fucking Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
How Did The Yankees Get Chris Carter On The Cheap?
One of the odder offseason odysseys has come to a close, with slugging 1B/DH Chris Carter signing with the Yankees for one year and $3.5 million. That seems like chump change for a guy who hit 41 homers for the Brewers last year, co-leading the NL, but for a while there it felt like no one wanted to...
Mark Trumbo's Discount Dingers Belong In Baltimore
The Orioles and RF/DH Mark Trumbo have agreed to a three-year deal for $37.5 million, and the most interesting thing about the agreement is that it’s for less than Baltimore offered him at the beginning of the offseason. It’s been a weird winter for power hitters....
Jose Bautista And The Blue Jays Needed Each Other More Than They Were Willing To Admit
In the end, both sides miscalculated. Jose Bautista misread the market for power hitters, and had to settle for what Toronto was offering. The Blue Jays mishandled the slugger they really wanted, and had to settle for the 36-year-old Bautista. It’s not romantic, but it’s a marriage nonetheless: Baut...
Don't Have Off The Record Meetings With The Stupid President
Donald Trump is both addicted to media attention and prone to lying to suit his own needs. There is no reason—none—for journalists to allow him to harangue them off-the-record. So stop. ...
The Yankees Have Big Plans For Aroldis Chapman
Quick, name the only previous reliever to get a five-year deal....
Report: Orioles Tell Free Agent Jose Bautista Their Fans Hate Him
This isn’t the greatest free agent pool, but there are still some sluggers on the board. One of those—though not as marquee a name as he was, say, 12 months ago, is outfielder Jose Bautista. And one of the teams looking for an outfielder (and, historically, loves to get power hitters in free agency)...
Chris Sale To The Red Sox, God Damn It
Ken Rosenthal is all over the HOT FUCKING STOVE, knocking down pots and pans and dropping his bowtie in the deep fryer. The soup is bubbling and Ken’s got the first taste: ...
The Nationals Are All-In On Chris Sale
From multiple media reports, the Nationals appear to be the team most likely to land White Sox ace Chris Sale in a trade this offseason—possibly as soon as this week’s Winter Meetings. The only thing that might scuttle the deal? If the Nats get Andrew McCutchen instead....
It's Bryce Harper Contract Panic Season Because Baseball Is Good
Bryce Harper won’t be a free agent until after the 2018 season, but that doesn’t mean it’s too early for everyone to start stressing the hell out over how much money he is going to cost. According to USA Today’s Bob Nightengale, the Nationals have already started discussing a possible extension with...
Rich Hill Finally Got Paid
Rich Hill will be returning to L.A. in 2017 after signing a three-year, $48 million contract with the Dodgers on the first day of the Winter Meetings. Amidst a weak free agent class, Hill’s 2.12 ERA in just over 110 innings split between Oakland and L.A. last season made him one of the shiniest piec...
Hot Fucking Stove: Don't Touch The Stove It's Extremely Hot
Good news, friends: The Thanksgiving holiday brought us not just a bounty of meats, side dishes, and familial bonding, but also mildly interesting baseball transactions that could have anywhere from no to some impact on the upcoming season of “America’s pastime.”...
Hot Fucking Stove: May I Interest You In News About The Houston Astros?
Folks, the Hot Stove is as cold as a popsicle being licked by Dick Cheney. There has been minimal baseball news to speak of this week, with the exception of one team. You heard about these Astros?...
The Hot Fucking Stove Is Now Happening
Welcome to our first Hot Stove in Trump’s America, where, unlike the rest of Trump’s America, the men getting rich will actually deserve it....
The Browns Are Just A Big Fuckin' Bummer
The Cleveland Browns started their night off by burning a timeout before the first play from scrimmage. After they forced the Ravens to punt, two players attempted to field that kick. It got better, briefly, but the Browns started their evening off by falling all over themselves and they never reall...
Let's Talk Hot Fucking Stove Season
It’s going to be a long night for everyone. Let’s put all that nervous energy to good use and talk some hot fucking stove....
Inspiring: Denver Broncos Cheerleaders Allow Dinosaur To Perform At Game
The Denver Broncos cheerleaders donned Halloween costumes for Sunday’s game, but one performer stood out above the rest, mostly because of the enormous head. An actual T-Rex, who for some reason wasn’t wearing a getup, danced on the field and participated in the routines:...
"Traitors To Trump" Is A Website Created By A Democrat Aiming For "Republican Civil War"
In the wake of Donald Trump being caught bragging to the fourth-most famous Bush in America about the practice of grabbing women by their crotches, you have surely seen lists of Republican lawmakers who have finally abandoned their party’s nominee for president. Those lists have presented the newly...
Don't Update Your Fucking iPhone!
Yesterday, Apple released its latest major software update with iOS 10. As far as I can tell, the iteration exists only to cut my battery life in half, make my Messages app unusable, and trick me into downloading hundreds of cartoon Biebers and one George R. R. Martin. Reader, don’t be like me. Don’...
Let These Bats Fuck In Peace
Preseason football can feel pointless; enough so that those watching are sometimes compelled to turn to more interesting pursuits. Such as having sex on the field, as these bats did in Saturday night’s Lions-Ravens game, captured by Baltimore Sun photographer Karl Ferron:...