funbag Page 20 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The <em>Postmortal</em> Live Funbag
Two and a half years ago, I was laid off from my day job in advertising. And since I had to find a way to make enough money to support my family (blogging didn't quite make up the difference), I knew I had to do something productive with all of the newfound free time I had. Something big. I don't kn...
Farting At Urinals: An Exploration In Etiquette
The Postmortal drops a week from today, and to celebrate the release, next week's edition of the Deadspin Funbag will be a LIVE FUNBAG. We'll throw the post up around noon, then you can send in questions for the next three hours (via email or the comments) and I'll answer them in real time. All you ...
Could You Beat Kobe In Beer Pong?
I was about to go to bed the other night when my wife let me know that, earlier in the day, she had found an enormous spider right under my pillow....
Envisioning The Death Of The NBA
I have a lingering personal defect, which is that I always, without fail, overestimate the power of both staplers and hole punchers. If I have a stack of 50 pages that I need stapled and I see a tinyass Swingline stapler and I'm like, "NO PROBLEMO." Then I go to staple the pages together and the sta...
The Official Deadspin Guide To Booger Growth
I built a new PC this weekend, and by "I built it" I mean I stood there while my brother-in-law, who knows a lot about computers, assembled it. I probably should have washed the Sun Chips cheese powder off my hands before touching the processor. It's very cool to sit there for a day and take a look ...
Dog Feces Vs. Human Feces: WHO YA GOT?!
I was at the gym earlier today and I was in the shower. The shower at the gym has an opaque glass door, but the door only goes up to my neck, so anyone in the locker room can see my big fat alien head while I'm showering. Anyway, I'm standing there washing off, nothing malevolent. And for some reaso...
Is Going Commando In Gym Shorts OK?
Before I get to the Funbag, just a quick reminder that I'll be at Comic Con on Saturday, doing the Immortality panel at 10AM in Room 7AB. You can buy a copy of "The Postmortal" a month early if you go. And you get to meet me! And then you get to ignore me when you realize that one of the dudes who w...
Would You Kill A Stranger To Save Football?
Last week, I went to the gym and went inside the locker room to change before I worked out (POWER LIFTING GRRR STRONG!), and when I went to pull my gym clothes out of the bag a pair of my kid's underwear went flying out of the bag onto the floor. They had gotten there by accident during laundry fold...
Hookers And Cosplay And You!
I was at the airport the other day and we were an hour or two early for our flight because I've inherited my mother's paranoia with regards to missing flights. So we're sitting in the terminal with nothing to do when I remember that we walked by an arcade on the way to the gate. So I grab both of my...
What's The Best Way To Clean Up Spooge After Bareback Sex?
Hey, I'm some lady. I'm filling in for that guy you like, who is on vacation, which means that he is most likely drinking rum out of a hollow fruit and riding a horse on a beach somewhere right now (romantic!). Speaking of segueing into talking about horses, my main beef with horses is how fragile t...
Holding Farts In And You!
Yesterday, I took my wife's clothes to the dry cleaners, an errand I ran for her without her asking me to do so. And when I do something benevolent like that, I expect full credit and reams of endless praise for being so considerate. So I came home and left the dry cleaning ticket right out in the o...
What Would Football Look Like If It Were Played With Baseballs?
Your letters:...
When Did You Lose Your Dead Body Card?
Yesterday I tried on one of those sweat-wicking polyester workout shirts, the kind that's skintight and utterly unflattering on someone like me. Anyway, I've got this thing on and it's just painted on me, it's so tight, and it occurred to me that the main reason people wear this kind of stuff isn't ...
An In-Depth Examination Of Dad Strength
I was driving to a Metro stop yesterday when I saw a car up ahead that was about to merge into traffic from bus stop lane. And sometimes, you can tell well in advance that the driver about to merge into traffic is a fucking idiot who won't bother looking to see if another car is there. You get that ...
Can You Filibuster Your Own Execution?
Last Saturday I was supposed to sing the National Anthem at a Richmond Revolution game. The Richmond Revolution are a team in the Indoor Football League. What I didn't know is that Richmond Revolution are the only team in the Indoor Football League that plays its games OUTSIDE, and are therefore sub...
Everything You Wanted To Know About Porn, Weed, And Toilets In Afghanistan, Courtesy A Platoon Leader
That photo of an anonymous U.S. soldier standing in front of a whole shitload of weed was taken by a platoon leader in Afghanistan with the Gawker handle Lono. He emailed me recently to clarify a number of things about fighting overseas, namely the quality of local porn, the abundance of local weed,...
Did Osama Bin Laden Have Porn?
I used an electric nose hair trimmer for the first time the other day. It was oddly titillating. Now my nostrils are hollowed out like Nikki Tyler. It's almost too much oxygen for me to handle in one load....
Your Special Edition Dead Bin Laden Funbag
Before we get to your letters, kudos to TMZ for asking if Obama had victory sex on Sunday Night. Because he totally should have. His seaman should have conducted a forceful raid of his wife's compound to celebrate that news....
Everything You Wanted To Know About Fantasy Mutant Sperm But Were Afraid To Ask
Before we get to your letters, I must break down, in great detail, this fantastic question that was posted to Reddit over the weekend, from Reddit user Maddawg579:...
Is Batman REALLY A Superhero?
Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Find more of Drew's stuff at KSK or on Twitter. Email the Funbag here. Today, we're covering whales, video games, superheroes and more....