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Watch These Non-Ohioans Try To Eat Gross-Ass Cincinnati Chili
Here's twelve non-Ohioans (West-Coasters, specifically) trying to choke down some signature Ohio foods. There's a pretty broad selection of foods, here—Glier's goetta and so forth—but the centerpiece is the Skyline 3-way; they start eating it around 2:10 in the video. Spoiler alert: They think i...

What In The Damn Hell, Paula Deen
Above, via Eater, is a recent advertisement for Paula Deen's Lady & Sons restaurant. It features a black employee of Deen's restaurant, whose job, in our estimation, is to pretend to be a slave. This is her job because Paula Deen wants to sell food to people who will take pleasure from playacting ...

My Friends, It Is Time To Send Brooklyn Beneath The Waves
One of the challenges of writing about things on the internet is having the discipline to contain yourself, for the sake of being able to call an item of work finished instead of knitting it into some mammoth all-encompassing rant about, like, American culture or capitalism or the human condition or...

Bill Murray Reminisces About Slingin' Little Caesars Pizza
Itinerant viral-video elf Bill Murray appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live! last night and talked about making pizzas at Little Caesars earlier in life, "back when Little Caesars was really great." (So, like, presumably before they attempted to turn "our pizzas are old!" into a marketing angle.) He w...

Jesus Christ Ditches His Wife At An Oklahoma Restaurant
A woman has been jailed on a charge of fraud after her husband, Jesus Christ, fooled her into ordering food she couldn't pay for at a restaurant....

Reviewer Jump-Kicks Macho Steakhouse's Dick And Balls Into The Sun
Beast is a self-consciously primal London steak-and-crab restaurant, all ludicrously oversized tables and steaks and crab legs and prices, presented gravely as though in mourning of the fallen at Helm's Deep; a display of such over-the-top machismo that even Vladimir Putin rolls his eyes at it when ...

How To Make Fried Mozzarella, Instead Of Getting It At A Crummy Bar
It's a perverse testament to fried mozzarella's greatness that even in its shittiest incarnations, even when it's just battered and deep-fried sticks of rubbery Polly-O string cheese prepared and served at your local dire corporate chain eatery with all the care and enthusiasm of a wino tumbling d...

Chugging Is Dumb
We need to talk about your drinking. To have an intervention, of sorts....

All Pumpkin Everything: How Did Fall Turn Into Nutmeg Season?
The list of pumpkin-spiced items to which we are seasonally exposed grows longer every year: Since Starbucks opened the floodgates with the Pumpkin Spice Latte in 2003, we've been enticed, repulsed, and confused by similarly flavored vodka, bagels, yogurt, donuts, oatmeal, M&Ms, etc. And yes, this...

Damn, Millennials, Pizza Hut Thinks You're Super Boring
Much of the content of this Washington Post report on the diverging fortunes of delivery pizza giants Domino's and Pizza Hut—the former is thriving, the latter not s'much—passes harmlessly overhead, as remote and incomprehensible as solar wind washing harmlessly over the Earth's magnetic field. Dom...

NPR: Ebola Might Make Chocolate Expensive (While Killing Lots Of People)
Yeesh. Lotta scary Ebola news these days. Between the situation in Africa seemingly spiraling beyond anyone's control, a botched containment job at Texas Health Presbyterian Hospital, and exposed people breaking quarantine to go strolling around New Jersey, presumably barfing Ebola blood on school...

How To Braise A Big Chuck Roast, And Stave Off Scurvy, For Now
Living the life of a regular person—teetering indefinitely on the edge of total destitution, that is to say—you get familiar with the tension between the limits of your financial wherewithal and the ugh like totally selfish desire to not just eat pasta and plain rice and cereal all the time and get...

Burger King Sued Over Fed-Up Stabbin'-Ass Manager
Cold onion rings. A peeved customer. A murderous knife-wielding manager. I swear, if you've been to one Burger King, you've been to 'em all. Except you probably haven't been to any of them, since nobody goes to Burger King. Nobody, that is, but Robert Deyapp, who got beat up by a store empl...

How To Separate Beer Signal From Beer Noise
Excerpted from Eat More Better: How to Make Every Bite More Delicious, the new book by Dan Pashman of WNYC's The Sporkful podcast and the Cooking Channel's You're Eating It Wrong web series....

We Have A Halloween Cereal Problem
It's Halloween season, now, and if you've taken your keen consumer eye into certain participating supermarket chains, you may have noticed the (for a limited time only!) return of the familiar monster-themed General Mills cereals of yore: Count Chocula, Franken-Berry, and Boo-Berry....
![Redditor Asks How Much Pumpkin To Put In His Cincinnati Chi--[Gunshot]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/dka0ezc5hswz0gwx5bjw.png)
Redditor Asks How Much Pumpkin To Put In His Cincinnati Chi--[Gunshot]
Behold, the worst of all the things: a Redditor putting pumpkin in his diarrhea sludge! ...

You Like Bacon Because <em>They</em> Told You To
You are a North American, and probably a male, and so you like bacon. Bacon good, you say, making that Tim Allen caveman face: Me like bacon. Me not want to eat unbacon food. Bacon make food better. Me put bacon on burger, in chocolate, around scallop. Me brush teeth with bacon toothpaste. Me make l...

How To Make Roast Pork Tenderloin, The X-Rated Cut Of Meat
There's simply no way around it: The pork tenderloin is weird-lookin'. It's shaped—well, dammit, it's shaped like a big ol' penis. You unwrap it from the butcher paper and you step back and you go, damn, man, this pork tenderloin looks like a dong. Can I manipulate this giant dong? This seems ...

Whoa, Man, This Pork Tenderloin <em>Really</em> Looks Like A Dong
I mean, I'm basically taking tipster Robert's word for it that that really is a tenderloin and not some kind of super fucked-up sex practice. That is one dong-lookin'-ass tenderloin! ...