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The Normal Person's Guide To Training For A Marathon
So you signed up for Sunday’s New York City marathon. Way too late to be reading this in that case. But whether as a bet, bucket-list item, or impulse decision you’re now regretting, you have a marathon date looming on the calendar, you’ll need to train....
The 2018(ish) Hater’s Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
[greets you at the door while wearing a frayed holiday sweater; offers you curdled egg nog]...
A Simple Guide To Staying Alive In The National Parks
More and more Americans are getting outdoors. Since 2000, attendance rates to national parks have steadily continued an “up and to the right” growth trend. Between 2000 and 2013, year-over-year attendance bobbed between 260-280 million visitors. While that 13-year span could be considered healthy gr...
How To Attend The U.S. Open And Survive
The U.S. Open starts today in Queens, N.Y. I’ve covered it for the last six years, usually every day for the entirety of the tournament. Here’s a guide to not having your U.S. Open experience be a sweaty hell....
Gifts For Parents Who Wish Their Kids Played Video Games Less
Some kids don’t have video games. ...
Gifts For Climbers
Unlike many outdoor or outdoor-adjacent sports, climbing requires a lot of crap. When I just went on runs everyday, all I needed were some shoes, but now that I’ve been climbing, I need to maintain and prune a small army of very specific items. There is an essentially limitless arsenal of shit avail...
Gifts For Winter Cycling
Winter approaches, and the icy grip of death descends from the north. The foolish cyclist hangs their bicycle on a peg and prepares for months of slothfulness in which their only exercise consists of getting up to go to the fridge; the confident cyclist, aware that even in a bad climate most days in...
A Beginner's Guide To Enjoying Tennis
We’re in the middle of the U.S. Open, that two-week phase of the solar year in which the average American citizen is most likely to be struck by tennis. It could be you. Or maybe you’ll watch 10 minutes of tennis and yell, “This shit is boring!” before returning to episodes of Chopped. Nobody would ...
The Skeptic's Guide To The Tour De France
For the 104th time in history, a horde of bird-shaped dudes will climb onto their bikes, ride circles around France, and finish in Paris even more bird-shaped than when they started. Yes, the Tour de France starts this weekend in Germany (we’ll get to that) and will track a 3,540-kilometer course so...
Gifts For People Who Are Sick Of Stupid Party Games
Playing board games at holiday gatherings, parties, or anywhere else should be fun. It usually isn’t, because the most popular party games are awful....
Gifts For A Life With Diminished Horizons
The line between holiday gifts and New Year’s resolutions is less clear than it might seem. Unless you and your gift recipients have fallen into the terrible trap of typecasting—Here’s one more item for you with a golf joke on it, Jolly Person Who Plays Golf!—presents are aspirational: Here’s someth...
Gifts For Drew Magary Readers
So you know a Drew Magary enthusiast, or someone who should be a Drew Magary enthusiast, and you’re wondering what sort of holiday present to get them? As someone who argues with Magary daily about everything, listen to me on this—I know what I’m talking about. Get them some Magary books!...
Gifts For Very Good Dogs
Dogs don’t really understand the concept of time, holidays, or seasonal gift giving, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t make sure to let them know that they are very, very good pups....
Gifts For Golden State Warriors Fans
The Golden State Warriors went 73-9 during the 2015-16 NBA regular season, only to see their championship aspirations dashed in the Finals, where they blew a 3-1 lead to LeBron James’s Cleveland Cavaliers....
All The Best Garbage From WikiLeaks's Online Store
According to Democrats, WikiLeaks is little more than a Kremlin intelligence lackey. According to Republicans, it’s a vehicle for truth in a rigged world. What neither side seems aware of, however, is the real secret Julian Assange has been harboring: some of the worst branded apparel you have ever ...
How To Get A Piano (Like For Your Spouse, Say)
So you’ve decided to get a piano! For yourself, or for, say, the piano-loving Target worker who gave up her lifelong piano access when she moved to Mississippi to live with you as your wife. I think this is a fine choice! Pianos are lovely. Let’s talk about some good and bad practices for acquiring ...
Great Gift Ideas For Children You Despise
I bet you know some bad kids. Not your kids. Your kids are lovely, imaginative, super-athletic, and smart as a whip. I’m talking about your step-sister’s kids and your boss’s kids and the kids on your son’s soccer team and those kids who always end up hurting someone at the neighborhood block partie...
Talking, Fictional Dog To Play In NBA Game
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Five Books For Your Nerd-Ass Friend Who Still Likes Reading Like A Nerd
Useful as they are for keeping tables level, impressing visitors, and the like, books—actual, physical books—are even better as gifts. While a lousy one makes for a perfectly fine present, there’s no real reason not to get a good one. Here are some that we liked, and that we’re pretty sure you or so...
Five Liquors For Your Friend Who's A Lush But Not A Concerning Lush (Yet)
Booze is good. Booze-snob culture is ... less good. Don’t let that put you off buying booze for yourself and people you like and, hell, people you don’t like this holiday season! Here are some of our recommendations, none of which will put you much out of pocket and none of which will shame you if y...