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Nick Mullens Kicked Ass And Then Cried And It Was Awesome
Perhaps it was giving too much credit to a pathetic Oakland Raiders squad to have thought that 49ers quarterback Nick Mullens, who started last night’s game despite never having taken a snap in regular-season NFL action, was going to have a hard time. But even though it came against a team as lifele...
![Raheem Mostert Leaves Game With Gut-Churning Arm Injury [Warning: Graphic]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/hlcbr2gmmmbfxw2c91yo.jpg)
Raheem Mostert Leaves Game With Gut-Churning Arm Injury [Warning: Graphic]
Raheem Mostert left Thursday night’s totally awful and pointless contest between the 49ers and Raiders in the third quarter, after he was tripped on an inside run, tried to brace his fall, and had his right forearm bend in several wrong directions. This video is extremely unpleasant:...

Hue Jackson: If Only The Browns Had Listened More To Hue Jackson
Hue Jackson finished his tenure as head coach of the Cleveland Browns with a record of three wins, 36 losses, and one tie. In hindsight, it’s remarkable that Jackson was given a second year in charge after starting the 2016 season 0–14 and finishing 1–15; it’s even more incredible that he was given ...

Maryland's Board Of Regents Chair Abruptly Resigns Following Board's Spectacular Fuck-Up
This development will not have the day-to-day importance to players on the University of Maryland football team as the firing of head coach DJ Durkin, but it is nonetheless another step in the right direction: James T. Brady, the chair of Maryland’s board of regents, has resigned, effective immediat...

Dr. Z's Lesser-Known Book Was One Of The Truest Things About Football Ever Written<em></em>
Longtime football writer Paul Zimmerman, better known as Dr. Z, died today at age 86, his former colleague Peter King announced. Zimmerman hadn’t written for years due to a series of strokes, but for a time he was one of the best football writers out there and worth remembering today. Here’s what I ...

Chris Simms Recalls The Time Vince Wilfork Busted Up His Genitals Real Good
Former NFL quarterback Chris Simms, who famously got his spleen exploded during a game, went on Mike Florio’s radio show today and shared the story of a different time in which he was grievously and spectacular injured by a big hit....

Jon Gruden: I Get A Ton Of Calls From Players Who Are "Dying To Come And Play Here"
The Thursday night game is Raiders-49ers, which, I’d rather die. But pregame, we get a sitdown interview with Jon Gruden (who you thought couldn’t nuke his roster any further after the trade deadline passed, but that didn’t take into account his chasing players into retirement), conducted by his “go...

After Eating Nothing But Pure Shit For Two Days, Maryland Dumps DJ Durkin
It took players walking out of a team meeting, the resignation of the school president, universal outrage, and public condemnations from the governor and the parents of a dead teenager, but finally Maryland has stumbled desperately into the decision they should’ve made months ago:...

Coach Who Always Looks Like A Pile Of Dirty Laundry Scolds Reporter For Slouching
Lions head coach Matt Patricia got testy with a reporter in today’s presser after being asked a question about how trading Golden Tate made the franchise better. The inquiry apparently didn’t bug him so much as the posture of the person asking it....

The Browns Are Being The Browns
Happy Halloween from Emergency Football Show Weekly! This week Dom and I discuss the Browns’ coaching changes, why morning NFL games are so great (Dom—and West Coasters—may disagree), Michael Dickson’s fourth-down run and Todd Gurley’s decision to go down before scoring a touchdown. Enjoy!...

Bills Fan Faces Stiff Punishment After Cops Pegged Him As Dildo-Thrower
Police were pretty hard on Florida man Michael Abdallah, 34, who was arrested for throwing a dildo on the field during the Patriots-Bills game on Monday. The cops reportedly used security camera footage and eyewitness accounts to grab Abdallah; then they squeezed him for $250 in cash or $1,000 in b...

Maryland Is Big-Time College Football
DJ Durkin is back. The Maryland head football coach, who in the very best-case scenario, was so incompetent at overseeing a program that he allowed it to turn into one so toxic and so physically dangerous to players that it killed one, but who was so competent at instilling a culture of “fear” that ...

You Can't Escape The Peterman
Gather round, if you dare, and enjoy this very scary story on Devil’s Night....

Whoa, Hey, Some Football Players Got Traded
The NFL stove is notoriously ice fucking cold throughout the regular season, but teams have been feisty over the last few days, and some big-name players have been traded for significant draft picks. The league trade deadline passed at 4:00 p.m. EDT today, and would you believe it, some more guys go...

The Booger Mobile Has Been Taken Down A Notch
For Monday Night Football games, analyst Booger McFarland is placed in a large contraption that strafes the field so he can get a view of the action that he could more or less get from a sideline camera. The Booger Mobile’s value to the TV viewer is debatable, but what’s clear is that it really aggr...

Report: Board Of Regents Forces Maryland President To Keep DJ Durkin As Coach
Maryland football coach and alleged tyrant DJ Durkin will return to the sidelines this weekend for the Terrapins’ game against Michigan State, as first reported by 24/7 Sports. The University System of Maryland Board of Regents reportedly recommended that the school retain Durkin and athletic direct...

Ass Team Of The Week: Eli Manning And The New York Giants Will Break You
The New York Giants have transformed into a tremendous keister this season, the size and proportions of which have been amply documented on this very website. If you’re a regular reader you already know what the deal is: Eli Manning is old and shitty now and the offensive line can’t protect him and ...

Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie Retires Rather Than Keep Playing For The Raiders<em></em>
Former Giants and Cardinals defensive back Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie has announced his retirement today. He doesn’t appear to have suffered a season-ending injury, so perhaps his midseason departure has to do with the wear and tear, physical and emotional, of playing for the 1-6 Oakland Raiders....

Ref Kicks Dildo At Bills Game
Bills fans tossing sex toys onto the field is a well-worn bit at this point, as evidenced by the fact that three separate dildos made their way onto the playing surface during last night’s game against the Patriots. It’s probably time for the dildo-tossers to get a new gag, but this one plays as lon...