graduation - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Subway let Russ cook and we all paid the priceRussell Wilson’s natural ability to immortalize himself in memes is Hall of Fame worthy. He has the viral touch, just not in the way mainstream viewers would prefer it. Everything his tryhard persona touches inspires the wrath of the internet, mashups — and gets clicks. Sometimes it’s unfair. On cer...

Respect Is Poison: A Message To The Class Of 2019I have a story to tell you about being Mad Online. This isn’t really a fitting, celebratory story for you, the graduating class of 2019. You’re currently clad in your caps and your gowns, surrounded by loved ones, forced to endure one final round of grueling lectures from a cadre of respected gradua...

Walk: A Message To The Class Of 2017It’s grad season again, and this year’s crop of commencement addresses promises to ring even more hollow than usual now that graduating seniors are leaving school to step into the End Times. I mean, really: what fucking good is gonna come from you hearing about working hard and/or growing from your ...

Surviving A Graduation

Graduation felt like petering-out more than a crisp conclusion to what was—fill in your own blanks—maybe the most hedonistic, maybe the most edifying, probably the most tumultuous phase of a young life. The whole spectacle was stretched thin over too many days, a slow and tedious death....

On Safe Spaces: A Message For College Graduates

Oh God, it’s graduation season. Can’t we pause this somehow? I just got done adjusting to the LAST graduating class entering the workforce and ruining everything. Can’t we put a five-year moratorium on graduations so that the rest of the world can take a breather? You’re all exhausting and terrible,...

The World Is A Hurtful Goddamn Mess: A Message To The Class Of 2015

Oh, God. Grad season. THE WORST. Yes, it’s that time of year when colleges around the nation pay $50,000+ a pop for some celebrity or politician or (God help the children) author to come in and spray hot knowledge all over the senior class before the kids can finally stand in line for a diploma and ...

How To Suck: A Special Message To The Graduating Class Of 2014

This is all about sucking, so I'll begin with me, in a parking lot, parked too close to the adjacent car. I open my car door and inadvertently hit the other dude's door. I pray that I haven't left a scratch, or a dent, or something substantial that would require insurance-card swapping and 10 minu...

You're Fucked, But You're Free: A Message To The Class Of 2013

It's May, which means it's time once again for actors and writers and politicians and whatever Thomas Friedman is to hit the graduation circuit and hold senior classes hostage for hours and hours in 85-degree heat. These grad speeches are little more than TED talks in funny hats. Trust me: One day...