go Page 796 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Yard Work Takes No Prisoners
We're not sure what they're putting in the water over there at Yard Work world headquarters today, but they've been murdering us all afternoon. Murdering us with COMEDY!...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while building a giant peanut out of thousands of regular peanuts ... • Monarchs win WNBA title! Whoa, calm down people of Sacramento! (Sound of crickets). • MLB: Ladies and gentlemen, your division-leading San Diego Padres. • MLB: Yankees beat Orioles, remain a half-game back in que...
Made A Mistake? Hey ... We'll Help With Katrina!
NASCAR just announced that the helmet racer Robby Gordon threw at Michael Waltrip's car last weekend — apparently Waltrip crashed his car or something — will be auctioned off to benefit victims of Hurricane Katrina. Of all the self-involved attempts by athlete to pump up the Q rating by pretending...
The Perils Of Athletic Transgendering
Ever wonder what the rules are for transgender athletes? Well, we didn't either, but hey, it's a slow news day: Slate has a helpful primer on transgender golfers. (Hey, shush you: Phil Mickelson doesn't count.) Apparently, you have to wait two years after your reassignment to compete professionall...
"Ditka 84, Bengals Negative-7"
With the Bears' convincing win over quarterback Corky Thatcher and the Detroit Lions, and a NFC North division that suddenly looks very winnable, we look to the Chicago Bears for the most reason anyone looks to the Chicago Fears: Da Fans. Bears fans might not be the most spirited fans in all of th...
Blogdome: San Diego Padres Edition
• What team scares the Cardinals the most? Would you believe the Padres? [Viva El Birdos] • Padres blogger: Don't hate us, American League! [Gas Lamp Ball] • Redskins fans might be a little too excited about that win last night. [Mr. Irrelevant] • Alabama school president in serious danger of damagi...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as your old high school gym teacher shows up on your porch and demands pushups ... • MNF: Saints at Giants. The hurricane just may have saved Jim Haslett's job. So that's something, anyway. [ABC] • MNF: Redskins at Cowboys. Stop by Jerry Jones' skybox and compliment him on his facelift...
Leftovers: Don't Mess With Texas
• Texans fire offensive coordinator Chris Palmer. Yeah, that'll turn the tide.* [KSPN • K State RB Thomas Clayton knocks over a couple of guys and speeds to daylight — in a car. [Tony's Kansas City] • Ronaldinho selected world player of the year. There'll be dancing in the streets of Rio tonight! Um...
On The DL: That Drunk, Impregnating Farnsworth
It's time for installment No. 2 of our three-part series revealing the athletes behind some of On The DL's blind-items. Last week, we found out that the ladies say Cubs second baseman Todd Walker loves to flash his wedding ring at strip clubs. Today's blind item: I'm Ok, I sWaRe...:...
Blogdome: PBR Me ASAP
• How can you not root for a golfer who wears a Pabst Blue Ribbon hat? [The Mighty MJD • Page 2 is beginning to make us cry. [Off Wing Opinion] • A tribute to Reggie White that, mercifully, doesn't include blatant homophobic rants. [Black Athlete] • The St. Louis Rams: The most dysfunctional franchi...
About Last Night ...
What you missed while in the tub reenacting the battle of the Monitor and the Merrimack ... • MLB: Bonds hits 705th homer, is ordered to stitch actual asterisk to his uniform. • NFL: Brady's late-night carousing catches up to him in Patriots' loss to Panthers. • PGA: Some guy named Jason Gore wins s...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as Michael Moore sneaks in the back door and raids your fridge ... • MLB: A's at Red Sox. If you notice the Yankees getting larger, that's because they're only 1 1/2 games back. [ESPN] • When golf and women collide: LPGA John Q Hammons Hotel Classic. [The Golf Channel] • Contributing t...
On The DL: Athletes Unmasked!
So we've been talking for the last couple of days to the people at On The DL, the blind item sports gossip site that claims to have inside info on the cheating ways of countless Major League Baseball players. We initially had some doubts about their verisimilitude, and even though we still advise ...
Blogdome: The Freefalling White Sox
• If the White Sox actually blow this lead, will manager Ozzie Guillen just starting killing people, randomly? It seems somewhat likely. [Baseball Musings] • Contrary to lazy popular opinion, not all members of the Portland Trail Blazers are on drugs, or even bad people. [TrueHoop] • Was last night'...
About Last Night ...
You awake in a large metal container, wearing a bear costume, with a tranquilizer dart stuck in your ass ... • MLB: Andruw Jones belts 50th homer, but you guessed it, Braves still lose. • WNBA Finals: Sacramento Monarchs win Game 1 of ... oh forget it, you're not even reading this. • MLB: That big f...
Jerry Rice Refuses To Go Gently
We're actually starting to feel kind of bad for Jerry Rice. The guy's very possibly the best player in NFL history and, now that he has been kicked off three teams and has an opportunity to retire gracefully, he's still desperate to play some more. When asked on the CBS pregame show last Sunday wh...
Blogdome: Stay Angry, San Diego
• Has a first place team ever been more unhappy and less fun to watch then the San Diego Padres? [Gas Lamp Ball] • A rare black umpire died. Did anyone notice? [BlackAthlete] • It might comes as a surprise to people outside of New York — or even, we'll admit, us — but Mark Messier wasn't nearly as p...
Today In MLB Blogs
We don't mean to pry, really, but we can't help but find Baseball Strategies a little strange. First off, it promises "daily insite" (sic) into the game of baseball direct from San Diego Padres scout Branden Moskwa. But for a guy who supposedly works inside the game, he sure is, well, kinda into g...
Barry Returns, Giants Fans Remember What Life's Like
Well, our boy Barry Bonds returned to the Giants last night, and other than the blantantly terrible spelling on the front of his jersey (come on, people; G-I-A-N-T-S, it ain't that hard!), it was an smashing success all around. Bonds almost homered, the crowd showered him with nothing but Californ...
To Watch Tonight ...
What to watch as your hairline recedes considerably faster than the New Orleans floodwater ... • MLB: Padres at Giants. Barry throws down his crutches, returns to lineup. • Pickup basketball: NBA players' Hurricane Relief Game. • MNF: Eagles at Falcons. That lovable Terrell Owens plucks at your hear...