football Page 303 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
This Fucking Fireman Ed Is Back, Again
Fireman Ed announced his “retirement” from, uhh, attending Jets games in a helmet and teaching Jets fans how to spell a one-syllable word back in 2012. He’s made appearances since then, but only do to heroic things like pass the torch to a younger generation of people who loudly spell a word at foot...
Michael Bidwill Still Thinks High School Pal Brett Kavanaugh Should Be Confirmed To The Supreme Court
Arizona Cardinals President Michael Bidwill directly mixed politics with football—maybe he wouldn’t think so, but that’s what he did—in July, when he used the team’s website to support Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, his old high school classmate at Georgetown Prep. Although Kavanaugh, who is...
Cops Will Try To Halt The Tailgating Bills Fans' War Against Tables
The Buffalo Bills will play their first home game of the season this Sunday against the Chargers. (The last time those two teams played, Nathan Peterman threw five picks in a half.) Hordes of Zubaz-clad Bills fans will presumably mark the home opener as is tradition: by getting mega drunk and tryin...
Geno Atkins Wrecked The Ravens
The clip above shows Bengals defensive tackle Geno Atkins chasing down a quarterback for a sack in the open field. So what if Ravens QB Joe Flacco isn’t all that fleet of foot? Atkins weighs 300 pounds. Like a bowling ball rolling downhill, he quickly covered a lot of ground to make that play. It ha...
Mike Vrabel Doesn't Have A Quarterback So He'll Play Two Quarterbacks
Titans coach Mike Vrabel is one week into his NFL head coaching career, and so far his contributions to the franchise have consisted of an obnoxious pregame workout routine and getting beat by the Dolphins. But he’s got a new wrinkle for Week 2: two quarterbacks at the same time....
Jerry Jones The Owner Might Want To Have A Word With Jerry Jones The GM
The hot new trend for NFL teams looking to establish and sustain success is to construct a deep roster around a young quarterback on a cost-controlled contract. The Eagles won last year’s Super Bowl doing this. The Rams, Bears, Chiefs, Buccaneers, and Titans are using the same blueprint this season....
Wisconsin's Quintez Cephus Will Stand Trial For Sexual Assault While Teammate Returns To The Field
Wisconsin wide receiver Quintez Cephus will stand trial for sexual assault while teammate and roommate Danny Davis will not face any charges. The charges stemmed from a criminal complaint filed in late August that stated Cephus sexually assaulted two women as Davis took photos....
Roger Goodell Is Trying His Best To Appear Woke
Kaepernick collusion case be damned, Roger Goodell is trying his best to be the corporate face of social progress for the NFL....
Why Is The <i>Sunday Night Football</i> Intro Song Always So Fucking Awful?
Drew Magary’s Thursday Afternoon NFL Dick Joke Jamboroo runs every Thursday during the NFL season. Email Drew here. Buy his book here....
I Did Not Buy 6,500 Pairs Of Nikes To Send To The Dump, But Thousands Of Idiots Think I Did
First off, let’s get something out of the way: I did not purchase $1.3 million dollars’ worth of Nike Air VaporMaxes (White/Varsity Purple/Metallic Silver/Aqua, size 9.5) with the intent of shipping them to the Glendale city dump....
A Frank Talk About Jacking It With Your Pals
The NFL: It’s for sure happening again, and it’s fine. It’s not ideal, a lot of it is really honestly pretty bad and shitty to watch, but it’s happening. There’s no way around the fact that it’s certainly happening. The games count, and that some of it at least is fine; the Browns and Steelers tied,...
At Least One Nathan Peterman Defender Exists, And He's A Shitbird
The Buffalo Bills officially announced on Wednesday that flailing intern Nathan Peterman would no longer be their starting QB, to the relief of Bills fans and probably Peterman himself, who never asked to become synonymous with incompetence just because his team had an irrational fear of Tyrod Taylo...
Sean McVay Is Doing The Spooky Brain Thing Again
They say that humans only use 10 percent of our brains. They go on to say that the claim that humans only use 10 percent of our brains—in addition to being a major plot point of the delightful Albert Brooks movie Defending Your Life—is a myth. Truly they cannot be trusted on this matter, but this mu...
Antonio Brown Apologizes For Threatening To Slug ESPN Writer Over Unflattering Profile
Last week Jesse Washington of The Undefeated published a story about Antonio Brown of the Steelers. It’s at once an especially 2018 kind of profile—the word “Instagram” appears 24 times, there are another three “’Grams,” and a further seven embedded Instagram posts—and a weirdly dissonant, pearl-cl...
We Think We Know Who Will Win The Super Bowl
It’s fine to know nothing about football. It’s also fine to know everything about football. What I know about football is: nothing....
Never Mind, The Raiders Actually Want Martavis Bryant Now
The Oakland Raiders dropped wide receiver Martavis Bryant 11 days ago, insisting at the time that the guy they traded a third-round pick for on draft night wasn’t released because of a possible drug suspension, but rather because he wasn’t very good and kept missing practice. Now, they’ve taken him ...
A New Jersey federal judge dismissed a class-action lawsuit that accused the New York Jets of screwing over PSL holders. “Agreement expressly disclaims that plaintiff is not acquiring the PSL as an investment or with a view to profiting from future distribution or resale, and further that Defendants...
Georgia State Coach Shawn Elliott Tore His Biceps Celebrating Touchdown In 41-7 Loss
Showing the unbridled enthusiasm of an assistant special teams coach, Georgia State head coach Shawn Elliott celebrated so hard after his team went up 7-0 on NC State last weekend that he tore his right biceps. He told reporters today that he will get surgery next week, which means Elliott will coac...
I Drafted My Fantasy Team Based On A Rigorous Evaluation Of NFL Players' Social Media Personalities
This week, Deadspin and Jezebel swap beats to celebrate America’s most dangerous and controversial pastimes: football and fashion, two sports that have far more in common than you think....
Hugh Freeze Thinks The "Climate In America" Is Keeping Him Out Of College Football
Hugh Freeze, a man whose horniness (or “moral turpitude,” if you’re a university official tasked with announcing his firing) got him shit-canned from Ole Miss a month out from the 2017 college football season, is now not so sure his dick is the only thing to blame for his unsuccessful job search....