gold Page 93 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Man Named Dokken Assaults Gopher Mascot Named Goldy
Before the rush to judgment commences, can we all agree that there is zero need for a buck-toothed mascot to obstruct the view of a 60-year-old guy who just wants to spend his Saturday enjoying some men's gymnastics? Cool....
"Golden Radio Voice" Guy Has Golden Mugshot History
Courtesy of "NFL Facts and Rumors" via The Smoking Gun comes visual documentation as to why the Ted Williams had trouble getting a job. Also, he was detained by LAPD early this morning for squabbling. [The Smoking Gun]...
"Golden Radio Voice" Guy Has A Job Offer From The Cavs
Columbus, Ohio, homeless man Ted Williams, which is American for "Susan Boyle," apparently has been offered a home and a job doing voiceover work for the Cavs. Dreams do come true, America, just so long as they go viral first. [Business Insider]...
Ray Lewis Wants To Snuggie With You
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Illinois Men's Basketball Team Plays Better Basketball When Using A Men's Basketball
No. 17 Illinois got off to a slow start against Oakland tonight. They were down 15-6 in the first half when players complained to a ref that the game ball felt light. That's because it was a women's regulation basketball....
Crazy Old Coots Still Bemoaning Felix Hernandez's Cy Young Award
Joe Morgan may be gone, but his ignorant spirit lives on. Murray Chass and Phil Rogers wonder how in the world Hernandez could be the best pitcher if he didn't have the most wins. Yes, we're still having this damn discussion....
Toddler Dies After Fall From Staples Center Luxury Suite
A two-year old boy died last night after sustaining injuries in a fall from a luxury suite after the Warriors-Lakers game at the Staples Center....
Lovable Old Coach Speaks Only In Yells And Similes
Montana Tech football coach Bob Green announced his retirement yesterday. After 24 years with the NAIA Diggers, he's as established a walking soundbite as he is a coach....
Cranky Old Man Chides Everyone For Enjoying YouTube Clip
Frank Deford on that whimsical middle school trick play: "It wasn't genius at all; rather, it was a form of child abuse."...
Colin Cowherd Keeps Fucking That Chicken (UPDATE)
Yesterday, on the heels of John Wall's first career triple-double in his sixth career game, Colin Cowherd once again took to the airwaves to air his grievance about Wall's play. It was tasteful; he invoked Wall's dead dad and everything....
Derek Jeter Is A Gold Glover, Somehow (UPDATE)
There are no words. It's as if Joe Morgan left a giant turd on the carpet on his way out the door. [HardballTalk]...
Colin Cowherd's Asinine John Wall Rant, With Video Accompaniment
On Tuesday, John Wall played his first home game as a Washington Wizard. During his introduction, he came out to "Teach Me How To Dougie" and performed the accompanying dance. Colin Cowherd was less than thrilled because Colin Cowherd is an asshole....
Michigan's Parachute Guy Has Raised The Bar On Ball-Delivery Stunts
This video is nearly four minutes long. It has a man jumping out of a plane and into Michigan Stadium before last week's Michigan St-Michigan game. It is great....
Weekend Winner: Big Ten Gamblers And Conspiracy Theories
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Wisconsin Badgers, who were up 25 with 6 minutes left, and went for two. It didn't please Minnesota, but it pleased some people with money on the game....
ESPN Producer Caught Beating It Outside A Lady's Window
Win 17 Emmys, and no one calls you "Emmy-winner" Neil Goldberg. Head ESPN's NASCAR coverage, and no one calls you "motorsports guru" Neil Goldberg. But stand on a stool to masturbate to a woman getting dressed just once......
Randy Moss's "Disgusting Act" Finally Put To Political Use, And The NFL Isn't Happy
Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold's new campaign commercial compares "excessive" touchdown celebrations—including Randy Moss's infamous "mooning" of the Lambeau faithful—to the behavior of Washington lobbyists. It's a bit of a stretch, but the NFL is characteristically up in arms....
Trio of Bros Sing About Marquette Basketball
Ever wonder what a song about financial aid that samples Free Fallin' would sound like? How about a bunch of bros rap-defending Taylor Swift? Or an acoustic take on Axe Shower Gel?...
Meet Your New Undersized, Scraptastic, Very White New England Sports Cult Hero: Danny Woodhead
Danny Woodhead, the Jets castoff and Rex Ryan-anointed "little fucker," made his Patriots debut yesterday and is already being touted as the economy-sized Wes Welker. Chief among these proponents is Dan Shaughnessy. Of course. Let's look at the best of the worst....
Tony Dungy Is An Insufferable Shit
"If I'm Reggie Bush, I give back the trophy," Tony Dungy said yesterday in his capacity as football's freelance moral compass. This is all he does anymore: intone some insufferably pious crap that's just aching to be cross-stitched onto a decorative pillow....
Sportswriter Fired For Being A Homer Takes Job With Favorite Team
Remember Pete Pelegrin, the Miami Herald's FIU beat writer (and "FIU evangelist," in the words of a coworker) who publicly and spectacularly quit the paper because they were giving Miami more coverage? He's now working for FIU. Synergy!...