haters Page 2 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Hater’s Guide To The 2015 Oscars
Every year, the Oscars come along, and it becomes more evident that the Oscars are the worst live event on television. Other award shows are smart enough to jettison technical categories, get the nominees shitfaced, and encourage poor wardrobe choices. Meanwhile, these things are still as self-im...
The "Seal Dribble" Was The Most Mesmerizing, Suicidal Soccer Technique
Your first reaction upon seeing Kerlon, the once budding superstar Brazilian kid who never blossomed, and his unique ability to dribble the ball with his forehead will probably be "Wow, why had nobody thought of doing this before!" But keep watching the video above, and by the time you see Kerlon en...
The Scientology Christmas Catalog Is Totally Insane
Finding the right gift for everyone in your family can be a real bitch. Your mom just wants a phone call. Your dad wants you to find a job. These are not easy people to shop for. But what about your second cousin who moved to L.A., got introduced to Scientology by an actor friend, joined the ch...
The 2014 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
It's a difficult world out there, people. War, poverty, brutality, corruption, social and racial injustice … these are not civil times we live in. Which is why, more than ever, we NEED the comfort and warmth that only life inside the Williams-Sonoma catalog can provide. Follow me, America. Fol...
Emmanuel Sanders Partied In Heaven With All The Ladies
After getting absolutely crushed on a scary play during Sunday's game against the Rams, Broncos wide receiver Emmanuel Sanders fell victim to a Wikipedia prankster who edited the page to say that Sanders had died. The wideout caught wind of this, and he responded with a well-struck "Hi haters."...
Book: Ronaldo Refers To Messi As "Motherfucker" Behind His Back
According to Cristiano Ronaldo, the constant comparisons to and ranking of him and Lionel Messi are slightly annoying but ultimately disregardable facts of life. According to a new book, though, Ronaldo takes the rivalry much more seriously and has a whole behind-the-scenes protocol for how he and h...
The Hater’s Guide To Derek Jeter
I missed the All-Jeter Game last night but I’m told it was an emotional Jeterball game in which Derek Jeter jetered a few hits and saved 12 babies that fell from the stands and mowed the outfield so that you could see a crucifix pattern in the grass. There was also a small Jeterversy in which Adam ...
The Hater’s Guide To The 2014 World Cup
Soccer! Football! The Beautiful Game! OL’ NETTY! Yes, it’s time again for 31 contending nations (plus England) to gather together for the World Cup. Now, soccer people (very much to be confused with pod people) will remind you that the World Cup is the most popular sporting event in the world. ...
The 2014 Hater's Guide To The Oscars
Oh hey, the Oscars are on Sunday night! And congratulations to America’s celebrities for enduring another painfully long and arduous awards season. YOU POOR THINGS! Being shuttled from red carpet to red carpet, forced to wear nice clothes, asked the same dumb questions over and over again (“How’s...
The Hater's Guide To The Sochi Olympics
Greetings, comrade! And welcome to the 2014 Winter Olympic Games in Sochi, Russia! Thank God that Vladimir Putin has restored Russia to its rightful place as America’s enemy and foil. (Russia: We Don’t Even Pretend We’re A Democracy Anymore!™) Russians are white and live inside a distinct national ...
Non-Profit Executive Roger Goodell Made $29.5M In 2012
The National Football League, as everyone knows, is a not-for-profit charity, the chief purpose of which is to promote the growth of the sport of football. Sure, it rakes in hundreds of millions of tax-exempt dollars annually, and pays its executives tens of millions, but why not? Who can quibble wi...
Fox Sports Has A Message For Imaginary Haters Hating On UFC CEO's Son
The best thing about the relationship between Fox Sports and the UFC is that it works exactly the way you'd expect a relationship between Fox Sports and the UFC to work. This ensures that you can rely on Fox Sports to bring you the UFC content you want and need. Unsure what UFC owner Lorenzo Fertitt...
The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog
I have a house and, like most houses, it’s an unfinished work. There are cracks in the paint. There are piles of old clothes and shoes exploding out of the laundry room, which doubles as a storage room because we don’t have a storage room. The walls in our bedroom are bare because we haven’t had tim...
The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Top 25
This is it, everyone. This is the last year of college football shooting itself in the foot with a shitty, underwhelming BCS national title game. Come next season, the sport will institute a playoff, and with that, a whole new era of college football shall begin. With better games! And even craz...
Grumpy Hater Jonathan Papelbon Doesn't Think Yasiel Puig Is An All-Star
Everyone loves Yasiel Puig, because Yasiel Puig has done nothing but be completely awesome since being called up by the Dodgers one month ago. Everyone except Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon, that is, who thinks that it would be "a joke" if Puig made the National League all-star team....
The Hater's Guide To Other Parents
I am not the greatest parent in the world. In fact, I wrote an entire book coming out today that indisputably proves that statement. I have been arrested. I have yelled at my children. I have experimented with odd forms of corporal punishment. And I have conspired with my children to commit petty mi...
Kobe Bryant Will Fuel His Comeback By Imagining Naysaying Media Even As Media Continue To Nuzzle Kobe Tenderly
Sorry for yet more Kobe coverage on an otherwise pleasant Saturday, but as we could’ve witnessed the last of the man for the next, oh, ever, it’s worth trying to figure out whether and how he could come back from the most appropriately named injury in sports. During the press scrum after his apparen...
The Percy Harvin Trade Is Great News For Football And Horrible News For Me
Percy Harvin is headed to Seattle. Let's deal with this news, first with reason and then with angry, drunken homerism....
The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Oscars
Time to put on our bitchy pants and say shitty things about the Oscars and everyone nominated for the Oscars. Now, according to Entertainment Weekly, this year’s Oscars will be “song-and-dance heavy,” which is arguably the most terrifying thing I have ever read. The Grammys were two weeks ago. That ...
The Hater's Guide To Ray Lewis
It’s not exactly daring to hate Ray Lewis. Facebook data show that most people are rooting for the 49ers to win the Super Bowl, and I’m sure “FUCK RAY LEWIS” has a lot to do with that. No one disputes that Lewis should be a Hall of Famer, and I guess we can all agree that he’s a good leader. He sure...