go Page 769 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Felix Pie's Minor Surgery, No Big Deal, Nothing To See Here
The sad saga of Felix Pie took a new twist yesterday, and we're sorry we just used that punnish metaphor and actually have doubled over in our chair and are fighting off dry heaves....
Ministry Is Now Writing NHL Fan Songs
Anyone who had that collegiate/postcollegiate fervor of metal-sledged revolution will remember the anarchic thrust of the band Ministry. Every time we listened to that band, we were convinced the world was collapsing all around us and only our youthful vigor could save it. Then the song would end an...
Who's Sorry Now? Golf Edition
It's bad enough that your name is John Henry Isenhour III. But now word has leaked that you killed a protected species of hawk with a golf drive, on purpose, and there are criminal charges pending against you. Poor dumb sap. The only thing remaining of course is a phony, slapdash apology. Take it aw...
Are You Ready For "Torco Field" On The North Side?
We haven't weighed in yet on the notion that the Cubs might change the name of Wrigley Field, but let us say that it would make us, and just about everybody we know, incredibly sad. There'd be no more sad sign of our times than having drunk postcollegiates stumbling around Bank of America Field. Ev...
Man's Ashes Have More Fun Than He Ever Did
Dear tiny infant Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you, "Jezus," please welcome Big George Helms (pictured here) into your Heavenly kingdom. But first, kindly bear with us as his remains take a couple of laps at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. Then its over to the KFC drive-thru, and then straig...
To Watch Tonight
Wait ... I could have sworn that the TV just crept a little closer when I wasn't looking ... • College basketball: Duke at Virginia (7 p.m., ET) [ESPN]; Syracuse at Seton Hall (7 p.m., ET); Texas A&M at Baylor (9 p.m., ET) [ESPN2]. OK Baylor, how do you top five overtimes? •NBA: Phoenix at Denver (9...
Media Approval Ratings: Trey Wingo
Trey Wingo's real name, in case you're wondering, is Hal Chapman Wingo III. Our family's naming conventions require the son to name his first son after his father, which means our name is William Franklin Leitch III, and our father's is William Bryan Leitch II. We've tried to come up with a good nic...
Hasn't Benny The Bull Suffered Enough?
If you can't see the video for some reason, what we have here is Benny the Bull on The Jerry Springer Show, being told by his girlfriend that there's "someone else." That someone is a larger, plastic Benny the Bull, and of course violence ensues. But there are so many ways that it could have been fu...
Big Papi: Keeping The Streets Of D.C. Safe
When people find out I write for Deadspin, the first question I'm always asked is: "Why no pictures of David Ortiz in a motorcycle sidecar?" So I've decided to address this once and for all, even though the photos are a couple of days old. It was all part of the Red Sox's triumphant return to the Wh...
Making Peace With Favre's Final Days
As you might have heard, Brett Favre retired today. (Officially. Unofficially. Whatever.) Around these parts, we've had no bigger Favre and Packers loyalist than Jeff Bercovici, an editor at Portfolio and serious Favre man-crusher. Here, he emotes on a historic day, after the jump....
Vacations Make Us Antsy; Back To Work
After five days and four nights in what is literally the most beautiful place we have ever visited, one would think returning to the stunning glamor of the Abe Stark Sports Center would be a comedown. But, frankly, we're glad to be back, and not just because the time off verified our nagging fear th...
Felix Pie Out With A YEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWW
The Cubs have suffered a spate of unfortunate and somewhat bizarre injuries already this spring. Alfonso Soriano has a fractured finger. Jose Ascanio had a bruised face after getting punched in a robbery attempt. Mark DeRosa was hospitalized with an irregular heartbeat. But none has a painful tale a...
Gus Johnson Hits The Pause Button
This is from a while back, but I feel it buttresses (pause) my claim that Gus Johnson should be paired with Dick Vitale. Sure, they're on different networks and their collective screaming would surely destroy us all. But at least the next time Dickie V. starts a massive Dook fellatefest, there'll be...
"Everything Stops When The Bobcats Play"
I've gone to four NBA games the last two seasons - courtesy of fellow Weekend Daddy Unsilent Majority's Verizon Center season tickets - and somehow three of them have involved the Bobcats. Despite that, I'm pretty sure I could count on one hand the number of Charlotte jerseys I've seen. Nevertheles...
About Last Night...
What you missed while stocking up on Postum......
Tyson-Holyfield III: For All The Butterscotch
The Shocker Before Matlock! The Scuffle During Shuffleboard! The Rumble For The Hoverround! Two Guys On The Beach Fighting Instead Of Wandering Around With Metal Detectors! None of these are catchy names, so a third fight between Evander Holyfield and Mike Tyson probably won't happen....
You've Picked Up A Mauve TV Guide
Somehow, we were able to escape the February Of Sadness, but this first week of March doesn't seem to yield much excitement beyond the Grapefruit League and the Atlantic Sun basketball tournament. With that in mind, today's video game you oughta play is the obscure Dragon Crystal for the Sega Game G...
FAMU + Athletics = Crazy
So this probably needs to be addressed: Florida A&M freshman quarterback Michael Johnson was arrested today after he admitted that he lied about being attacked at gunpoint in his dorm room. And no one is sure why he did it....
Derek Anderson Leaves Browns For Free Agency, Signs With Browns
I'm picturing the scene from Meet The Parents where a dejected Ben Stiller stands in an empty terminal and must wait his turn to board the airplane, thanks to the by-the-book airline employee who has yet to call his row. "Please step aside, sir."...