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<i>True Detective </i>Season Two Lines, Ranked
19. “That’s one off the bucket list. Mexican standoff with actual Mexicans.”...
HitchBOT Was A Literal Pile Of Trash And Got What It Deserved
First things first. “HitchBOT,” for all practical purposes, was a garbage can with an iPhone in it. It could not walk or stand or fire lasers or open a can of beans. By what standard was this piece of useless shit a “robot” in the first place? The answer: a shabby standard. A Canadian one....
Man In Randall Cunningham Jersey Beats Shit Out Of Hitchhiking Robot
Prayers up for hitchBOT, the hitchhiking robot that aspired to see the entire country via the kindness of strangers and made it as far as Philadelphia before getting curbstomped. Thanks to surveillance footage, we know how hitchBOT ended up as a pile of limbs: a brief clip shows a man in what appear...
Let <i>True Detective</i>'s Total Absurdity Wash All Over You
Apologies if these thoughts on last night’s penultimate episode of True Detective come off as disjointed and confusing, though that would be a fitting homage to this entire season, but man, this show is a marvelous disaster. That lousy first episode was a sign of things to come....
Bill Simmons To Host Weekly HBO Show Starting In 2016
So says New York Times media reporter John Koblin:...
How To Deal With Rude Neighbors
I used to live above a Chinese gambling den. The apartment was on 8th Avenue in the Sunset Park neighborhood of Brooklyn. After a work situation went sour, I was looking for a cheap place; the second-floor spot seemed clean and quiet when I looked at it. Come moving day, my new abode suddenly reeked...
Do Not Listen To This Man
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Did <i>True Detective </i>Really Just Do That?
Okay, so here we’ve got the last scene from tonight’s True Detective, in which an Unexpected Event of Great Significance happens, which I will be wildly speculating upon in 1.5 paragraphs or less, so don’t get all sassy with me re: spoilers. Okay....
<i>True Detective </i>Might Suck Now, And That Might Be Even More Fun
So the first person beaten up was a journalist, the most prominent bare asses were male (the dude at the urinal was a nice touch), and your Big Tough Guy is actually Rachel McAdams, who gave the (verbal) business to like half a dozen people and also appears to be the Bobby Shmurda of knives. Verily,...
All The Deaths On Last Night's <i>Game Of Thrones</i> Finale, In Slow Motion
While HBO’s Game of Thrones may be leaving viewers wishing for death, several characters on last night’s season finale actually received such glorious release from the corporeal realm. Probably. So here’s everybody who died, we think, last night; since we love ruining things, we present all the Game...
<i>Game Of Thrones </i>Needs To Put Us Out Of Its Misery
Let’s begin by revisiting the best Game of Thrones scene to date. Notes:...
The <i>Entourage </i>Movie Is The Hate-Watching Event Of The Summer
I’m gonna forego all ceremony and just tell you the best part of the Entourage movie, which is Ronda Rousey’s reading of the line, “I think somebody’s fuckin’ in there.” I will be purchasing this film on Blu-Ray six months hence in hopes of viewing outtakes from this scene. I need variations. “I thi...
Report: Buffalo, Washington, And Houston Are Potential <i>Hard Knocks</i> Teams
Thanks to new rules instituted after HBO and the NFL had difficulty finding a team to appear on Hard Knocks, the league can now force teams to take part if they meet certain criteria. Nine teams fit the bill: The Browns, Redskins, Giants, Buccaneers, Vikings, Texans, Rams, Titans, and Jaguars. Most ...
<i>Game Of Thrones</i> Is Gross, Exploitative, And Totally Out Of Ideas
At this point, it’s disingenuous for anyone to complain about Game of Thrones being too violent or disturbing—the series’ five seasons have had a fair share of rape scenes and tremendous acts of violence—but the final frames of last night’s episode, “Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken,” were emblematic of ev...
Rachel McAdams Stabs A Tree: Here's The <i>True Detective </i>Trailer
Murder, missing kids, whispering in dark rooms, Colin Farrell. Here you go: This is the long-awaited “real” trailer for season two of HBO’s True Detective. ...
A Friendly Word Of Advice To <i>Game Of Thrones</i> Readers: Chill
Hello, fellow A Song of Ice and Fire readers. How are you? Doing well, I hope, though I worry. These should be exciting times, what with the impending premiere of Game of Thrones’ fifth season on HBO this weekend, but I can’t help but sense a little frustration in the air....
What If <i>Game Of Thrones</i> Characters Were <i>Game Of Thrones </i>Characters?
The fifth season of Game of Thrones starts this Sunday. (Don't worry, you can catch up here.) In honor of the occasion, we thought we’d have a little fun and match up some major Game of Thrones characters with their counterparts on ... Game of Thrones....
Puppy Bowl, Fish Bowl, Kitten Bowl: Counterprogramming The Super Bowl
The over/under for the number of households that will tune in to watch the Super Bowl tonight is 113 million. There has never been a larger event in the history of television. What I'm saying here is you don't have to be a fan of football to tune in. People who don't watch this Super Bowl will spend...
Double-OT Miami Beach Bowl Ends In All-Out Fight Between BYU & Memphis
It's a Monday afternoon, and thus time for college football live from an MLB stadium. Today's Miami Beach Bowl between BYU and Memphis may have been this season's most exciting football game—Memphis hit a 55-yarder to stay alive and then grabbed a game-ending interception to seal a 55-48 win—but it'...
This Football Player's Just Headbutting His Teammates Without A Helmet!
This is Memphis's junior tight end, Alan Cross. Alan's pumped! Hell yea! Maybe you should utilize some chill though, Alan. It's just the Miami Beach Bowl....