god Page 7 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

The World Needs Lil B To Curse Lonzo Ball And The Lakers

The Ball family, of Big Baller Brand shoes and the Lakers’ point-guard-of-the-future role, have a new Facebook reality show called Ball in the Family. I had no idea the Ball family ever did not have a Facebook reality show, but here we are....

Opening Of New Rams And Chargers Stadium Pushed Back A Year Because Of Rain

Drought-stricken California was drenched in record-breaking waves of rainfall this winter. Dams broke, long-parched rivers swelled up with new life, and dormant colonies of wildflowers surfaced for the first time in decades. Life has been good and green for Californians. Not so much if you’re buildi...

Marcell Ozuna Sent This Pitch To Goddamn Neptune

Marcell Ozuna is NOT a fan of the Rays’ 2011 AL Wild Card banner and he will do anything he can to see it die....

Mike Pence Is A Fucking Joke<em></em>

Say hello to our Elderly Lego Man Vice President, wearing his varsity Vice Presidenting jacket and standing, with an intensity reserved almost exclusively for constipation sufferers, near the Demilitarized Zone separating North and South Korea. Supposedly, Pence wasn’t meant to go outside during his...

Look At This Fucking Asshole<em></em>

Behold idiot son-in-law Jared Kushner—the man now in charge of brokering Middle East peace, Uberizing the federal government, reforming the entire criminal justice system, and keeping Donald Trump’s hands off his wife. This perfect still frame from a David O. Russell film has also been put in charge...

What Would It Look Like, Hypothetically, If A Public Figure Were Suffering The Symptoms Of Dementia? 

Ronald Reagan was 69 years old at his inauguration as president in 1981, the oldest anyone had ever been on taking the office—a record that Donald Trump recently beat when he was inaugurated at age 70. Beset by concerns about his advanced age from the beginning, Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s...

Steph Curry Nailed This Shot From Goddamn Mars

I’m not sure Steph Curry is ever truly out of shooting range, and he should be deputized to chuck from wherever he damn well pleases. Tonight, he tossed off a double-pump heave from two-thirds court or so, and he swished it. Sadly, it didn’t count....

Lil B Was Too Hip Hop For New York

Although New York hasn’t been the center—or even an especially noteworthy hub, for that matter—of rap music for over a decade, it still holds a special meaning. New York is the Mecca of rap, the fertile soil from which it sprung and where the golden age of hip hop blossomed. This is where Kool Herc ...

Edwin Encarnacion Hit A Walk-Off To Goddamn Mars To Put The Blue Jays Through

The Blue Jays beat the Orioles in the eleventh inning of tonight’s Wild Card game thanks to a huge three-run dinger from Edwin Encarnacion. Encarnacion was the third batter that Ubaldo Jimenez faced after he came into the game with one out in the eleventh. He allowed both baserunners to reach on sin...

Donald Trump Might Actually Go to Mexico Tomorrow [Update]

This election has been an objective nightmare, but at long last, we finally have some good news. In a little over 12 hours, Donald Trump could be heading to Mexico. And if Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto has even a sliver of a heart, he’ll let him in. Because god knows we need this....

Thiago Da Silva Sets Olympic Pole Vault Record, Dethrones Frenchman

Renaud Lavillenie entered tonight’s pole vault final as the reigning Olympic champion and world record holder. He finished it as a silver medalist, thanks to Brazilian Thiago da Silva setting a new Olympic record of 6.03m in a wild night that featured a lengthy rain delay and malfunctioning equipmen...

Alex Dickerson Hit This Pitch To Goddamn Jupiter

Get a load of this towering dinger that Alex Dickerson sent to the fifth deck up in Toronto tonight. Dickerson’s historic blast (more on this after the dong) went so high that the Fox Sports cameras lost it in the sky....

Bryce Harper Hit This Pitch To Goddamn Saturn

If you throw that fastball as straight as an arrow and lay it right over the middle of the plate, you’re liable to watch it fly all the way out of the ballpark. Bud Norris did just that against Bryce Harper, who proceeded to jerk a big dong to the third deck....

The Top Story Of The Day

Tim Tebow Finds It Easier To Resurrect The Dead Than To Play Pro Football

According to a Facebook post that has since been confirmed as true by an ABC reporter, former NFL quarterback Tim Tebow may very well possess the ability to resurrect the dead....

Oh My God, Look At This Giant Fucking Alligator 

This impossibly large alligator was spotted on a golf course in Florida. I’m just gonna throw this out there, and feel free to disagree, but it is my opinion that this gator is too large. ...

God Save The Pop Singer Hired To Perform FA Cup Final National Anthem And Didn't

British pop singer Karen Harding had one job before today’s FA Cup Final at Wembley: to sing “God Save The Queen.” It didn’t work out so well for her—having missed her cue, she stood silently for most of the anthem before finally chiming in for the final few words. At least those are the most import...

Alternate Titles For Tim Tebow's Upcoming Book

Failed NFL quarterback Tim Tebow has gone and done what all famous white people in their 20s seem to be doing these days: he’s written a book about himself (this is actually Tebow’s second such book). The title of this book is SHAKEN: Discovering Your True Identity in the Midst of Life’s Storms, and...

Nelson Cruz Sent This Pitch To Goddamn Pluto

The Seattle Mariners wrapped up a sweep of the Oakland A’s today in the Bay Area, and the club is now first in the AL West (the A’s are weirdly twice as good on the road than at home this season, perhaps owing to the fact that their stadium is a cavernous wind trap without adequate plumbing.) Seattl...

Kyle Lowry Halfcourt Bomb Sends Game 1 To Overtime

Kyle Lowry had been struggling all game, until the bitter end of Toronto’s opening game against Miami, when he hit this absolute moonshot to tie the game at 90 and send it to overtime. The Heat had it just about sealed up (TNT read the credits and everything) until they got too lackadaisical, got ca...