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Michael Phelps Drops Tombstone On Chad Le Clos, Wins 20th Gold Medal
Chad le Clos, who took advantage of Michael Phelps’s collapse in the 200 butterfly four years ago, poked the bear last night. He didn’t make it to the medal stand, and Phelps won his 20th gold. Rest in peace....
Michael Phelps Will Eat Your Soul
Chad le Clos tried some shit with Michael Phelps before the pair’s semifinal tonight in Rio. Phelps, eh, wasn’t having it....
Michael Phelps Earned His 19th Gold Medal With An Incredible Turn
Michael Phelps wasn’t even supposed to be here today. After winning his 18th gold medal in London four years ago, he declared his career over. He came back after the U.S. lost to France in the 4x100 freestyle relay three years ago, and his second leg in that event tonight gave his team a lead over t...
Michael Phelps Has Qualified For His Fifth Olympics
The most medaled human being in existence is going to make some more Olympic history. By winning the 200-meter butterfly at the Olympic trials in Omaha yesterday, Michael Phelps has qualified for his fifth summer games, a first for an American male swimmer....
Please Do Not Licki Your Kitty
There’s a special, biologically intimate relationship that animals have with their own kind. Dogs sniff at the butts of stranger dogs in search of their anal sacs, and the secretions of the chemicals within—it’s their version of a handshake, and gives pups an idea of what to expect from one another ...
How To Kick Ass During Your Jesus Year
Certain ages have established talking points. At 25, there’s the quarter-life crisis, which is false, but gets you thinking about the banal inexorability of aging. At 27, you talk about rock stars who died before they could get old and embarrassing, because you desperately don’t want to, either. (“G...
I Want Some Of Those Sweet FIFA Bribes
It seems like everyone in FIFA’s orbit gets a bribe. Just today, it was revealed that the former president of Honduras took bribes while working for FIFA’s television and marketing committee, whatever the hell that is. There’s bribe money everywhere! And you know who is getting none of it? Me....
Speedo-Clad Michael Phelps Helps Distract Oregon State Free Throw Shooter
Michael Phelps, who has been training at Arizona State in advance of the upcoming Olympics, participated in the ASU student section’s Curtain of Distraction during tonight’s game against Oregon State. And wouldn’t you know it, OSU guard Stephen Thompson Jr. missed both of his free throws....
How Sepp Blatter Lost Control Of His Monster
If Sepp Blatter could take a step back and look at the bigger picture, forgetting for a moment that today’s eight-year ban from all soccer activities likely means his long career as the world’s favorite sport’s most powerful figure has ended in disgrace and infamy, he might actually be proud of what...
Sepp Blatter Banned From Soccer For Eight Years
FIFA president Sepp Blatter and UEFA president Michel Platini have been barred from the sport for eight years, over a 2011 payment of about £1.3 million that the FIFA ethics committee said was in exchange for Platini’s support of Blatter in an upcoming election. It feels almost like Al Capone and ta...
Michel Platini, Facing Lengthy FIFA Ban, Will Boycott Ethics Hearing
Suspended UEFA president Michel Platini, along with suspended FIFA president Sepp Blatter, are almost certain to receive long bans from soccer’s governing body by early next week. This has been clear for a while, and is supported by recent reports from those inside the FIFA ethics committee in charg...
Jason Gay's <i>Little Victories </i>Is The Perfect Advice Book For People Who Never Take Any
I don’t really believe in advice. That’s not to say other people can’t teach you anything useful about how to live, but sweeping, external principles handed down from on high are useless. It’s one thing to flesh out your personal moral code with examples from other people’s lives, but swollen mantra...
Sepp Blatter Says U.S. Was Supposed To Hold 2022 World Cup
Just when you think Sepp Blatter has revealed the full extent of his kooky theories and self-centered worldview, he opens his mouth again and wows you with even more crazy talk. In his newest interview, Blatter elucidates his belief that the entire FIFA scandal was a covert ploy by Michel Platini an...
Corrupt FIFA Executives Suspended, To Be Replaced By Corrupt FIFA Executives
As was reported yesterday, save the not-unreasonable belief that a known whitewasher would break out the paint, Sepp Blatter, Michel Platini, and Jérôme Valcke have all been suspended for 90 days by FIFA’s ethics committee....
This Cristiano Ronaldo Ballon D'Or Campaign Is Getting Really Gross
UEFA president Michel Platini made a pretty reasonable comment in Madrid earlier this week, saying in his opinion the Ballon d'Or should go to a German player after the country's success in the World Cup. The statement set off the Real Madrid spin machine though, and the team took matters into their...
USA Swimming Suspends Michael Phelps For Six Months After DUI Arrest
Michael Phelps's comeback, with an eye on the 2016 Olympics, will be a little more difficult. After his DUI arrest last week, Phelps is now suspended from competition for six months....
Police: Michael Phelps Blew A .14 BAC
Michael Phelps was sort of a mess when he was booked on DUI charges yesterday, according to court documents, which you can read below. According to police, Phelps's eyes were red and bloodshot, "his speech was mush mouth," and he blew a BAC nearly double the legal limit....
Michael Phelps Arrested On DUI Charges
Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps was arrested on suspicion of DUI early this morning in Baltimore, according to the Maryland Transportation Authority. ...
Deadspin Police-Shooting Database Update: We're Still Going
Last Wednesday, we launched an impossibly ambitious project: cataloguing every police-involved shooting in America over the last three years. After one week, we're further along than we could have imagined. ...