god Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
You Will Physically Flinch While Reading This Story
See those four things over on the left? Those are fasteners. They should be clamped on to dumbbell bars, and not your penis. One poor soul missed that memo....
Jeff Jagodzinski Has Not Had A Good Year
Tampa Bay has not even seen their new offense in real-time competition yet, but they have apparently seen enough to know that it stinks. They fired coordinator Jeff Jagodzinski today, just one week before Opening Day....
Plague Of Insects Descends Upon Scott Boras' Angel Stadium Suite
"The bees occupied his front-row seats directly behind home plate for the first two innings. They were removed with the help of a vacuum during the third inning." And then, lo, the Lord hardened the superagent's heart. [AP]...
The Hamiltons In Jesusland
Because we're all coastal elites here at Deadspin, we asked a Texas native to give us a sense of how the Josh Hamilton saga is unfolding in the Lone Star State. Piously, reports Jonanna Widner....
If A Photo Of A Norwegian Black Metal Band Is On Deadspin, That Means Shit Is Seriously Messed Up
For real. This is the first snow day since I've been at Gawker, but the server problems are quite severe this time site-wide and it's making everyone's day miserable. So we're shutting it down for today....
The Real Reason Michael Phelps Won't Meet With the Pope
It's not because he got high (as we all know, the Pope smokes dope). The reason famous fish-person Michael Phelps won't meet with the Nazi Pope is buried deep in his family history, as revealed on his Wikipedia page....
The Mets Shall Inherit The Earth
Courtesy of an astute Newsday reader comes a feapic of a certain Long Island church, which, apparently, is trying to poach congregants from New York sports talk radio shows. Blasphemy!...
Look! It's Godzilla's Helmet!
"He was in great humor, which is always when he's the best, most likable Alex," Selena Roberts wrote in A-Rod. And that was before he turned a helmet into a wedding bouquet and himself into a desperate bachelorette....
Yankees Will Deign To Respect Our Civil Liberties
Bradford Campeau-Laurion — the guy who was drummed out of Yankee Stadium for trying to tinkle during the Yankees' seventh-inning tribute to compelled patriotism, the playing of "God Bless America" — has settled his lawsuit against the team and city....
Greg Oden's Romantic Hawaiian Vacation Keeps Getting Interrupted By Bill From Accounting
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Athletes Who Exercise Their Freedom By Hating On America
Hot dogs, apple pie, fireworks and anti-patriotism— it's the perfect excuse for a July 4 gallery. Now go celebrate America!...
Jesus Christ Football Star
How you feel about this account of football-playing home-schoolers will depend largely on your stomach for misspelled signage and sentences like, "Tebow ... demonstrated that a home-schooler could absorb a playbook as well as the Book of Deuteronomy." [NYT]...
Please Join KOGOD This Evening For NBA Draft Insanity
Deadspin's official draftnik for 2009 will be "KOGOD" aka "Unsilent Majority" aka "Baby KOGODINO." He will live blog until he falls asleep in a comfy chair covered in peanut shells and Velveeta. Have fun with him. [KSK]...
YouTube: Where Enjoyable Parodies Happen
I solemnly swear never to get sick of these send-ups of the NBA's "Where Will Amazing Happen This Year?" commercials....
A Special Balls Deep Message To The Class Of 2009
This is Balls Deep with Drew Magary. Read him at KSK. Buy his book. Follow him at Twitter. NSFW Inga after the jump....
Trailblazers, I Am Told, Are Often Misunderstood
Um so…did I mention I am also recovering from a sinus infection? How about a YouTube clip of children using obscene language?...
'God Bless America' Guy Decides To Sue Yankees
Patriotism taken to horrifying extremes, or a rogue fan intent on mocking decent society? Yankees fan Bradford Campeau-Laurion has his side of the story, the cops have theirs. Now, a court will decide....
Frazier, On Ali's Health Problems: 'God Judges, You Know What I'm Saying?'
As a heavyweight, Joe Frazier was as tough and awe-inspiring as they come. That's why it's hard to listen to him now; both because of the way he speaks, and what he's saying....
God Lights The Way For Kurt Warner, Demands 15 Percent
Kurt Warner officially announced his new deal with the Cardinals on Wednesday, saying that it was God who told him to eschew the 49ers and return to Arizona....