fucking Page 17 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Here's Your First Bloodied-Face Picture Of The New NHL Season
Presenting Tim Jackman, of the Calgary Flames, from last night's season-opener against the Pittsburgh Penguins. Jackman didn't score any points in the Flames's 5-3 loss, but he did serve a two-minute minor for too many men on the ice. H/T to tipster Noah D., who reports "Jackman actually went in fo...

The Minute People Start Paying Attention To The Islanders Is The Minute An "Ice Cheerleader" Takes A Header
In what feels like a fantasy sequence straight outta Jerseylicious, the folks at Good Day New York sent a reporter in an Islanders sweater out to luxurious Nassau Coliseum to talk about how amazing this 2011-12 NHL season could be....

Read This Ode To Baltimore's Valiant Last Stand And Boston's Unexpected Collapse
Our friends at Et tu, Mr. Destructo have composed the best reaction to the chaos of the final week of the MLB regular season. You should go read it. A snippet, from the prelude: "The only time a Bill James almanac should come out over seven games is if you find your chair leg wobbling as you lean ba...

TCU To Leave The Big East Even Though It Still Isn't A Member
TCU might have been a geographic misfit when it joined the Big East, but its admission was thought by some to be the logical conclusion of the vision of the league's late founder, Dave Gavitt. On second thought, the school's exit for the Big 12 nine months before its Big East membership took effect...

Dear Joe Posnanski: Baseball Is Not Like Life
In our weekly excerpt from Slate's Hang Up and Listen podcast, noted author and occasional NFL roundtabler Stefan Fatsis wants to quibble with those writers who took last week's two-hour-long orgasm that ended the baseball regular season, and turned it into some kind of metaphor for life. In particu...

Hey, Craig Kimbrel! Don't Worry, The Internet Has Found Your Wallet
According to one reader, Kimbrel's Wednesday night did not get any better after his disastrous meltdown against the Philadelphia Phillies. Let's recap the rookie closer's part in eliminating the Braves from playoff contention:...

Big Yankees Fan Sings And Dances In Celebration Of The Big Red Sox Choke
Well, "Big Yankees Fan" Michael LaPayower didn't even wait 24 hours to stick it to the chokedog Boston Red Sox. And you know what, there's not a damn thing they can do about it....

Forgive Us For Overlooking The Brewers Fan Drinking Through A Horse Mask Last Night
Some good baseball last night. Hell, even the Milwaukee/Pittsburgh game mattered a little, in the sense that the Brewers now have home field in their NLDS. Tipster Steven F. was there to see it. But, he got distracted in the process of doing so. To wit:...

Last Night's Rays/Red Sox Madness, In Chart Form
Jack Moore acknowledges right from the start that it's impossible to quantify what took place in Baltimore and St. Pete. But he did calculate how the odds for both Boston and Tampa Bay fluctuated throughout the evening, and that snazzy image he created certainly puts it all in perspective. [FanGrap...

The Best Four Minutes Of Baseball Last Night, Presented In Split Screen
We've put together a split-screen video syncing up the conclusions of both Yankees-Rays and Red Sox-Orioles that we hope the IP crew at MLB is too hungover today to notice. Enjoy....

All The Baseball Announcers' Big, Joyous Calls Last Night (And Then One By Michael Kay)
Lots of exciting things happened on Wednesday, and for the most part our baseball broadcasters were up to the task. Above, we've compiled their calls of last night's biggest moments. Below, well, listen for yourself. ...

Dan Uggla Celebrated His Home Run Last Night By Dong-Bumping David Ross (Video)
Uggla had just hit a two-run homer off Cole Hamels in the bottom of the third to put the Braves ahead, 3-1. There was a playoff spot riding on this game, of course, so there was reason to be excited. But ... what was that?...

Dan Shaughnessy, At Approximately 10 P.M. Wednesday: "The Red Sox Season Is Not Going To End Tonight"
Here's Dan Shaughnessy, during last night's rain delay, with the Sox leading the Orioles 3-2 and the Yankees leading the Rays 7-0: "I think the Rays are not going to win tonight. I think that's the one thing that we've eliminated tonight is that the Red Sox season is not going to end tonight. They...

SprtsCntr: The Collapses Were Epic, And So Were the Clichés
What is ESPN prattling on about right now? We condense your morning SportsCenter to its essence....

Watch Harold Reynolds And Dan Plesac React To Last Night's Baseball Games Like The Rest Of Us Did
Your morning roundup for Sept. 29, the day we learned rotting fruit was an aphrodisiac. Video via Midwest Sports Fans. Got any stories or photos for us? Tip your editors....

Important Question Of The Night, Answered: Dan Johnson Did Not Go Deep To Some Dude's Nuts
This was Dan Johnson's game-tying shot in the ninth against the Yankees, which was briefly the night's most "holy shit" moment and which seemed all the more legendary for having caromed off some guy's balls. Verdict: no nut shot....

And Your MLB Wild-Card Teams Are The St. Louis Cardinals And The Tampa Bay Rays
The Cardinals beat the Astros 8-0 behind Chris Carpenter's complete game two-hitter. Sounds simple. But the rest wasn't. They'd have to wait a while to get all all celebratory in the locker room....

The Big East Is Reaping What Its Founder Sowed
Since when did Dave Gavitt become a paragon for all that is harmonious and decent and noble in college sports? Gavitt, who died a week ago today at the age of 73, was the founder and first commissioner of the Big East. And because Pitt and Syracuse have decided to seek higher ground by airlifting t...

Reds Scrub Juan Francisco Hit This Home Run All The Way Out Of The Stadium
Holy dear lord. That is a lot of power from Reds third baseman Juan Francisco. That is the kind of power that makes Adam Dunn weep. Juan Francisco could hit a ball this far before he's reached his 150th MLB plate appearance—what can he do next? This is why we—well, someone—watches September baseba...

Pig Poops On Own Balls (Photo NSFW Because Pig Is Pooping On Its Own Giant Balls)
Adjectives offered by Deadspin staff to describe the pig's balls: Large, weighty, absurd, massive, ponderous, colossal, tumescent, tumorous, pendulous, prodigious, balls heavy with hot pig bloatum. A.J.'s mostly concerned with the eggplant-sized poop. We all wonder if the pig might be sick, and we ...