help Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Let's Remember Some Guys: Dave Parker Confronts The End
Everyone agreed that it was imperative, before she left the building and all of our lives forever, that we exact some kind of revenge on Megan Greenwell. But what? What unpleasant experience could even begin to approach recompense for all the times that she looked various staffers in the eyes and sa...
I Can’t Tell Who The Fuck Is Joking Anymore
Today, we’re talking about airport eating, shower clogs, germophobes, and more....
A Massive, Disturbing Look Inside A Marvel Superfan's Crumbling Mind In The Final Hours Before <i>Avengers: Endgame</i>
Ladies and gentlemen, it’s here. Again. And I cannot hold my shit together. Again....
Longtime <i>Thrasher</i> Editor And Skateboarding Icon Jake Phelps Dies At 56
Jake Phelps, the patron saint of San Francisco skateboarding and veteran editor of Thrasher, is dead. He was 56 years old. The magazine announced his death in a post Thursday night, although it didn’t specify the cause....
Felonious Self-Help Guru James Arthur Ray Wants You To Remember Oprah Loves Him And Forget He's Killed People
James Arthur Ray put out a promotional video advising why folks desperate to improve their lot in life should seek counsel from him and others toiling in the charlatan-rich self-help field rather than try to go it alone....
Felonious Self-Help Guru James Arthur Ray Wants You To Remember Oprah Loves Him And Forget He's Killed People
James Arthur Ray put out a promotional video advising why folks desperate to improve their lot in life should seek counsel from him and others toiling in the charlatan-rich self-help field rather than try to go it alone....
Let Us Cringe Together At A Truly Butchered Pre-Game National Anthem
Rachel Platten is a well-known pop singer. I am a crusty old shitbag, and so I have heard of roughly no one, but I understand she’s had some chart-topping hits and may have performed on, like, Good Morning America or something. At any rate, here she is performing, well, some of the national anthem a...
I Blame Chris Brown
Here are just a few, tiny things that happened in a dark, bizarre, depressing Year of our Lord 2018:...
Have A Nice Hot Cup Of Herbal Tea
Shit sucks, right now. Pretty much all of the news is so bad that it’s almost, but not, funny. You can’t even fall back on sports right now! This week I am conducting myself on the internet like a wayward pedestrian forced to traverse Murder Alley, neck stiff, the plane of my face at a perfect right...
Two Of The Most Famous Olympic Photos Were All About Location And Dumb Luck
This weekend, Heinz Kluetmeier will become the first photographer to be inducted into the International Swimming Hall of Fame in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. The longtime staff photographer at Sports Illustrated is undeniably hall-worthy. He’s shot iconic images of every major swimmer since 1970, from Mark...
Michael Phelps's Next Shark Race Better Involve Seal Blood And An Actual Shark<em></em>
Have you heard the news? Michael Phelps raced a Great White shark to kick off Discovery Channel’s annual “Shark Week” in style. Phelps vs. Shark: Great Gold vs. Great White aired Sunday night after months of anticipation, and it settled the question that I guess someone maybe thought of at some poin...
Mariners Trade Four Prospects For David Phelps, Believe In Themselves
Mariners GM Jerry Dipoto is feeling bullish about his team, judging by the medium-interesting trade he made today for reliever David Phelps, which will send four low-ranked prospects to Miami....
Hang Up A Bird Feeder Where You Can See It
Happiness, who knows. Joy, jeez, that’s a whole frickin’ thing. I will never have even the faintest idea about deep personal fulfillment. But you can make the minute-by-minute drudgery of life a little better. You can hang a bird feeder near a window, and fill it with birdseed, and have some pretty ...
What Would It Look Like, Hypothetically, If A Public Figure Were Suffering The Symptoms Of Dementia?
Ronald Reagan was 69 years old at his inauguration as president in 1981, the oldest anyone had ever been on taking the office—a record that Donald Trump recently beat when he was inaugurated at age 70. Beset by concerns about his advanced age from the beginning, Reagan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s...
Newt Gingrich Is In A Dark Place<em></em>
Newt, my boy. My dear, morally bankrupt Newt. What did Mr. Trump do to you? Did he hurt you? You can tell us. You don’t have to do this....
The Melbourne Cup Is Decadent And Depraved
You may have read Hunter S. Thompson’s famous article recounting the rampant debauchery at the Kentucky Derby and thought you’d glimpsed the true, beating heart of insane white people shit. But you’d have been mistaken. It’s not until you see these photos of the Melbourne Cup, Australia’s most drunk...
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This Is Why There Are So Many Ties In Swimming
Tonight three legends of swimming—Michael Phelps, Chad Le Clos, and László Cseh—turned in identical times to share silver in the 100m butterfly. Last night, Simone Manuel tied for gold with Canadian Penny Oleksiak in the 100m freestyle. Modern timing systems are capable of measuring down to the mill...
CBC Calls Entire Race Confusing Ryan Lochte For Michael Phelps [Update]
Michael Phelps just won his 22nd gold medal by dominating the field—which included his rival and countryman Ryan Lochte—in the 200 individual medley. Viewers in Canada, though, were led to believe Lochte led the race and that Phelps had fallen short. “Finally, he’s going to do it! Ryan Lochte is goi...
Michael Phelps's 200-Meter Butterfly Was Beautiful
Michael Phelps just won Olympic gold in the 200-meter butterfly. It’s his 20th lifetime gold medal and the perfect narrative conclusion to his comeback from having faltered in that very same race four years ago. It looked pretty cool, too. ...