before he shows up in a Buzzsaw That Is The Arizona Cardinals jersey, Emmitt Smith-style, Favre is going on one of his typical passive-aggressive...