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John Angelos and the Orioles spend the night getting ethered throughout baseball [Update]

Update (8/8/23, 1 p.m. ET): Kevin Brown will be returning to the Orioles booth on Friday, according to The Baltimore Banner, in a development that seems conspicuously timed following the widespread and unanimous criticism aimed at the organization. It remains clear, though, that John Angelos is a to...

If Anthony Rizzo played hockey they’d put him in the Hall of Fame

You’ve probably heard that Anthony Rizzo hasn’t been able to hit the baseball much farther than he can piss lately. Mostly because whatever the New York Yankees’ problems are becomes everyone else’s problem, given that most baseball media still think we give a shit what goes on in the Boogie Down. W...

The Baltimore Orioles and Cincinnati Reds are cowards

The MLB trade deadline passes, with perhaps the most major deal being the Astros acquiring Justin Verlander. And really, who doesn’t want to relive 2017 except everybody? The Mets clearly have punted on next season too, considering the money they’re kicking to Houston to cover an option year that Ve...

Summer interns lasted longer in New York than the Mets’ free-agency haul

The New York Mets summer internship program is highly recommended. Who wouldn’t want to spend a summer in New York and collect eight figures along the way? This season, the Mets earned their rep as the most chaotic franchise in Major League Baseball by jettisoning Justin Verlander, David Robertson, ...

Rangers, Astros, and Angels, oh my!

At 40-20, the Texas Rangers looked to be a lock for the postseason. The Dallas-area MLB team always appears to have a loaded farm system, and those moves looking toward the future paid off at the same time the big-money signings stayed healthy. In addition to all that, pitching whisperer Bruce Bochy...

OK, now imagine if the Mets had signed Carlos Correa

It feels like just yesterday that the New York Mets had orchestrated a coup, signing Carlos Correa, and putting the other 29 clubs on notice that there’s a new titan of spending in the Northeastern Corridor. Then Correa failed his physical, the deal went belly up, the season started, and the Mets re...

Once again in MLB, it’s better to be worse

MLB owners have been dead set on rewarding their own mediocrity, because the larger economy and society as a whole has basically been set up to reward shitfucks like them for barely being able to remain upright, and intaking oxygen. The expansion of the playoffs was meant to get more money from TV c...

The Braves and the White Sox were supposed to both have bright futures

Now that the MLB has reached the midsummer classic portion of its schedule, it gives me time to reflect. This period of deep thought has taken me back to a time when the Chicago White Sox and Atlanta Braves had the two best farm systems in MLB....

Being hated by New York Yankees' Billy Martin | Tom Papa's Ultimate Sports Fantasy

Mets owner Steve Cohen doesn’t need to talk at all

New York Mets owner Steve Cohen certainly has made a splash since taking over the Queens club. Most of those ripples are due to the checks he signs, with the occasional bombastic quote to an insatiable New York media. The fact that a lot of what he’s had to say is adversarial to what the rest of MLB...

The Yankees best player this month is who?!

Giving Houston Astro players immunity was Rob Manfred’s ‘best decision ever’

If you’re anti-sign stealing, then you’re not allowed to be pro-AI. The Houston Astros may have been the biggest offender when it came to modernizing cheating, but they also pioneered the advancements, and essentially got away with it before the people who determine what is or isn’t moral deemed the...

Hazardous air quality won't stop baseball in New York — just postpone it [Update]

Walking outside in New York City is sketchy even with pristine air quality. There are homeless people everywhere, rats, and 99-cent slices of pizza littered on the streets. Plus, it’s inevitable you run into a tourist that doesn’t understand how much of the sidewalk they take up. I love living here ...

The Philadelphia Phillies' offense is doing that thing again

The Philadelphia Phillies are an imperfect being. Yes, they’ve been that way for pretty much their entire existence. But every baseball fan/watcher knows that the recent vintage of the Fightins is kind of a top-heavy outfit, that generally plays defense like it’s just about to sneeze, and the bullpe...

MLB scheduling change making it easier for American League East to assert its dominance

Six months or so after the NFC East was the best division in football, the American League East has overtaken MLB. No team is below .500 as of Friday morning/early afternoon, and the fives clubs are a combined 105-56 against opponents outside the division. The Tampa Bay Rays (37-15) and Baltimore Or...

What does the MLB have against birds?

The Randy Johnson bird hunting club is the fastest-growing inner circle in Major League Baseball. For the second time in a span of seven days, a bird was brutally killed on the field of a major league ballpark. Last week it was Arizona Diamondbacks pitcher Zac Gallen taking out a bird mid-flight wit...

The Baltimore Orioles are on the highwire

One of the bigger stories of MLB so far this season is the unrelenting and pretty comedic dominance of the AL East. The last-place team, the Toronto Blue Jays, have the exact same record as the first-place team in the AL Central, the Minnesota Twins. Every team is at least three games over .500. The...

We said the Pirates would be interesting

Guess who has the second-best record in baseball. No, really, go on. Maybe you watch a ton of baseball and you already know. But if you’ve been distracted by NHL and NBA playoffs, the answer may surprise you. It’s a certain team that a certain charming and handsome writer not so long ago said very w...

This week in bad omens: Aaron Judge injures hip on 31st birthday

Unfortunately, the ethical standards of journalism prevent me from accepting any contributions, or gifts as a thank you for my work, so for those of you looking to Venmo me some beer money for my part in the New York Yankees overpaying Aaron Judge, all I ask is that you make a donation to a charity ...

Chris Sale is cooked

The Boston Red Sox are going to have to have a sale at the MLB trade deadline, which could include a pitcher (Chris) with that surname....