funbag Page 18 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
What Are The Odds You'll Kill An Old Person With Your Cold?
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How To Tell Your Family That Your Cousin Is A Porn Star
Before we get into the Funbag, a quick announcement: I'll be out in D.C. tomorrow night handling the introduction at Justin Halpern's book reading at the Sixth & I Synagogue (Gregg Easterbrook would not approve). I should tell you in advance that you have to pay to go to this thing, which is a pain ...
The 10 Most Insane States In America
I was hanging out at home yesterday when a neighbor came knocking on our door and told me that she had driven home to find that her door was wide open and that she was scared someone had broken into her house. She didn't want to check out the house by herself, so she wanted to know if I could scout ...
Which Sport Has The Most Racists?
You're gonna want to be around on these here Interwebs tomorrow, for something is going to happen that will be monumental in its utter triviality. I promise you, you will TOTALLY be disappointed. In the meantime ... your letters: ...
The Fruitless Search For Decent Facial Recognition Porn Software
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Did Hideki Matsui Really Watch 55,000 Adult Videos?
I was fucking around on Twitter yesterday and I realized that Twitter should be able to allow you to block entire SUBJECTS. So if you really want to see The Avengers but don't want some asshole to spoil it for you, you just enter a block for any tweets that have the word "avengers" or "nick fury" or...
Which Celebrity Would Be The Best To Eat?
A lot of people wrote in last week in response this Dadspin post, particularly other dads who had been through similar situations. I don't really have a good place to post these letters—seems inappropriate to put letters about endangered babies in a feature called DEAD LETTERS—but I just wanted to s...
Shitting While Skydiving: A Physics Experiment
I apologize for not posting yesterday's Funbag on time. Due to various circumstances, you only get a half Funbag today, and I may have to work a limited schedule this month. But fear not: Everything will be back to normal soon. If by normal, you mean talking about hypothetical superpowers and poopin...
The Five Major Nonsexual Male Daydreams
I was at the airport last night and I lost big at Rental Car Roulette. I kept waiting for my rental car company's shuttle to show up as wave after wave of other, better companies had busses whizzing by every six seconds. I must have seen 37 Hertz buses while I stood out there like a GASH. You will p...
Wait, Chris Berman Gave How Much Money To Joe Lieberman?!
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Important Tips For Going Back In Time And Preventing 9/11
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Does Being Named "Ashley" Make You Hot? An Unscientific Study
Before we get to the Funbag, a quick programming note: I'm gonna be liveblogging the Oscars over at Gawker on Sunday night. We'll be plumbing depths of bitchiness heretofore unimaginable, so stop by if you feel like it. To your letters:...
Only A Fool Would Want His Kid To Play Football
I had to go get my watch fixed the other day, and the watch fixing place that I go to is one of those old school clockmaker shops that looks like it's run by a serial killer. There are old clocks all over the place and random magazine clippings tacked to the wall, with all kinds of strange tools sca...
Coming To Grips With Your Sexless Adulthood
Before we get to the Funbag, I should note that I'm doing a reading in Chapel Hill tonight at 7 p.m. at Flyleaf Books. The afterparty is gonna be at Linda's, which is about a mile away. And then, tomorrow night, there's gonna be a reading in Durham at the Regulator at 7 p.m., with drinks at either C...
How To Lose Weight Without Wanting To Kill Yourself
I was at the gym this morning and some old British dude started talking to me in the locker room, which is a huge breach of gym locker room protocol and totally freaked me out. Anyway, he's like, "You should watch your feet." And I looked down at my bare feet on the tile floor, and he was like, "Thi...