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Utica Greens Are The Dopest Meal You Can Make With "Greens" In The Name
We do this thing in my house where we arbitrarily shoehorn green things into the family diet, generally in quantities insufficient for any real nutritional purpose. Most often, this takes the form of a small bowl of sad lettuce splashed with cheap balsamic and presented as some sort of pre-dinner ha...

Casual Dining Restaurants, Ranked
A couple days back, Complex published an interview with Allen Iverson, which you should most definitely read, if you want. In it, there were lots of good tidbits, but perhaps the primo tidbit came when Iverson swore his allegiance to T.G.I. Friday’s, which is something (erroneously!) attributed to h...

Burger King's Hot Dogs Are A Tasteful Middle Finger To Uppity Fast Food
Hey, bud, want a burrito? For real. I appreciate you: For the way you talk, the way you walk, the way you’re statistically unlikely to be the shrieky dude who lives upstairs. But mostly for the way you click. Damn, you click so good. So I would like to give you a burrito. Or more specifically, I wou...

Fast-Food Smackdown: Burger King's Jalapeño Chicken Fries Vs. Taco Bell's Quesalupa
Life, being pain, will sometimes trap even the most careful fast-foodie in the burgerless hellscape of a bullshit “real” restaurant that offers six total options: beef, chicken, this kind of fish, that kind of fish, some mushroom-pasta thing, and a wild card that is probably duck or beans. The meat-...

Garbage Beef Tastes Like The Great Depression Probably Felt
The Woe of Cooking is an ongoing fiasco where Jesse Farrar unearths the weirdest, grossest recipes he can find in The Joy of Cooking, and cooks/eats them. It has been awhile; we missed you....

What Are You Cooking For The Super Bowl?
As much as we recommend it, we know that not everyone will be making a pepperoni cheese loaf monstrosity. For one, ingesting that much dairy can only be a recipe for disaster. ...

How To Make A Pepperoni Cheese Football, And Two Other Super Bowl Party Delights
Whether you’re hosting or going to a Super Bowl party, you’re going to need food. Instead of mailing it in with a bag of tortilla chips, impress your friends by making one of these three no-cook meat dishes. We followed the recipes and tried our results, then sent the bologna cake back to hell, wher...

12 Root Beers, Ranked
Any of you happy bastards still clinging to the Sober January charade? Me neither, thank goodness, but I do always try to dial the booze back a bit during the darkest stretch of winter. I figure it’s impossible to truly enjoy life during this accursed half-season, so why sully liquor’s good name by ...

A Divorced Dad’s Budget Guide To Mealplanning
I’m a child of a broken home. Before they split, my broke-ass parents had a couple nickels to rub together; afterward, a lonesome nickel did little to fill up the pantry in my dad’s house, and he had just enough ignorant confidence in the kitchen to get himself into trouble. The dishes he created we...

"Baked Sausage Meat Ring" Is Much Better Than It Sounds (Or Looks)
The Woe of Cooking is an ongoing fiasco where the guy who does the Beer Idiot unearths the weirdest, grossest recipes he can find in The Joy of Cooking, and cooks/eats them. It has been awhile; we missed you. ...

How To Make Apple-Habanero Hot Sauce
Everyone knows fall is the best time of year, because it’s the peak season for sports, weather, and Muppets. That much is settled science. But did you know that autumn is also the sweetest spot on the Homemade Hot Sauce calendar? If you can manage to look past all the squash, kale, and hippies at yo...

Burger King's Halloween Whopper Plays Trick-Or-Treat With Your Tongue, Butt
By now you’ve surely heard that ingestion of Burger King’s new Halloween Whopper could lead to a curious and colorful gastrointestinal endgame. I have nothing to add to this lively public discussion, toilet-wise, other than to suggest that if you are either excited or repulsed by this development, y...

UConn's Bacon Jalapeño Mac And Cheese: A Sober Student's Review
This week, we met a drunken (and possibly former!) University of Connecticut student named Luke Gatti whose hunger for the bacon jalapeño mac and cheese served by the school’s Union Street Market was so great that he got himself arrested (and publicly humiliated) trying to get some. Was this foodstu...
![Good News, Siberians: Now You May Have A Happy Meal [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/1402969664089828522.png)
Good News, Siberians: Now You May Have A Happy Meal [Update]
Editor’s Note: As several keen-eyed readers have pointed out, the Siberian Times source article for this post is from 2013. D’oh. Still a pretty funny image....

Drunk Meals 101: What To Cook When You're Totally Obliterated
Before plying myself with gross quantities of beer or liquor (or both), I like to ensure I’ve lined my belly with sufficient quantities of foodstuff. I’m not sure if it’s true—I got a D- in high school biology, and therefore lack even the most fundamental understanding of metabolic function—but if l...

How To Make Perlo, The Deep South's Best Take On Chicken And Rice
Here’s the thing about South Carolina: if you drive far enough inland from the ocean, you will run out of fingers on which to count highway billboards threatening you with ultimatums like “Accept Jesus Or Burn In Hell.” Not a whole lot to recommend the place once you get out of earshot of the surf....

How To Cook A Brisket, Which Is Totally Worth The Effort, I Swear
Just once in your life, cook a brisket, over smoky charcoal heat, on the grill. Do it for the solemn pride of having done so, and for the rime of authority it will lend to your future haughty pronouncements on the quality of others’ briskets. Do it because brisket—a massive cut of tough working musc...

The Perfect Grilled Hot Dog
If you’ve ever been in the meat aisle of the grocery store getting ready for a party and trying to figure out how much chuck you need to make burgers, but then decided, “Nah, this is too hard, we’ll just do hot dogs,” then this post is for you. Grilling hot dogs is an American pastime for everyone, ...

Put Peas In Your Guacamole If You Want To
Once upon a time, sure as you are born, some dingus was all, “Onions?!?! In your guacamole?!?! You motherfuckers!”...

Man Grilling Guinea Pig In Prospect Park Is A Hero
On Saturday morning, an emergency call about squirrel abuse sent police to Brooklyn’s Prospect Park. When the officers arrived, they found not the brutal torture of a park squirrel, but what you see above: a happy Ecuadorean man, toasting a guinea pig on a wooden pole beneath sun and sky, free and b...