getty Page 97 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![Rejoice: The New Mascot In The Washington Nationals' Presidents Race Is William Taft, Our Fattest And Sleepiest President [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/18cp6zbk5fvosjpg.jpg)
Rejoice: The New Mascot In The Washington Nationals' Presidents Race Is William Taft, Our Fattest And Sleepiest President [Update]
At a fan fest today, the Nationals will announce the addition of a new American president to their much-beloved mascot race, which already saw a shake-up late in the Nationals' season when Teddy Roosevelt won for the first time ever. Crowd-pleasers that the Nationals are, they understood that fans ...
The Most Recent Fainting Spell Over Shabazz Muhammad Distills NCAA Compliance To Its Idiotic Essence
Shabazz Muhammad spent the first three games of UCLA's season—and his college career—sitting on the bench while the NCAA deliberated on whether he'd committed a minor infraction that he'd specifically been advised not to worry about when he committed it. When he was finally reinstated, he got back ...
Redskins OL Trent Williams Will Miss The Pro Bowl Because A Nightclub Patron Tasered Him And Cracked A Bottle On His Head
Yesterday, the Vikings announced that Matt Kalil would be taking over for Redskins offensive lineman Trent Williams in this Sunday's Pro Bowl. The Vikings couldn't supply any details and, as the Pro Bowl is an especially inessential exhibition, some speculated that Williams was merely resting from i...
The Lawyer For Fred Smoot, Who Double-Donged Two Hookers, Would Like You To Know Smoot Did Not Pee Himself After His DUI Arrest
Yesterday we passed along the news that Fred Smoot, the former cornerback best known for inserting a double-ended dildo into two prostitutes on a Vikings sex cruise, was arrested last month in Washington for a DUI. Among the information in the police affidavit: Smoot urinated down his pants leg whil...
Cedric Benson's Dogs Are A Scourge Upon Local Livestock
Green Bay Packers running back and part-time strip club DJ Cedric Benson is not very good at controlling his murderous dogs. According to the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, Benson was recently issued a citation after his two Rottweilers went on a violent rampage against some innocent livestock....
Report: Carl Pavano Ruptured His Spleen Shoveling Snow
That's according to Ken Rosenthal, whose MLB sources told him the injury would keep the right-hander out for six to eight weeks. Then again, it might be much longer. Consider: Pavano is 37, he hasn't pitched since June 1 because of shoulder trouble, and he's still a free agent....
Rob Ryan Was Out Of Work For 22,987 Minutes
Firing confirmed by Tim MacMahon at 4:54 PM, January 8th (EST):...
Sean Payton Has Been Back For Two Days And Already Fired Two Coaches
The NFL announced on Tuesday that Sean Payton's season-long suspension for his role in the bounty scandal was over. He presumably spent Wednesday moving all his desk tchotchkes back into his office. Today he fired defensive coordinator Steve Spagnuolo and secondary coach Ken Flajole....
Arizona's Justification For Trading Justin Upton Is Insufferable
The Arizona Diamondbacks' decision to trade Justin Upton to the Atlanta Braves for Martin Prado, Randall Delgado, and a handful of prospects is a curious one. Upton had a relatively disappointing season in 2012 (he still posted 2.5 WAR according to Fangraphs), but he looked like the second coming o...
Katherine Webb Isn't Darnell Dockett's Type: "I'm Not Into The Thinner Girls"
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Missed kicks? San Francisco's GM isn't worried....
Darelle Revis Is Not Happy About Those Trade Rumors That The Jets Refuse To Address
The Jets, man. They just can't stop themselves from Jetsing. The latest bit of melodrama plaguing the organization involves rumors that that Jets owner Woody Johnson, the same guy who recently claimed that he never wanted Tim Tebow in the first place, wants to trade all-pro cornerback Darelle Revis...
Delmon Young Can Earn $600,000 In Bonus Money By Not Being A Fat Mess
On Tuesday, the Philadelphia Phillies signed Delmon Young, noted anti-semite and worst player to ever win the ALCS MVP, to a one-year, $750,000 contract. Today, we learned that Young's contract has one very peculiar stipulation. From the AP:...
A Pissed Off Bill Callahan Responds To Tim Brown And Jerry Rice
Someone finally got around to telling Bill Callahan that two of his former players have accused him of throwing Super Bowl XXXVII, and he is not happy. Here's a statement that Callahan released via NFL.com in response to accusations by Tim Brown and Jerry Rice that he lost the Super Bowl on purpose...
Can Anyone Think Of Another Reason Sloane Stephens Is Considered Serena Williams's "Protégé"?
This evening, Serena Williams plays 19-year-old American phenom Sloane Stephens in the quarterfinals of the Australian Open. The two played for the first time just three weeks ago in Brisbane, when No. 3 Williams cruised past No. 25 Stephens, 6-4, 6-3. But tonight's match has something of a differen...
Jerry Rice And Tim Brown Say Bill Callahan Threw Super Bowl XXXVII
Bill Callahan, the offensive coordinator of the Dallas Cowboys, just got a promotion today. Jerry Jones took the playcalling reins away from Jason Garrett and put them in Callahan's hands. (Was Dallas's offense a problem? They ranked sixth in yards per game and 11th in Football Outsiders' DVOA stat....
Rich Golfer Phil Mickelson Is Going To Take "Drastic" Action To Escape His Imaginary Tax Burden
This past weekend, wealthy golfer Phil Mickelson took some time during a press conference to express his displeasure with the current federal and state tax codes. Like Gerard Depardieu, Mickelson finds the burden of being a multi-multimillionaire in a confiscatory socialist political system too muc...
OK, What The Hell Is Going On With Roberto Luongo?
Not two years ago, Roberto Luongo was one of the best goaltenders in the game. He was, if not beloved by Vancouver, at least embraced as the man most responsible for making the Canucks a Cup contender. But something weird happened. He fell out of favor, even before the Canucks fell in a Game 7. This...
Harbaugh Like Me: A Harbaugh On Harbaugh Vs. Harbaugh
This post was originally published on The Classical, one day before the 49ers and Ravens advanced to the Super Bowl....